The OTHER fears (outside of physical injury)

[January]

"Pain is a danger signal, and in the case of TMS, the belief that the pain is dangerous is the only thing keeping it going. If you can truly embrace that this pain is not dangerous, it deactivates your danger signal and the pain stops"Pain is a danger signal, and in the case of TMS, the belief that the pain is dangerous is the only thing keeping it going. If you can truly embrace that this pain is not dangerous, it deactivates your danger signal and the pain stops."


I can understand that my pain is not a result of a physical injury or abnormality and does not pose further physical threat. I know that I don't have to fear injury. Easy. But I can't shake the fear of the onset of the pain itself (it is the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced, how can I NOT fear that?) or the embarrassment that comes with it, as I have chronic low back pain that makes me spasm and fall to the ground. This most often happens at work when I am on my feet for extended hours. I am a bartender. When I have an episode it is alarming to customers and humiliating for me.

Also, while I understand there is no physical threat to my body, what about the threat of the pain affecting my ability to work and support myself and my daughter. I am a single mother without support from my ex. That seems like a logical fear.

This pain has manifested many fears surrounding it, outside of physical injury, and those are the fears I have trouble letting go of.

 

[balto]

Hi Jan,
We tmser's all went through the same thing you are right now. We all suffer from the shock of the initial pain spasm. The embarrassment of running around looking for a bathroom when the ibs strike. The terrible migraine that won't go away when we're in a meeting or are taking an important exam... All of us also worry about paying our bills. How are we're going to survive if we can't work? how I am going to pay this month's rent? How am I going to feed my children tonight... I went through all that so I know exactly how you feel. It seem like such an impossible challenge to overcome, but you know what? you can do it. I did it and I personally known of thousand who have overcame tms by eliminate their FEAR.
When we were born we have only 2 fears, the fear of the feeling of being drop and fear of being abandon by our mother. Every other fear we have we learned it, we acquired it through ignorant. Please spend some of your time carefully reading Alan's newest posts. He gave us tons of information on how to get better.
Here is the few things I have learned from other wise people that I want to share with you:
- Most fear are learned and we can unlearn it. Realize this and your confidence of getting rid of fear will improve a little.
- "Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain". Mark Twain. This is what psychologist call Exposure therapy. Just let your back pain attack happen. Try not to react to it emotionally. Just be an observer and let it happen and let it pass. It will past. The more it happened with you not reacting to it the less it will happen... and one day it will be gone.
- We all have a very high tolerant to pain. The pain usually is not what bother us most, it is the fear of "what if"? "what is wrong?" that is bother us the most. Try to tell your brain that just let it happen this one time with me not thinking anything. I'm just going to wait it out and not let it scaring me and let see what it can do to me. After a few time you will see that the pain is not that bad. The more calmly you can react to it the less intense it will be and the less often it will happen.
- Life is full of challenge, right now realize that you health is more important than anything. For now try not to worry about your ability to support your family. Try not to add any more stress fuel to an already hot tms fire. We'll worry about it later. Believe me, being a homeless with a healthy back is much better than an employed person with tms back pain.
- spend time reading the success stories section on this forum. There are tons of useful information on it and it will build your confidence in your fight against this monster tms. It will show you that this monster tms is pretty much all big talk about nothing. We can all overcome it.

Good luck January,

 

[Baseball65]

[/QUOTE]
Also, while I understand there is no physical threat to my body, what about the threat of the pain affecting my ability to work and support myself and my daughter. I am a single mother without support from my ex. That seems like a logical fear.

This pain has manifested many fears surrounding it, outside of physical injury, and those are the fears I have trouble letting go of.[/QUOTE]

That 'fear' is probably one of the key issues causing your pain. I have found that Low back pain usually had something to do with supporting myself and my family. I know this sounds hellish, but if you stay focused on that when you feel the onset of symptoms, it might abort them.

Fear is the primordial 'not ok-ness' with being that all of us suffer from... Dukkha, original sin, maya, The ten thousand things.... every religion has tried to describe that fundamental unease that is part of human alienation. In TMS recovery, you finally get to USE that seemingly useless stuff for something. The daily reminders....stay focused on the psychological, not physical. As your symptoms abate (and they will) you won't have to keep your head in such a bummer of a place, but for right now it might expedite your healing and then ultimately bring back a confidence of sorts...YOU will know how to stop the pain in it's tracks. I promise

 

[January]

@balto @Baseball65

Thank you both so much for your encouraging words.

I recently had a few weeks of greatly reduced pain and was really starting to trust my body again. I had previously quit my job as a bartender because my pain would typically peak after standing on my feet for several hours and work became unbearable.

So, when I started feeling better, I put it to the test. Long walks, jogs (I hate running but was so happy that I COULD, that I DID almost every day for a couple weeks), went to the driving range, stood for entire concerts... all without a single episode. I still had kind of a dull ache but insignificant by comparison to the severe spasms I was used to.

I was so excited that I decided it was time to start looking for a job. But even though I was feeling great and excited to work, I think I still had some fear as to whether I could really handle it. I know I still had fear, because I accepted only a part-time bartending gig that consisted very short shifts (usually less than 4 hours), although I had numerous full-time offers. I didn't want to commit to something I wasn't sure I could do and let my employers down.

Anyway, even working only short shifts, I started to notice the pain gradually rearing it's ugly head...but not quite to the significance it once had. I decided to go ahead and start an additional part time job consisting of only 1-2 nights a week but with longer shifts. Well, I worked my first 8 hour shift last week and guess what? It's like I backslid right back to where I had been before I had quit working.

Apparently this is common with TMSers. The good news, I suppose, is that I have finally been awarded the proof that it IS indeed TMS (as I have no other explanation of the sudden improvement) and am, hopefully, identifying the very fears that are keeping me trapped here.

Now for the hard part. To, as you say, unlearn these fears and stop fueling this monster. I have been anticipating with terror the next few days; I am pretty much working doubles for 3 days. But I will try to brush the fear aside and if pain should arise I will take it as an opportunity to practice my unlearning.

Thanks again for your support. This is a difficult topic to discuss with the people in my life, even with those who can relate on account of their own chronic pain, because few people accept/acknowledge the idea of TMS when I bring it to their attention. I am thankful to have found a forum full of support from like-minded people who understand what I'm going through. ❤