Day 4 The most disheartening..

when I had my first appointment with the orthopaedic surgeon and he said pretty bluntly that my pain will never go away and I'll have to find a way to put up with it. He effectively made me feel like there was no hope to overcome chronic pain, and I remember trying to plan at least one effective method to end my life if it was to get any worse. I think surgeons can become quite pessimistic, but they would likely just call themselves 'realists'.

 

Hi there,

Geez, that sounds like a very unpleasant visit. Please remember he is a surgeon but he doesn't know everything. Keep up the good work with the program and I bet you will find relief. Take care.

 

Beautiful Elise Rose ... what that doctor did is called Nocebo. It is also known as 'medical cursing' (think voodoo cursing). They do it all the time (if you don't have this screen test you could get [fill in], etc). Back in 2001, I had an orthopedic surgeon tell me quite bluntly "You are screwed.". He said the replacement joint in my foot is doomed, and I had about five years. Until then, he recommended that I find any and all alternative medicines that I could find. So I did just that. Sixteen years later, my 'doomed' foot is not perfect, but it sometimes is more stable than my other foot. Gentle yoga was primarily the practice that relieved the critical situation.

You say he made me .... but you can choose how much power he really has over you. Take back your power. We tend to put doctors in a position of power, but they are only as good as what falls into their field of expertise. Since chronic pain is NOT something most doctors can deal with, he now falls into the literal category of being ignorant of what you need to heal. Rather than saying he could not help you, he chose to deliver a Nocebo. That makes him (in my opinion) unworthy of being called a doctor (thou shall not do harm). And if he is unworthy of being a doctor, his words no longer matter.

I have major depressive disorder. One of the ways I cope is allowing myself the 'option' of ending my life. I acknowledge that it is always an option. Knowing that, I don't feel so trapped and I can allow myself to engage my curiosity about what is going to happen next. Always ... something interesting happens. Things improve. Then they fall again. And rise up again. A cycle. But that is okay. It is all okay.

I liken it to the ocean. The tide rolling in and pulling out. The ocean is rich with life, exciting, violent, placid, and gorgeous. This is Life.

Your pain, my pain, everyone's pain ... it is an experience. It isn't US. It isn't who we are. We are NOT the pain. When you can connect to YOU, when you can see beneath the layers that bind you up and distract you ... then you can start to diminish the fear, and when the fear softens ... the pain becomes something to observe rather than identifying with.

Rule out, always, any medical causes. Go through the process, but do not allow them to inflict Nocebo upon you. (Recently, I had to establish myself with a new provider, and I told her up front "I know about the power of words and nocebo,". This set the tone for the meeting, and it went well).

You are radiant and strong ... and you can do this.
Self compassion and kindness and patience. These are some of your many tools.

You are loved <3

.... with Love and Gratitude ^_^