Those constant symptoms...

I guess the upside is this will tell me if I have any cancer in any major organs, which Sarno always said to rule out!

 

Wow, that's a pretty big thing to feel safe about!

Way to look at positives, Rusty.

Hoping for you that in this journey of "trying other things" that you'll find something you're able to latch onto. I know I did - I was running focused like you, at least as much in my estimation if not more - and I found alot of other loves in activities (mtn biking, cycling, strengthwork, circuit training, etc)

 

@Rusty Red
Time. Time is amazing and for some reason the brain kind of goes on reset over time.
That said, I worked hard at erasing the stories, the untruths and the myths that I believed. This is a huge part of TMS mindset recovery. If there is nothing wrong with me then there is no harm in running. I am having TEMPORARY symptoms and am giving myself a break for awhile - and then I'll see if I can get back to it again was my method.
I couldn't walk more than a few steps for 2 years. Standing was near impossible - so bathing and using the facilities were excruciating.
But once I could really clear my mind from the physical towards TMS - using the "What the f*ck else is there" method - meaning EVEN IF there was a physical issue I still needed to do things, even if I had pain, I was able to begin moving again. Yes it was painful to move by I was less fearful and resistant. I had a really good cheering section and support (which really helped) and began simply walking in my home. Then outdoors just a block and home. It created more symptoms (not pain, but the nervous system was really kicking in as my brain kept trying to keep me at home)... but within a few months I was able to walk 3/4 of a mile...now I am up to 5 miles a day and the I really need to put the breaks on it. 5 miles up hill all the way in a slow climb yesterday.
2-3 years ago there was no way I would even consider it. Man, there is no way I'd be doing Qui Gong/Tai Chi or now some of the other exercises I've been doing. Some stuff will still trigger me physically so I just go in baby steps. It's helped me to re-focus on the little things in all parts of life and I can easily identify when I am trying to control over just living life and that is freedom!

As you work through all the old baggage and thought patterns, your mind kind of sluffs off the old memories and fears.
There are still some things I find hard to watch - movements of others that are triggers for me, but over time I've been able to watch this as a form of desensitization to it. To reprogram all the old lies and crap I was telling myself.

The most important thing I kept telling myself is that no matter how much time it takes me to do the work, it is all temporary.

Yesterday when I was out for lunch, I let a woman who was in a knee bandage and brace (medical procedure) go before me. Clearly walking was painful and I said "oh, wow...I'm sorry - not fun" and with a genuine smile on her face she said - ah, it's all good. This is just temporary and I can't wait to be better than ever!! She's got it!

 

Thank you, @Cactusflower. As upset as I am about my mistake with the imaging, I'm really not ready to throw running away from my life. I'm going to try to continue with the small increases in time I was planning and see where I end up. I ordered a new stationary bike as well for cross training so hopefully the different types of movement will get my brain back to a safe space!