Book The Great Pain Deception

Steve is terrific. I posted about my TMS repressed emotions and he replied
saying I was a "perfect storm" TMS person, from long-ago repressed emotions
stemming from boyhood years involving poverty, parents divorcing, remarrying,
separation, anger, fear, rage. I began journaling and it helped me get rid of the back pain
I was getting from TMS. Sarno and Steve. What a great combination!

 

Oh, yeah, Forest. I have all the respect in the world for Dr. Sarno but I could relate to SO much of Steve's tale Right down to the cracked tooth.

Walt, I used to be so naive about older folks. (Of which I'm quickly becoming one myself! ) I always thought folks with gray hair probably had their stuff sorted out and were healthy and mature. I know now that unless one deals with their issues, a senior may very well just be a hurting child inside. I really appreciate the candor with which you share. I'm learning a lot from your posts and appreciate the kind voice I hear coming through in your writing.

 

As I think about my review of Steve O's book, I realize that the things I liked most about it are also the things that bothered me about it.

I enjoyed his very personal account of what he went through, and I found his style of writing very entertaining and engaging. But it was a bit too 'stream of consciousness' for my brain to absorb and file away the information contained in it. I applaud him for covering so many topics, but the way it was organized was just a little hard to digest at times.

I think it is very hard to pull off what he attempted to do--combine a memoir and a self-help informational book. It was an admirable attempt, and I very much appreciate his contributions to this forum and the call-in discussion group.

 

I liked steves book because on top of telling you everything you needed to know to compliment sarnos work
He also says a lot about things we didn't know about like a symbolic attack. Now im willing to bet someone
out there will get some major help because of that chapter.

He also give you all the examples that if your doing them you could have tms, I like that its cool
and the list goes on.

Very exceptional
5 stars

 

Ellen, It's so fun to see everyone's different observations. I love your "stream of consciousness" comment - I think you're spot on. At this time of my life, I'm finding it just scratches an itch for me so I really dig that aspect of the book.

Herbie, I can hear your kind voice talking now with a southern accent. You're a real gem...so genuine and encouraging!

 

Thank you MontanaMom
You were superb last week on the show, it showed you had courage-
and was willing to step out and enjoy yourself, break the mold-
and enter into what you want to do, have fun and talk or listen- and that heals.
It was great you were their-

Yes Steves book is very educational to say the least ya know- I like the way he says,
he wasn't happy anymore and he had to start smiling again ya know.
I remember when I lost my enthusiasm for just a few months and boy did I suffer for that.
It was not fun- Got it back very Quick.

I just thought about how folks say positive thinking wont help you
Im like, well then how r u supposed to start the healing journey.
You have to have hope and that's positive- hum?
Ya know MontanaMom it is a way of life.

Your a Gem yourself
Bless you

 

Herbie, you are such a natural encourager. Thanks for being YOU!

 

I know I am coming into this thread a bit late, but there is a lot of reading on this forum. Reading this quote was a peculiar coincidence ... but really, there aren't any coincidences. I had just emailed my brother today about my mom's behavior. And then to read this ....

My husband and I moved here to be closer to my mother. She had a brain aneurysm a few years ago. Her recover is considered a miracle. Prior to this event, we were not on good terms with each other. She had become an alcoholic, and her behavior was intolerable to me. I had a great deal of difficulty reconciling the mother I worshiped as a child to the cruel person she was revealing herself to be. The details of what she was doing is irrelevant for this thread ... what IS relevant is how she is now.

Shallow, with various pains, refusing to be anywhere other than the surface of her thoughts. She was molested as a very young child. Her mother is a genuine psychopath (not the criminal variety .. a personality issue) who has created a ripple effect of damage through four generations. I have tried to reach my mom, to encourage the both of us to seek healing ... but she blows me off. Giving up her alcohol is not going to happen. She continues to gain weight.

My mother loves me. Really really loves me. She often has referred to me as her hero.

I have always been the real 'mother' in our relationship. As a child, I would comfort her, but not tell her my problems. During her darkest days, she deliberate hurt me and admitted it. Jealousy, she said.

She has pain. She has deep emotional pain. And she absolutely does not wish to confront it. Her road to happiness is not delving into herself. She may fling out her hostility and bitterness about what her mother allowed to happen (her mother was cheating on her dad, and the boyfriend is the one who molested her), but she won't hear anything else when I try to get her to consider healthier ways of dealing with this.

This quote is exactly her. She does not wish to go there.

It saddens me deeply, almost into a grieving. My mother is lost and I cannot reach her. I can only be here for her to continue to lean on when she needs. I can never speak to her about the 'broken child' that was created because of her life-choices. She was doing the best she could with what she had been dealt. In truth, compared to her sister, she did far better with her kids. My brother and I survived and are very strong. My cousins are far more broken from the horrors, and will likely never emerge from their life-long substance abuses.

Thank you, Steve, for giving me this insight. I have been struggling in confusion over her behavior. Now, there is some sense in it.

with grace and much gratitude,
^_^

 

Lilly Rose, I feel your pain, I had such a young miserable life. I do feel your pain. Let's
talk on real honest terms, not you, just myself. I was born in to a completely abnormal
family, so shocking to learn after all these years. My life still is miserable as my youngest
sister keeps calling me and blaming for the family, my life is so unhappy, I must change
this somehow?? Love, Nancy

 

*shares a gentle hug* That you are here, Nancy, is a huge step towards the change you seek. You cannot change anyone else. Just yourself. Only yourself. That is not an easy thing. Not at all. But you can do this.

Part of the change involves being able to see those around you with new eyes. Beneath the layers of pain and confusion, there is You. Each of us has a living flame within our core. It can never be extinguished, but it can shrink without attention. But most important, it can turn into a wonderful glow of warmth that fills us with such joy when we remove the layers of debris.

Our lives are so very finite. We forget easily that what we are doing here will not last forever. This is why it is so important that you consider this: How do you really want to spend time you have been given?

In your hands, you have $1000 to spend however you want ... you may extend your money if you are conservative, but it will run out eventually. In this scenario, you must choose carefully how you wish to use this money.

This is our life. We can extend what we have by promoting positive energies into and from our bodies. The negative energies sap us more quickly.

It is daunting, this task of changing ourselves. It happens, not overnight, but slowly, in pieces, tiny steps. It helps to write things out ... put to words five things you like about yourself, then five things you like about someone else. You might even write something you like (or love) about someone who is hurting you, or has hurt you.

When you say that your sister is blaming you ... do not accept that which is not yours, Nancy. Family is particularly adept at manipulations and emotional blackmails. They know our weaknesses, and push through our boundaries.

This is where you mush shore up your personal boundaries. There are many ways to do this. I offer this first visual: Look at your hands, examine them front and back. Then imagine a glow arising from your skin and extending outwards, completely encasing your hands. When you can do this ... let that glow move up your arms, and eventually pulsing around your entire body. The glow can be soft white, gold, or rippling with the colors of the rainbow. Practice this. Engage your personal shields. This ..... this is one method of creating a sense of safety and security as you move inwards to work on peeling back the debris covering your inner flame.

I do not know your personal beliefs in the spiritual aspect. My beliefs are not confined to one discipline, but spread across many. We can speak more on this when you feel safe or comfortable enough to share.

The changes you make .... this is all about you. You are strong and you are beautiful, Nancy. You have much to offer. We all do. It is our uniqueness that is of such value. You have been through so much ..... use this to help others. Turn this into compassion and unfurl the wings that you've kept so tightly against your body. Raise up your arms and breathe.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

Lilly Rose, your words are so warm and beautiful, so soothing to me and many others. Your
words this am helped me greatly to move family responsibilities mentally where they belong.
I have carried my sisters problems since childhood. My mother owned a family business that
my sister and I worked. She had a Russian Ballet school in 4 different locations and never had
the time for the 5 children she bore. My sister was basically raised by myself at 6 yrs old. A child
raising a child, not good. My sisters life has always been all about her and after high school she
got married 4 times, has one son she has not seen in 3 yrs and lost the portion of the business
given to her due to her lack of responsibility, pupils just kept dropping out and now she has
nothing and is suddenly contacting me drunk at night. She lives in N.J. where we were raised.
I live in T.N. and only really moved for financial reasons after my husbands death. She never
contacted any siblings except my brother who refuses to help her and I fully understand why.
I more or less need to keep reading and rereading your advice, it really hit home. My sister is
broke now from vacationing all over the world, and expects me to let her come and live with
me. She drinks heavily, has no responsibility, cannot be trusted and I know she has sociopathic
tendencies. She didn't even contact me when my husband died and she only lived 8 mi from
me. I have always been a soft soak but this time even though it hurts, I must learn to say NO.
Lilly Rose, thank you for listening to one of my difficulties. Much caring and love sent to
you, Nancy

 

Hi, for some reason my post to you ended before I was finished expressing my feelings? Thank you
Lilly Rose.

 

Ohh, Nancy ... alcohol abuse is so terribly devastating to be around. Getting those drunk phone calls can twist you all to pieces. It is like talking in micro-circles, going no where with dizzying speed. There are support groups from families of alcoholics. There is also this forum ... which is so generously supportive.

It is so very important to work on your boundaries in a healthy manner. Boundaries aren't walls, but they create your personal space from which you remain centered and safe.

I say this: I believe in you.
Now, you go to a mirror, find your eyes ... and say to your reflection -- I believe in you. Even if you just whisper it .... that is a place to start.
You can do this.
I know, because I believe in you.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

Thank you Lily Rose, you are so comforting as I also have no one here in TN that I can talk to.
I talk to many friends from my home in N.J. but many things I don't wish to discuss with them.
With you I feel comfortable. I am trying to deal with my husbands suicide after 40 yrs of marriage.
my sisters problems, my oldest sons PTSD, and my own. My oldest son was with me when we found
my husband. He has refused to get help, I am desperately helping him to understand that therapy
will help him. He refuses to see a Dr. My hands are tied as he is in his thirties. He also has high
BP and will not take care of it. I raised my children with healthy foods, made their baby food myself,
and gave them so much love. I am so impressed by the help and wise advice you have given me. I
am getting a little better with my my tms, just feel like I just keep getting hit every day with another crisis.
It helps me to write to you, I feel connected to you. My brain is tired as depression weakens any one.
I am determined to get through this, you have given me the encouragement and caring. Thank you. I did look in the mirror and see my eyes saying "I believe in you", I will do it very often.

 

I have bought this book in a dutch online store, so I post my English review of the book in this thread...

Having suffered from many things myself, I had a jaw-dropping experience when I ran into a site about TMS close to a year ago. Before I read Steve's book 'the great pain deception', the only other book I had read was Sarno's 'the mindbody prescription'. Where Sarno's is a book by a great doctor who has had experience with thousands of patients over many years, Steve's is written by a TMS-sufferer (and suffer he did!) who gained much knowledge during his recovery and after. His personal story, in which he is very open about himself, really helps to understand the theory about mindbody interference and how to counter it.

The book gives great insight in the theory about how the process of mindbody disorders works. Also it describes a large amount of possible symptoms that can be the result. He isn't scared to touch taboo disorders that show clear signs of having a psychological factor involved. Of course there are many pages dedicated to what we sufferers can do to heal ourselves. There are many quotes from respectible people and references to literature that strengthen the content. It is not a book that has been written in a couple of months by a recovered patient who wants to share his story. In my mind it must be the result of years collecting knowledge and other people's experiences.

A lot in the book is of course a repetition of things Sarno taught us and him, but on many occasions Steve goes deeper or wider. For example, any skeptic uses Sarno's use of Freud's theories to reject the whole theory of mindbody disorders. Personally I find this an easy way out, because the main purpose of it is to explain how the empirically established connection between the mind and body could work. Steve takes his time to call in Jung and other scientific material to further bolster the theory.

Although his personal experience with TMS has been dreadful, Steve seems to be a cheerful soul. For example, he clearly enjoys making grammatical jokes. He finds it irrestible to write 'but' with two t's if he is talking about pain in the buttocks. Some may find this juvenile, I had several moments in which I was reading the book with a grin on my face. Reading things like 'Boring system #1 - The sympathetic' really shows what many readers must feel when struggling through scientific stuff. His style of writing makes the book easier to digest.

That said, the two perspectives sometimes make the book difficult to read. This is my personal opinion, because I always need a clear structure to 'get it'. This structure is sometimes lacking due to jumping from one perspective to another. Being a non-native english speaker, reading an english book is extra difficult for me, so that may also be a factor.

To conclude, I feel this book deserves a place on my book shelf right next to Sarno's.

 

I first read Sarno's Healing back pain twice and then came across Steven's The great pain deception. While reading Steve's story I actually remembered lot's of similar maladies that I went through. It gave me additional certainty and proof that I have TMS. So while reading, I made contact with Steve. That was again crucial step for me because reading a book and talking with it's author was like making a certain diagnose. This book must be translated to other languages, if it's not yet. Words that encouraged me through book are: You will heal and You will heal when you are ready. I suppose I could say this book is TMS Bible.

 

I'm half way through The Great Pain Deception (more or less, it's hard to tell on kindle). I was gripped by the beginning explanation of the play between the ego(persona), superego, and the id. It was a complex topic and, in my opinion, Steve does an excellent job in explaining it so that I could understand it and apply it in light of my TMS symptoms and the internal conflict that is their source.

I am just at the part when Steve starts to learn about TMS, thankfully. I connected so much with his painful story that it felt as though my TMS equivalents got stirred up and acted up on me on hearing his own struggles. Is that even possible that my empathy reawakened my own symptoms? How crazy is that?!

Can't wait to read on and see how he came out of it all. So happy to see his vigorous, thriving picture beside his posts. Thank you, thank you, Steve.