Day 26 The last time I talked with my parents

[Fredric]

The last time I talked with my mother was in winter of 1995. I did not expect my parents to be there. I had avoided them for a couple of years.
I was at a party for my infant nephew and went outside to get away from her. I think that my older nephew had invited me to come outside with him and his friend.
My mother followed me. I felt burdened and trapped as usual. She started conversing with me as if there were no problems between us and as if I had not been shunning her. I brought up that I had a diagnosis of fibromyalgia. She dismissed that, saying, "oh, tense muscles," and then proceeded to blabber at me about my father's work project and about her middle-aged female physical issues.
It was not until later that I realized how angry I was about her dismissal and about her once again using me as a peer and confidant. I'd been more concerned about getting away from her.
I think that the last time I spoke with my father was within a year or two later when I confronted him about their being incest perpetrators. He shouted at me, and I was self doubting and tense and worn out and raw.

 

[srton]

Can you look at your past self and say "gee Fredric I'm sorry that this is happening to you, you DON'T deserve this!"
Can you look at yourself, self doubting, tense worn out and raw and just give that past self a bug HUG!
This sounds hard and it sounds like processing it is pretty difficult.
Way to be strong and go there and share your thoughts here. You're very brave and you deserve all the best.