Day 6 The lingering fear

O fear..! the biggest enemy in my TMS journey.
My fear level has moderately come down, but it's still lingering. The major one is "I don't even wanna imagine how much it'd be bad if the pain develops more." It starts from the fear of symptoms because I really do not want to have them and just want them to decrease. And then it develops into the fear of that fear: "oh shoot this fear will just feed TMS and I'll have more pain!"

For example, my wrist pain has lessened a lot these days, and I'm not using wrist braces at all. However, the soreness comes and goes quite frequently, especially when I'm using my hands. I still do have a doubt that it's pure TMS, and this doubt only makes the pain worse. (Meditation helps in this state. Just keep thinking "I'm healthy" as an affirmation helps me relieve my tension on wrists. Even if the pain itself doesn't subside immediately, it at least relieve my emotional tension and makes me move on.)

My ankle pain has come back again, and it definitely annoys me. I really hate it. But I know there is no wrong there, and I'm just living with it. Its coming back tells me I'm still in fear. It can be fear of not recovering fast, of existing symptoms and its pain level, of possible future symptoms, or of fear of the fear itself. It is a vicious cycle. yuck!

The butt pain when sitting--the worst and most recent one--has lessened a little, and I attribute the improvement to my recent epiphany from my family. I can be frustrated when the pain grows again, but I should harden my mind, because that doesn't mean I don't deserve a happy life. I want to work, earn enough money, exercise, pursue a happy relationship with boyfriend, continue my religious life, etc. There are so many things I want to have back in my life.

Fear and anxiety..... the worst and biggest enemy! The real success will come as soon as I overcome them, but it is not so easy. BUT it's good that I know where to go!

 

The thing is, Seraphina, you can do all those things whether you have pain or not.

Once I realized that it wasn't the pain keeping me from living my life, but rather the underlying psychological/emotional issues that the pain was distracting me from, then I began to make significant and lasting progress in getting rid of TMS.

Keep your focus on the psychological, not the physical, and you will continue to make progress.