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Day 17 Things are improving

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Guseman, Mar 2, 2015.

  1. Guseman

    Guseman Peer Supporter

    I wanted to give a quick update and put some thoughts out there today.

    The last 4-5 days now, I've been feeling a lot better. On Friday I had a few epiphanies. One was thinking about the brain fog/dizziness/headachy-ness as an actual fog, and allowing myself to lift it away, like with a fan, or emerge from it like a car with fog lights. Its been a pretty good visual for me.

    The other epiphany was about how much of my work is doing tasks where I am relatively alone in a room doing someone repetitive tasks that don't require my full concentration, so I end up spending a lot of time thinking about my symptoms. So I need something new to fill my thinking time with. So I thought about starting a new writing project and carrying around a little notebook with me all the time so I can write my ideas down and fill my time with it instead of symptom analysis.

    Another thing I noticed this morning was that the more time I go without feeling symptoms, the more I find myself anticipating that something will go wrong soon. That its just waiting for me around the corner and I better not let my guard down. Thats going to be hard to let go of.

    And finally, I've been having a fair amount of exercise anxiety lately. I never used to have it, but a little over a month ago, I had a weird heart palpitation and panic attack after running at the gym. And since then I've been especially sensitized. And I've been able to break it down to some degree, but I find that I still get scared because I'm afraid my heart with explode or something. But I keep reminding myself that I have no personal or family history of heart conditions, and I've been to the doctor and got a perfect EKG (a while back). So logically, there is no reason to be worried. I think the anxiety is definitely triggered by that previous episode and fear of dying, but also I think I have a lot of insecurities and body judgement all wrapped up in my emotions about exercise and diet. I'm trying to get to the bottom of them.

    Anyway, things are slowly improving! And its been really comforting to see on this forum that there are a lot of folks that are having slow recoveries, but its still happening. Slow doesn't mean no recovery. I'm trying to constantly remind myself!
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, Guseman. Congrats on the improvement. I'd concentrate on how much you've progressed.
    That incident in the gym probably means nothing. Your medical check-up proves nothing structural is going on.
    Your heart is fine. I'd continue to do mild exercise. If you feel tired, take a break and breathe deeply.

    If you fear you'll have a heart problem, you're feeding the negative side of your Inner Self.
    Instead, tell it an affirmative mantra: "My heart is healthy. I am healthy."

    I keep remembering an ancient Cherokee Indian saying about health and medicine which I believe
    applies to TMS healing: "If you think it won't work, it won't. If you think it will work, it will."
  3. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Guseman,

    I love reading your insights and inquiry, the pieces becoming clearer, the insights as to how the pain is actually being caused and perpetuated. It sounds like you are on a wonderful journey of self-discovery and awareness. I think your patience is key, as you say. And how wonderful it is to focus on the breakthroughs like "I am feeling better." Bravo!

    Andy B.
  4. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    Guseman, it's wonderful how you are using fog imagery and it's helping you feel better.

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