This "thing" is ruining my life, came here for a little support

Hi Everyone,
I am 43 years old, located in Israel.
This is a very sensitive "area" I am touching here so it's really hard for me to talk about this in public.
about 13 years ago, I had a terrible food poisoning, 3 days of constantly running to the bathroom and back, no relief whatsoever. when it was finally over, that "i need to go" feeling just stayed with me.
I thought it will be over in a few days since the whole area was very sensitive, but it didn't.
After doing a colonoscopy, blood tests, stool tests, ct, xray etc. there was nothing wrong with me, the GI i was treated at said "there is nothing to be done learn to live with it", something that was hard to hear for a 30 year old guy. i went to a psych, that gave me seroxat (ssri) + xanax, and behold, after about a month, symptoms reduced by 90%. so i continued with my life like that for 10 years.
3 years ago, it came back, with a vengeance! i've decided that no matter what i will find what this thing is and get thru it. 3 years past since then, i reduced tension in my life, made numerous tests, tried about 30 (!) anti depressant and other psychiatric drugs but nothing really helped.
I became more and more concered about this condition telling myself i cannot continue my life like that, tried psychotherapy with no improvment, it's something you can't ignore. the need to "go".
I have tried to continue my life in the first year, but it didn't work, I have ended 3 beautiful relationships, downsized my work hours, I am most of the day at home, in bed, trying to figure out what is wrong with me.
i don't go out, i rarely do anything other than going and doing what i MUST do, and now trying a physiotherapist of the pelvic muscle sessions, I'm a mess. don't know what to do next, and can't accept the idea that i will continue feeling this darn feeling all of my life.
what do you think i should do now?
Oh.. btw, what i have is called the levator ani syndrome, non-relaxing puborectalis syndrome and may be called by other names. i have searched high and low for info on the net, but nothing helped.

 

Eternity,

Welcome! You are in the right place for helping yourself. It can be overwhelming for a time as there is so much information. So, I suggest you go slow. There are two programs here, you could start with one of them, read some every day from one of the many books on TMS. Dr. Sarno's The Divided Mind, or Steve Ozanich's The Great Pain Deception are both about more than the back. Read success stories, participate in the forum. However, after you spend some time getting knowledge, spend only around an hour on TMS education. Steve's book especially tells you to what to do further along.

Lizzy