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the ever-building uncomfortableness

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by eskimoeskimo, Mar 7, 2016.

  1. eskimoeskimo

    eskimoeskimo Well known member

    Hi All,

    Throughout my day, when trying to focus on the tasks at hand, there's a battle between the uncomfortable feelings in my body (pain, tension, all of the sensations that I label as anxiety) and the world in front of me. This, in turn, creates more anxiety and tension.

    Reading and school work, for example, reliably break me down into an angry and confused pulp, because there's pressure to focus and and I'm still and sitting... so the neck pain and heartbeat thumping are at their max. Any tips for how to push forward? Should I try challenging these uncomfortable feelings? Encourage them? Ignore them? I can't read a chapter without having a breakdown.

  2. eskimoeskimo

    eskimoeskimo Well known member

    Also, I'd really like to know if anyone can relate to this? I've always struggled to find information on this phenomenon. I've found that trying to read a book is the very toughest thing for me. It heightens all of my symptoms, and I don't think it has anything to do with an attention deficit. I think it's that my brain is relentless in keeping me attached to my physical symptoms. It won't let me let go and pay attention to anything else. That makes sense to me, but I've tried so many angles to make some headway on this, all without success.
    Tassie Devil likes this.
  3. Tassie Devil

    Tassie Devil Peer Supporter

    I have had this sometimes in the past and found that if I find a safe place (hallway) and take the book and walk and read aloud, after a little while things settle down and I am able then to read silently still walking for a few minutes, then walk to a chair and continue reading. As soon as I feel I'm becoming unsettled I repeat the process. It did work for me in time. I totally understand the hammering heart and anxiety accompanying this awful phenomenon. Good luck :)
  4. eskimoeskimo

    eskimoeskimo Well known member

    Thanks Tassie Devil. I've tried reading out-loud and pacing around. It's strange how big of thing this has become. I think I've put a lot of additional pressure on this one because reading is important to me and used to be one of my respites from the torment. Also, because it highlights all of my issues, it's become a sort of litmus test for me. If I ever need to remind myself that I'm a mess, I just sit down and try to read a book. And it's additionally disorienting because it's such a benign activity... I just want to scream "what the hell is this!!!" I find when I read out-loud and pace around, it's a little harder to feel my heartbeat so it's a little easier to read. But my brain is still searching for the heartbeat and distracting from the reading. Somehow I think I've got to relearn just sitting with the feelings in my body. I've learned to label every sensation as 'anxiety' and I've learned to believe that anxiety is unacceptable.
    Tassie Devil likes this.
  5. Tassie Devil

    Tassie Devil Peer Supporter

    Hi eskimoeskimo. The awareness of anxiety as a major reaction to most everything was and still is, my own bugbear but each day I learn a little more about the damage it's done over the years and I'm damned if I'm going to let it control me and everything I am for much longer. There will be more help for you on here I'm sure and you already are doing the good self-talk so I know you will overcome it. I now treat my anxiety with much more contempt than fear these days, but then I do the self-love affirmations and breathing exercises. Anything that works. Good luck EE
  6. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    I think this is a great insight. To me it shows your courage to "stand in the fire" a little bit, and not be completely overcome with the "anxiety about the 'anxiety.' You show a lot of insight, including that reading is being challenged, because it was the one place you used to be able to escape! Ultimately anxiety and fear can't kill us, but they feel like they can! Keep hanging in there...
    Boston Redsox and eskimoeskimo like this.
  7. eskimoeskimo

    eskimoeskimo Well known member

    You and me both!

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