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Day 4 the worst a doktor told me

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by RozieHolland, Jan 6, 2017.

  1. RozieHolland

    RozieHolland Peer Supporter

    The worst ever a doktor told me is that I never could have children.
    When I was 15 I had an abortion. My mother told me to ltake it away.
    At that moment it was the best choice, because our family wasn't that great.
    My father sexually disturbed, my mother alcohol addicted, my 2 brothers drug addicted.
    No ,it wasn't a good situation for a child in order to grow up in.

    But what the doktor told me, that I would never had children again, I never forget.
    I beleaved it. And because I beleaved it so firmly, I never been pregnant again.
    I find this very regrettable. I wish I had children.

    My brother became father for the first time when he was 50. I was jealous. When I became 50 my uterus must removed, because of excessive flow, bleeding.

    A year after the abortion my backpain started. I thought the reason was that I had overweight lifted, but now I know the real reason. It still hurts.

    With love, Rozie.
     
  2. Saoirse

    Saoirse Peer Supporter

    God Rozi what a truly awful story for you , you have been through a tough time . I really do hope TMS and the program gives you ease and some peace as it has for so many . God Bless
     
  3. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi, RozieHolland. How awful that your doctor gave you such a bad report. He was not God, but apparently thought he was. Your reasons for having the abortion sound like you made the right decision. You may be repressing feelings of guilt. Ask whoever you pray to to forgive you. I'm sure he has already because he knows your heart.

    Have you considered adopting a child, or being a foster parent?
     
  4. RozieHolland

    RozieHolland Peer Supporter

    Hello Saoirse,
    my whole live was awful. But when I get 40 I decided to change my way of live. I started emotional bodywork, it saved me.
    I am now 60 and in peace with my self. I am happy with the woman I am right now.
    Still there was backpain true all my life, I thought something was wrong with my body, but I could live with it.
    In december it went wrong and I had to stop the pain. Then I saw a movie of dr. John Sarno.
    That woke me up. That was the missing link. It is going very well now.
    There are still repressed emotions, ( I didn't know I had them) but I can handle.
    Maby It sounds crazy, but I love to feel emotions, what ever the are.

    With love, Rozie.
     
    Saoirse likes this.
  5. RozieHolland

    RozieHolland Peer Supporter

    Hello Walt,
    It happens in 1971 that I had the abortion, mayby the doctors didn't know better that time.
    Yes, I felt and feel right now still a lot of guilt. I ask myself often if I could do it another way, if I let the child live it would be 45 now.
    I know God forgive me, I am a believer. I still feel guilt, and It still hurts, but I can live with that.
    Now I am writing the journals it came all up to me, I thought I grow over it, but it is still there. It's oké.

    And yes, I had a foster parents child. But the director of Foster Parents Plan Holland took a lot of money from the organisation and then I quit.
    I think when I adopted a child, then all my attention was going to the child. I needed the time for myself to be aware.
    That was my purpose in life.

    With love, Rozie.
     

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