The mind is powerful... And terrible.

TL;DR: now feeling symptoms of disease that I googled. Why did I do this? How can I unplanted these new symptom seeds? You don't need to read further unless you want the background of what a disservice the mind and body can to to each other.

Over the weekend, I did some symptom googling to make sure that I didn't have some wild disease, and really did myself a huge disservice. I won't name it here. Or give too many seed planting symptoms.

I'll say that, I had a puzzling interaction with a Dr about a year ago. Not sure if he was having a bad day, or what was going on... but he freaked out visibly about some of my neuro symptoms. "Oh my god.. oh jeeeeeez." he said. I freaked out also. And asked him if and when I should come back in. And he said "if anything stops working." This reaction came after positive straight leg test, amongst other symptoms. I saw a neurologist next month. And told him the symptoms that had freaked out my one Dr. (I had seen 7 Dr's by then), and he did a straight leg raise and I was not positive. I had discomfort at 60°. The neurologist said "I'm not too concerned." And I told him about my other Dr's reaction. He didn't have much to syay.

Well. Fast forward a year later. My straight leg raise is 90°. For neuro stuff. They look for anything in the 30-70° Range. After 70° slack is taken off the nerve. I don't think there's any neural tension now. It seems to be limited my muscle strain now. Took a lot of nerve flossing and light stretching to get there.

Any who. To finally put myself at ease. I did some major googling to see what could have freaked out my one Dr so bad. I think I found it. Based on some of my Dr's other questions that followed his concerned reaction. Am I able to get an erection? Do I ever poop myself? Can I pee? Etc. I was able to do all of those things. I won't give any power to this disease by naming it. But some of the other stuff did seem to fit with what was going on. I went even further to see youtubes of people affected with this terrible disease. And it's a nightmare. Morophine for life, chronic neuro pain type stuff, sometimes involving paralysis.

Well, upon watching this. I was convinced I have the disease. As much as I went into this thing, as a way to put myself at ease from that freaky Dr visit. And celebrate my 90° range of motion. I was now sweating in fear. This was Sunday. I lost my appetite. My legs started buzzing. I've had leg buzzing throughout this whole thing (over a year). And I've noticed a huge correlation between stress and leg buzzing. But once they start buzzing. It's hard to get them to stop.... no matter how relaxed I become.

Well. This morning I woke up with burning stinging on my arms legs and butt. Which happen to be a major discomfort for the sufererers of the disease I now know about. "Hot poker.... bee stings..." all of these pain word have been echoing in my mind the past few days.

I know anxiety causes these things. Zaps. Burning. Cold zaps. Etc etc etc. but all of those words and odds and symptoms. And coincidences. They've been spiraling and replaying in my mind. It's like "even if I had this disease. What a coincidence that I should start feeling the main pain symptoms the day after learning about it." The good news is that my legs stopped buzzing. But now I'm getting zapped with crazy pain.

Any advice on how to get this new fear out of my system?

 

Wow reading you i recognize myself. I know about the disease you are talking about. I succesfully remove the fear of this but only to replace it with an other one. I guess the new self diagnose was scarier for me and got stuck. I whish i never googled symptoms and just let it go but now its too late and im currious to read others about it.

 

You do know? I'm seeing a Dr next week. I hope he'll be able to clarify some things for me.

I only spent 30 mins perusing info before I couldn't handle it. I've been dealing with this for over a year now. I gained a lot of my strength back. A lot of my sensations have calmed. seems like most of those folks have major symptoms at night. Thats when things calm down for me. Based on what you know about it, I'm probably not affected by it would you think?

 

I am no doctor but the fact that you are getting better is quite positive in my opinion.

 

Having been in your shoes for about a decade I can safely say that the best way to get a fear out of your system is to replace it with an even better fear. Worried about MS? Just read up about mad cow disease and MS becomes a distant memory, mad cow disease getting you down? Google ALS and get on that crazy train.

The point here is obviously that you can go round and round in circles with this and move from one disease fixation to another and then in due course probably arrive back at the original fixation and rinse and repeat the process.

From experience I can categorically tell you that every single symptom you are explaining can be a physical manifestation of anxiety. I can't guarantee that is what you have but when you consider the symptoms in conjunction with the way they are presenting and how you are interpreting them well I'm sure Occam and his razor would say Yes.

It is clear as day you as stuck in the health anxiety loop and I'm sure you know this as well...you are probably trying to throw cold hard logic at the problem to solve it but are finding that this just isn't working. I have to say that in my experience the only cure/respite from this is to allow yourself the time to let your nervous system recover, this can be a lengthy process. Googling symptoms and going on forums is totally counter productive to recovery...I'm sure you have the knowledge and smarts to move forward so you just have to apply them in a methodical and above all consistent manner.

 

Just to add that when my anxiety started one of the very first symptoms I had was the weird internal buzzing/vibrating sensations in my legs...these could even be felt in my genital area at times so it wasn't all bad. . It was the strangest thing and the only way I could ever get close to explaining it was like the feeling of high pressure water going through a hose. This lasted on and off for at least 18 months and then the twitching started. During this period I also often had the sensation of one moment feeling like I was sitting in a wet patch with my skin feeling cold and damp and then it feeling almost sun or wind burnt...it would occasionally be red but more often than not the skin would look normal but feel like it was burnt. Don't get me started on the sensation of feeling like I was wearing socks even though I wasn't and the fact that I'd wake up most nights with dead hands and pins and needles...that used to drive me potty.

All theses neuro sensations and skin parathesia things really are incredibly common with physical anxiety...it is hard not to lose your mind with it all but of course the more you react to a symptom/sensation then the more it keeps on giving, when you factor in the hyper vigilance we have to the symptoms and the somatic amplification that we bring to them it really is the perfect storm for health anxiety to take a grip.

 

Thanks for the info Huckleberry. Just kinda needed to hear this kind of thing from other people who have been through it. Your first 18 months sounds exactly like me. It's just so wild to think that I'm feeling better... and feeling calm. And it just sneaks in a different direction. This time last year, there was almost nothing you could say to me, to convince me that I didnt have a nasty neuro. Just hard to believe how deep the physical anxiety is.

The crazy thing with the buzzing is, sometimes I can turn it off. I can convince my nervous system that I am ok.. and I will let my legs.... expand if you will. Thats kind of the sensation. An expansion. As soon as I can flip that switch, I can usually have a week or two free from buzzing. As soon as it starts up again, I realize that I am compressing myself and breathing shallow. And feeling nervous for another round of the buzzing discomfort.

I think this stuff is all amplified because I am a perfectionist. And if something doesn't feel right in the body, its a disaster x's 10.

 

Yep, I have that perfectionist trait as well and just like you if something isn't quite right with my body I just can't relax and sit with it. Even if I don't over-castrophise the symptom I will still worry and fret about it. I can't just let it be. I've often thought about the example of when people get a wood splinter. If my wife gets one she will just leave it be and wait for it to inevitably work itself out. If I get a splinter it totally screws with my idea of the 'perfect body' and I just have to get it out asap...even if it means turning my finger into a bloody mess digging it out with a pin. This doesn't just apply to my body. If I'm shopping for something even if I find the item that fits the description of what I want I will still linger etc thinking there must be a better option etc. Everything I purchase is also inspected thoroughly as even the slightest imperfection or blemish would scupper my enjoyment of the whole product. Frustrating eh.