Day 1 The bridge between a pain filled and pain free world

My journey with TMS and it's acceptance has been one hell of a ride. I still find it quite insane at times, that in the last month I've been doing things I didn't dream of doing for the last 1 year.

I've fully accepted the TMS diagnosis but I still do have moments of doubt and fear.
I've completed Dr. Alan Gordon's pain program a week ago and have now decided to jump into the SEP to delve deeper and learn more about myself.

I refer to the current time in my life as a bridge because I do still have pain but either don't bother too much about it or tell my brain that i know what it's doing and i've caught it lapsing way too many times to actually bother about any symptoms it throws at me.

Some doubts that I have regarding TMS is the use of physical therapy (mostly dry needling) and training with a personal trainer.
I find that some amount of physical therapy via dry needling does help me recover and loosen up my muscles quicker especially post playing a sport (ultimate frisbee usually).
Post playing my muscles especially in the glutes and hamstrings tend to get tight and my knees don't feel as stable while running. (Knees are structurally fine, just old injuries that the TMS is using to play with me)

I do however acknowledge that this is a transition phase from having played no sports for the last 2 years to now playing regularly again and it's just a matter of conditioning. I am careful not to make the mistake of believing that the physical therapy will cure me, but rather look at it as a support for me to help my body get back to it's previous rugged conditioning.
I like working with a personal trainer because I had so many mental restrictions when it came to movement, so I find it helpful to slowly ramp it up week by week. I also do want to focus on building athletic prowess so I look at personal training more from that angle - how can I increase my speed? how can I jump higher? can I train my fast twitch muscles, strength, coordination? all that good stuff

I foam roll, stretch and use a foam ball to do various self fascial releases.
With all these, I still recognise that these are merely tools to aid me in my healing process with the real root of the symptoms being in my brain.

Another observation I made which is quite amusing to me now is, the first day I went to play I was ecstatic. Extremely sore for the next 4 days, but ecstatic.
The next couple of times I went to play, I was able to play more, but found myself sad and down post playing which was so confusing to me in the moment.
It took me a couple of days to realise that my self critical habit and pressure that I put on myself was creeping back in. As I felt better, the bar in my brain kept raising and was trying to keep me in this perpetual cat and mouse chase.
It was then that I decided that I would find joy in small things throughout the day. I looked back at the progress that I have made in the last month and I smile, laugh and tell myself how proud of myself I am.

Yet, I am only human so this struggle is constant. I just don't pay heed to it anymore.
My new belief is to allow myself to feel things and then let them pass through me.
Sadness, Anger, Happiness all of it.
Feel it, experience it and then bye bye see you next time.
Would love to hear any thoughts on how this belief can be practiced in a healthy and safe manner.

Much Love to all

 

@invincible
You sound like you’re doing awesome! Congrats on all your success. You have a lot of wisdom regarding healing from TMS. Thanks for sharing!

 

Have you ever read Hope and Help for Your Nerves, by Claire Weekes, MD? It’s also available on audible.com. She talks a lot about just floating through your emotions as they wave over you. She is a favorite of many here on the forum.

 

@Diana-M Thanks for the motivation!
Funnily enough I have the book right next to me. Currently finishing off The Mind Body Prescription and then I'll start off on it.

Do you know if there is any way I can tag my post with a 'physiotherapy/physical therapy/dry needling' tag?
Will that help those who know more about the doubt that I have find it more easily?

 

Ha! That’s great you have the book! You add tags at the top. Just search for the words you want and add. If there isn’t a tag you want, you can just create one.

 

What you’re doing (needling, foam rolling, stretching the painful muscles) is the opposite of TMS recovery. You’re obviously haven’t read the book and seen that Dr Sarno says to discontinue all physical therapy and focus exclusively on emotions. You’re obsessed with fixing the body and clearly don’t believe in TMS. You need to do your homework and decide, you can’t serve two masters at once.

 

I won't say you have to stop, that's something for you to feel, but it can be interesting to see what you'll think will happen if you'd stop the dry needling. These things can be a major clue in what imagery your tms brain is using.

you say when you do dry needling your muscles are loosening up, especially post exercise.
does that mean you think when the muscles are tight there is more pain?
Why do you think that a tense muscle would cause pain? maybe your tense muscles are just totally healthy and just doing some normal "tensing".

Also why do you think your muscles are tight? is it a feeling? could that feeling be tms?
I've heard Alan gordon say there's research about people being very bad at feeling muscle tention accurately. (they say it's tense, it's not. they say it's not tense, it is.) Maybe your muscles are perfectly relaxed at this moment.

My muscle pain went away after believing I didn't have to relax the muscles before the pain could go away.. It can be a mental block to believe you first have to relax OR ELSE it will hurt.

hope this helps in some way!

 

ah I just see the date of your post so this may not be relevant anymore. I hope you're doing ok!

 

yep hahaha this is really old. I'm doing great, hope you're doing great too!

 

So good to hear! Me too

 

Thanks @JanAtheCPA good to know. I wasn't sure how to handle the response on the post. Got angry for a little bit and typed out a response, then took a deep breath and deleted all of it, and went on with my day once i saw it was a newcomer posting. Will know what to do in the future now though, thanks!