I can't believe I'm a this place with my body and feelings again. It's like TMS is an autoimmune disease that flares up when my defenses are down. Am I doomed to repeat this recovery flare up pattern for the rest of my life? I'm about to turn 40 and I don't want to be doing this any longer. My recoverys have been amazing in the past and I do truly believe that I'll recover this time, but I'm just mad right now. I'm mad that I have to keep going through the pain. I wish I could crawl under a rock and engage in some serious self pity - but I just keep on chugging on - not talking to anyone about my pain (because they don't believe in mind/body and will tell me to go to Dr) and also because who the heck wants to hear about anyone's pain? I have to keep working hard in school. I have to keep being a good mother and partner. I have to keep cooking and cleaning and taking care of my life. BUT WHO TAKES CARE OF ME? I am angry and sad and feel alone. Thank you for listening to my pity party. I just had to get it out.