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The stressor that has me stumped.

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by SRcombs, Aug 19, 2019.

  1. SRcombs

    SRcombs Peer Supporter

    OK, I've done pretty well with this program so far. I've seen a 50% drop in pain over the last 3 months or so. I'm getting my emotions out. I'm learning to make myself feel safe. I being easier on myself and standing up to my inner bully.

    BUT---the one stressor that I can't seem to deal with is financial instability. This is a real issue for me because my husband is self-employed and life is usually feast or famine. We try to plan and save for the famine times, but sometimes we just don't plan/save enough. For the last year we've been in feast mode and I wonder if that is part of why my symptoms have been better. Now, however, we coming into a time of famine and I can feel my anxiety (and therefore my pain) ramping up and all the techniques are not helping me.

    Anybody else have some suggestions for this particular stressor?
  2. birdsetfree

    birdsetfree Well known member

    Your TMS brain is trying to convince you that this stressor is different and more dangerous than all the others. But it is not the event or situation that you have to deal with, rather it is the fear or anxiety that has to be the focus. That is all you have to deal with, the fear and anxiety, in any situation. So it is all the same thing. Pay attention to any fear inducing thoughts and try to objectively allow them to exist and then allow them to pass without getting drawn in.
  3. GTfan

    GTfan Well known member

    I can recall from Steve O's book that he had to let go of the percentage assessment thing that you are doing here. At first he was going golfing every day in order to improve his TMS symptoms and then check where he was at every day. Eventually he was actually going golfing every day because he enjoyed it and somewhere along the way he gradually was assessing his golf swing instead of his TMS "percentage" at the end of a session.

    The number one reason TMS exists is to distract us. So if you are constantly focusing on it or how it is feeling or how much better or worse you feel then it is going to be there.

    Situations are going to happen that are out of your control and TMS symptoms are going to pop up to try to protect you. Like what was said above me, you just have to accept them instead of fearing them. It will pass.

    I recently started dating a girl that I really like. I had some old TMS symptoms resurface and I couldn't figure out why since I felt happy. But in reality my ID was throwing a temper fit because homeostasis was being threatened. I was doing something out of my comfort zone. The TMS flare ups came and went, they didn't last forever, and nothing bad happened because of them.
    Ellen, birdsetfree, plum and 2 others like this.
  4. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    Darling, my whole life has been a story of feast and famine. These are the boons of being married to a bohemian poet and artist...and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    My life is mostly famine now (he’s had Parkinson’s for well over a decade), but you know what, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. You know how it goes, money can’t buy you love and it can’t buy you gratitude either.

    I’d encourage you to start a gentle practice of gratitude. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy. I like to lie in my bed at night and reflect on the things I’m really grateful for. Such as a snug bed, a full tummy, my lovely man at my side, the endless novels people write, small puppies, chocolate ice cream...

    And the reason I am so grateful is because I have lost such things in the past. I’ve been repossessed (not sure what term is used in the states? Foreclosed?), I’ve been skint. I thought my husband was going to die. It’s amazing how much we take for granted when we focus on stuff and status. I also know how real and terrifying poverty is and in truth I’m going through a rough patch myself regarding this but I’m not going to let it blind me to the beauty in my life. I’d encourage you to do the same.

    TMS only has the power we give it.

    Keep the faith.

    Plum x
    andy64tms, westb, birdsetfree and 2 others like this.
  5. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Great answer, thanks
    SRcombs and birdsetfree like this.
  6. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Awesome advice Plum, thank you
    SRcombs and plum like this.
  7. westb

    westb Well known member

    Yes! Thanks for the reminder, @plum
    plum likes this.

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