Day 1 : The Journey

I have accepted that I am a TMS'er. I have realized that my childhood, my experiences, my personality all have made contributions to a "savings account" of emotional pain. Looking back I am certain this pain has manifested itself in many physical anomalies. As a young man strong and fit I would play full court hard-core basketball and hurt my back so bad it would put me on the floor for days. As a young Dad once I lifted one of my baby girl from her high chair, sneezed and "threw my back out" for weeks. For years I had a terrible "knot" between my shoulder blades. One year I had a headache, for the entire year, treated with amitryptylene. I developed GERD, a stomach acid overproduction issue. Then I suffered, the "big one". When lifting sheets of 3/4" plywood out of my truck I felt a strange pressure in my lower back. Then my right foot went numb. Progressively I developed a sciatica that was very sharp. So I had the MRI, found the culprit disk herniated and had surgery. On the way to the hospital the pain was irregularly unbearable, odd looking back. For a while things were calm. But then left shoulder became a problem, so cortisone was shot in there twice. Calm. Then the back was again a problem as legs were hurting. So, went back in for more surgery to get the machinery working right again. Dr admitted it was odd that disc was herniated to left but pain was on right, duh! After this surgery I became engrossed in worry and fear that I was going to be a cripple. I fell into depression and shock in my opinion. I was overwhelmed emotionally and as a result my body was lit with pain and sensation everywhere. It was really incredible looking back how reactive the body was to my emotional state. My nerves were like a forest fire. Then I read about Sarno in a Men's Health magazine and followed up reading a few books. I became endowed with new information, new knowledge. I forced myself to get back to the things I once enjoyed. I got back to cycling, running, building cabinets, landscaping. I have overcome my fear of my back or doing damage to my body or that I am going to be crippled. The issues in my life that I would like to work on include my legs feeling irritatingly "nervy" when I am sitting, pains in my legs that move around from hamstring to calf to quads and a feeling of emotional instability that lingers. I know 100% that I have been suffering years with TMS. I want to continue to learn how to live in and with myself more effectively by relating to myself and life in healthier ways.

 

Chad,
Welcome to this Forum and Wiki. What a wonderful intention you are making for yourself.

I want to suggest right away that you go to the TMS Recovery Program and work through that first, if you have not already. It develops skills and attitudes which go deep, and then you can return to the SEP.

One reason I mention this is to encourage you to be less concerned about your remaining symptoms, and this Recovery Program demonstrates how this works.

You know where your symptoms come from, or can continue to inquire and fine tune your understanding. They are TMS, plain and simple, in your understanding. Given this, then there is nothing that need be done about them other than, in a relaxed way, acknowledging this to yourself, every time your mind goes there. "So what? I am prone to TMS like every human who walked this planet. Maybe this symptom today has to do with ________________that I might be feeling? It can't hurt me, and if I focus on trying to rid myself of it, it only fuels its "job" of distraction."

Forgive me for jumping in with advice, but this is what occurs to me to say. Be not concerned with symptoms.

Good luck and I am glad you joined this group!

Andy B