this post is a pity party! sorry!

[srton]

I can't believe I'm a this place with my body and feelings again. It's like TMS is an autoimmune disease that flares up when my defenses are down. Am I doomed to repeat this recovery flare up pattern for the rest of my life?
I'm about to turn 40 and I don't want to be doing this any longer.
My recoverys have been amazing in the past and I do truly believe that I'll recover this time, but I'm just mad right now.
I'm mad that I have to keep going through the pain. I wish I could crawl under a rock and engage in some serious self pity - but I just keep on chugging on - not talking to anyone about my pain (because they don't believe in mind/body and will tell me to go to Dr) and also because who the heck wants to hear about anyone's pain?
I have to keep working hard in school. I have to keep being a good mother and partner. I have to keep cooking and cleaning and taking care of my life. BUT WHO TAKES CARE OF ME? I am angry and sad and feel alone.
Thank you for listening to my pity party.
I just had to get it out.

 

[Baseball65]

I can't believe I'm a this place with my body and feelings again. It's like TMS is an autoimmune disease that flares up when my defenses are down. Am I doomed to repeat this recovery flare up pattern for the rest of my life?
I'm about to turn 40 and I don't want to be doing this any longer.
My recoverys have been amazing in the past and I do truly believe that I'll recover this time, but I'm just mad right now.
I'm mad that I have to keep going through the pain. I wish I could crawl under a rock and engage in some serious self pity - but I just keep on chugging on - not talking to anyone about my pain (because they don't believe in mind/body and will tell me to go to Dr) and also because who the heck wants to hear about anyone's pain?
I have to keep working hard in school. I have to keep being a good mother and partner. I have to keep cooking and cleaning and taking care of my life. BUT WHO TAKES CARE OF ME? I am angry and sad and feel alone.
Thank you for listening to my pity party.
I just had to get it out.

Awesome! You are right there at the heart of the matter.

I learned something about a year ago. 'Self Pity' used to be one of the 8 deadly sins (you can check this on wikipedia). I was doing a step piece for the program and I looked them up. I think the church got rid of that as a 'sin' because they love the number 7 so much. That is far and away the 'sin' I have been most guilty of in my life. When I started really looking at that in context of TMS it occurred to me that Self Pity would fall into that 'unsavory' list of personality traits that Sarno thinks we need to suppress (unlovable behavior).
Becoming aware of it has always been a sign that I am about 'over' that particular deal.

..and from a different perspective.. TMSers tend to be 'caretakers' and 'hyper-responsible'. Part of the anger is really at ourselves for being this way

...as if there were some other way we could be

 

[Aaricia]

@srton,
I’m sorry that you feel like that.
We all have those moments. I try to stay positive and think that I fight tms once and I know that it’s just fear. Very painful but just fear.
I know it sucks and sometimes we just don’t give a s...t about this. But those moments have a beauty. When you just give up and don’t care.
I recently had a pity party and really enjoyed it. The next day I felt great so it worked I wish the same for you.