Day 1 The first of many steps

[JulieB]

Hi everyone, today is day #1 for me of doing this program. My world changed completely about 7 years ago when my oldest son (he was 4 at the time) started exhibiting facial tics and some soft vocal tics. To say that this freaked me out is a huge understatement. The neurologist said if the tics didn't go away by one year, he would be diagnosed as having Tourette's. This was unacceptable to me and my mind and I was maxed out with mental stress. I was obsessed with reading everything I could about natural treatments, etc., meanwhile, working out 2 hours every morning at 5am to stay in shape and maintain control over my body, about the only thing I felt I could control. Then, I came down with an infection, which then blew up into vulvodynia. My world was then completely shattered. Six months later, I was depressed, still in constant pain and PT helped a little but as I was still working out hard everyday, my body gave up even more. Now I had SI Joint dysfunction and back pain. I became bedridden with extreme fatigue, all over body burning (it hurt to wear glasses or my hair in a pony tail, lay down, etc.), pain in my arms near the elbow, back pain and depression and only got out of bed to walk my kids to school and prepare lunches, meals, etc. I stopped working out, was prescribed anti-depressants and was told my labs were normal and that I was a "stressed out mom who needed to go home, breathe and do yoga." I finally understood why some people commit suicide. I begged the Lord to take me off of this earth.

Since that time I have improved and then "crashed" again and again. I have been diagnosed with adrenal fatigue but have continued to improve to about 90% and then I overdo it again and crash, but my back has continued been an issue. My SI joint always seems to "go out", but my xray 3 years ago was normal. I am considering getting another one done to show my brain that it isn't my back that is the problem . The adrenal piece is the part that confuses me. Can this be a separate thing from TMS or is it always a part of it?

Anyway, I am a type A, overachiever, people pleaser, do-gooder. I was a Division I athlete, good student and then worked in a presitigious accounting firm in downtown Chicago. I was always injured in college (and after) with either Achilles tendonitis or bursitis behind my knees. (The first two years I had multiple stress fractures, but I don't think that counts as TMS???) However, I have always said I've had a great life, but looking back there has been a lot of crap that I have experienced and I don't think I allowed myself to fully feel the associated anger, sadness, rage, etc.

Anyway, I look forward to this journey. I truly want to believe this is TMS (although this is going to be a lot harder than doing the physical work and the nutritional pieces that I have been doing for my adrenals). I find myself fighting against doing the emotional work. These testimonies are inspirational and I pray that I will be able to help others with my testimony one day. Blessings!

 

[Lavender]

Dear Julie B,
I think you will discover that one of the benefits of this forum, in my opinion, is that reading about others who are in the process of healing and experiencing similar symptoms, somehow diffuses the fear that goes along with them, especially the strange ones.
For instance, I too have always been perhaps overly concerned and puzzled about those “hot- above-the elbow pains that you describe.” My doctor did say it is nerve pain. However, they flare unpredictably and I know of no one else who has had them. This very morning, I was wondering if I had ever seen anyone on the forum who experienced that as part of their TMS and lo and behold, you helped me by mentioning that you have that too.
Somehow, with my reading about it on your post, it is easier to put the sucker where it belongs and knocks it down a peg from its position as Chief Fear Producer.
I wish you all the best in your journey.
Lavender

 

[JulieB]

Dear Lavender,
Thank you for your encouragement and I am so glad also, that someone else has these weird pains in the arms. Mine, too, have flared on and off again. It truly is interesting. I think you are right about reading others' experiences and healings and it being a spirit lifter and encourager. I have begun to notice the "fear messages" that constantly plague my mind and I know I have a lot of work to do to dispel the fear but reading these postings is a good start and to realize that the loneliness I feel in this situation is another lie. There are others like me out there and here on the forum and that, too, is a comfort. It was hard for me to post on this forum, but I think this can only serve to help me and hopefully, others.

Blessings to you, Lavender.

Julie