This Time Around

Hello everyone, I haven't posted on here for a while now, and being honest I do not tend to be very active on here. I just wanted to share my story with everyone in hopes that it can help out others.

I found TMS ann this board almost 8 years ago when I had been through every option to get rid of my back pain (All but surgery). I found myself spending hours looking around on the internet trying to find the magic bullet to get me over my pain. I tried every stretch, exercise, diet, and so on, but nothing helped. After reading about TMS (the second time because I dismissed it the first time) it clicked and it all made sense to me. I consumed everything I could find TMS related, read the books, started journaling, and did the work, kind of... I was good at doing the work for a while, but I felt that sense of relief that I had found the help i needed, and somewhere in the process of living my life and getting back to what I enjoy doing with the knowledge that I was safe and not in danger of further harm I forgot about my pain and the limitations I had allowed it to give me.. No more checking if certain things hurt If i move this way or that, and so on, I would get a twinge here and there but life was moving forward and it never took much of my attention.

3 years went by and I had another episode of pain (my first issue came after doing deadlifts working out, this one came after helping someone move box after box of stuff into a new house). I ignored it for a few days but the pain kept amplifying, I kept working out and active, but mentally I hit the panic button and didn't know what to do. I came back to TMS help and bought a couple more books, this time I was dead set on doing the work. I did everything all over again, but probably consumed more and more information that every before. Listened to every podcast the keyworded TMS, SARNO, MIND-BODY. I reached out to many people on the forum for help and found was always given great advice, but I never felt that "warm feeling of relief" I never felt like everything was going to be fine. This stuck with me, I hit panic in my head and my pain was there to go with it. "How could this happen, I know what the pain is caused by" but I continued doing the work, i journaled, i meditated, i kept being active, I would not say no because of pain to anything that was active no matter how bad it hurt, but inside I felt off and somewhat empty to things. The pain had me constantly looking for the magic bullet, but this time in TMS circles. I needed the reassurance that I was going to be okay, I needed to hear someone else's story and ask them for advice. Well somewhere in the summer of 2017, I got better and my pain stopped being my concern anymore. I moved forward and stopped wondering "what is the cause of this" like I would do every morning. And I got back to my life like nothing had happened

Fast forward to this week. Out of the blue before going to sleep my lower back started to act up like no other, I ignored it but its been lingering and stiff. I know what its cause it, and as of now I haven't hit panic on things mentally. I don't have the feeling of relief by no means like the first time around, but I am feeling successful in my bout this time around. I know the cause, and I know that its not going to be here forever. Relapsing as they call it sucks because it creates a large sense of doubt on things, it makes you think that "okay, this time its physical" but nope, the symptoms are all the same, the pain makes its movements to new places along the back too and imitates the previous issues from time to time. I know I have been stressed because well, this year has been a wild one for everyone involved in it for sure, but I know that I have understand and believe that the pain is here as a distraction for some reason (don't look for that magic bullet answer and expect to get things gone in a day). I've journaled a bit, but thats because my brain goes all over the place and I struggle to just keep a focus on one thing at a time, so writting it down allows me to stay on what is stressing me and what might be my rage.

I hope this helps someone, I know there are people who are on here looking for reassurance and help after finding success in times before. All I know from my experiences is that this works, and at some point you will be better, and you won't even notice that you are better because you will be healed and you won't be focused on the pain anymore. Keep active, don't let your pain tell you that you can't, and live your life. That was the formula that worked for me. It was a positive journey the first time because I had been lost for so long on what my problem was, the second time I struggled because I was trying to hard to fix things instead of just living and letting myself heal, this time I can tell I'm different mentally on it; I'm not happy the pain is back, but I know you can't try to hard and focus on it too much.