That Stubborn Last 5% of Pain

[bluealchemy]

Thought I was due for a little check in!

I'm approaching exactly 3 months since the onset of pain. I think at this rate, I'm moving in the right direction - I started the structured educational program and really relinquished my diagnosis exactly one month ago.

I've recovered I would say 85% or so in this time. I found myself in no pain most moments, and still, my mind just drifted back to my back because of how much I had reinforced that as just the resting state of my mind. So I figured that as great as the structured education program is, I needed to walk away and stop focusing on it and just get back into my life.

I have intentionally been staying off the forum. I was starting to overthink and obsess about my TMS recovery, which just took up too much mental real estate and felt like a distraction.

Anyways - I'm left with a lingering pressure in my low back. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn't. I'll have moving pains but the same old lower left side area still feels a dull sore jab when I tilt my pelvis forward.

Right in that saaame exact area. The lower left side. It's so much less than it was, I can bend over and pick things up with ease which in and of itself is a miracle. Goes to show how the brain on TMS is never fully satisfied - my perfectionism extends to my healing - all or nothing thinking like if I am not 100% pain free then I need to obsess over the 5% worth of pain versus the 95% of recovery I have made.

I appreciated the lessons on fear of pain and being detached to symptom outcomes.

But what I definitely struggle with is obsessing over that stubborn final lingering pain! It isn't debilitating, it isn't severe, but it's often there. Mentally, I associate it sometimes to martial arts or how intensely I am working out. I refuse to stop training and working out, I'm not going to let those thoughts get the best of me. I just really love being active and getting strong. Mentally, on some level, I fear that these intense sports are slowing things down.

Anyways, all in all - things are on track! I just am dancing the line between staying active with TMS recovery work, while also not making it an identity which causes an obsession with healing itself.

lots of love

 

[Ellen]

Congratulations on your success! Sounds like you are on the right track with this. One of the personality traits of those of us with TMS is perfectionism. I think it is normal to have some physical discomfort, especially if you are engaging in intense physical activity. Just let it be, and continue to enjoy moving and getting stronger. Over time you will notice it less.

 

[CaptivaLady]

Hi Blu! This resonates with me. I went quickly from 9/10 to 1-2/10 pain. I bounced around the level 1 (aka 90% better) for quite a while. Like you, I’d have times of zero pain. The past few months have been zero nearly all the time. In that time, I’ve continued to increase activity all while enduring work stress and the loss of my beloved Grandmother. So, I continue to expand strength and capacity even during tough times.

keep living your life on your terms. The winds will shift a bit more and those level 1 days will turn to hours to minutes…. To distant memories.

 

[jaumeb]

Don't worry about the pain. If you know for sure that it is TMS pain, then you can continue with your life without thinking about the pain.

I learned about TMS long time ago. 2016? I was in this forums. At some point I just continued with my life without thinking too much about the pain. I just come back to the forums from time to time to say that reading Sarno's books helped me a lot.

It can be misleading to think that the pain will disappear and wait for it to disappear 100%. The powerful idea is to think psychologically about that pain. Understanding the pain is what allows us to deal with it.