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Day 8 the preoccupation is strong with this one

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by pointforward23, Mar 27, 2019.

  1. pointforward23

    pointforward23 New Member

    Working the program for a chronic fatigue manifestation of TMS.

    One of my symptoms, eye fatigue, went away completely when I started day 1. Prior to that I could barely read for more than 20 minutes on my computer. It's popped up again in the last few days, but I keep trying to remind myself that this is TMS and won't last.

    My general fatigue is a little better too. I have little periods throughout the day when I have a lot of energy. I have no problem taking long walks now. Things like grocery shopping are still a little taxing though. I tend to feel unwell afterwards.

    Keeping my mind off my symptoms is really hard, especially when they get worse. I have a lot of doubts about TMS when I get tired and my mind starts to wander to "maybe there something truly is wrong with me. what if this TMS stuff is all bullshit and won't lead to anything." It's going to be a hard habit to break when I've been so preoccupied with my body for almost 6 years.There's a direct correlation between my mood and my level of fatigue. Mindfulness helps, and I've been meditating 30 minutes before bed. I accept whatever emotions or thoughts or sensations come up, which I've found to be very effective. I used to meditate to quiet my mind but I realized this is not what meditation is about. I feel like I'm getting the right mindset about it.

    I do have a lot of rage inside of me. I'm typically uncomfortable in social situations to one extent or another, and I try really hard to be accepted or not do anything that might be perceived as wrong or inappropriate. Even as I'm writing this post, I'm carefully selecting my words so my audience doesn't think less of me. Feels good to admit that though. I beat myself up if I was too quiet in a social gathering or if I said the wrong thing. And when I think back on awkward social moments I have these strange outbursts where I'm compelled to just blurt something out very inappropriate, sometimes violent. I think I'm unconsciously angry at everyone who has made me feel uncomfortable with myself or bad about myself, even though I consciously understand it's not their fault. I've tried really hard to be liked over the years. I have this ideal of what a good guy is supposed to do and what kind of thoughts and attitudes he is supposed to have and I've often beaten myself up over not having those. Wow this is turning into a therapy session. Anyways...

    One of the biggest things about TMS that I am struggling with is that you're supposed to do activities you want to do despite your symptoms. But with fatigue, I always feel worse if I overdo something. I can't just ignore it and go run a mile. I don't know if this is even fear, it's just knowing that this is what happens. Maybe some of it is fear but it's also just knowing from experience that A leads to B. I guess I should take a gradual approach. As I work through the program, and my symptoms get a little better, and I stop caring about them as much, I'll slowly increase my activity. If anyone has any insight on this I'd love to hear it.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Great post, and welcome! I do have a suggestion: you've only made a few posts, so you might want to consider changing your name now, before anyone quotes you with your rather negative user name! Our guidelines suggest a name that is easy to refer to you by, not too long, and that has neither positive nor negative connotations. Any name that appeals to you. As you progress (and I know you will) you will eventually be distracted by this name, but it will be too late to change it, due to too many people using the old one in their posts and quotes, because those can't be easily edited.

    Anyway, it sounds like you're having successes already. Many people at Day 8 experience a backlash of symptoms, new symptoms, old ones coming back, etc. There's something about being 7-10 days into this process that seems to cause that. It's just your negative brain, fighting back and trying to make you doubt this process.

    Also, taking things slowly as you gain confidence is perfectly fine. Just keep at it, no matter what!
  3. Allissa RS

    Allissa RS New Member

    Oh wow JanA
    This makes sense to me the last day I experienced an intensity of my symptoms, intense pelvic pressure and fatigue (correlating with a stressful extended family visit), was around Day 7-10 and after that they have reduced by about 60-70% I'd say.
    ... interesting
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  4. pointforward23

    pointforward23 New Member

    You're absolutely right Jan! I've been thinking of doing that myself. I'm having trouble finding a way to do that though. Could you help?
  5. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    I'll PM you.

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