Day 4 Thanks, doc!

[TheNewYorker]

Question to ponder: What was the most disheartening thing a doctor has told you about your symptoms? In what ways have you kept that in your mind?

Hearing that there was no physical reason for the numbness and tingling I’ve had in my left hand and foot for nearly 30 years was certainly disheartening. It made me feel crazy and angry that the neurologist had no ideas. Then she treated me like a semi-criminal for asking for Vicodin. That made me angry and self-conscious. More recently, being told that the epidural injections help about two-thirds of people “lower” their pain, many not permanently, was also pretty depressing and discouraging.

Today I went out for another 45 minute walk around my neighborhood. Still lots of leg pain and lot of stopping, but I had some stretches in which the pain was mild and I stopped giving myself grief if I need to stop. I did some journaling before I went out and played some sad music. It triggered some old, painful memories for me and for five minutes or so I saw weeping on someone's low stone wall. Felt good to really cry for a while, a release. I hope to do more walking and emoting tomorrow.

 

[If 6 was 9]

Hi TheNewYorker, it sounds like you're making some positive strides, pardon the pun. I'm still trying to get to releasing emotion but not so successful at it....so I'm quite envious you've been able to do it and you're at Day 4!

I've recently gotten a numb foot. When I say recent, I mean at the end of last year. I asked my doctor about it and she didn't think it was important, only whether it started to move or not. Ie. Come back to me if it moves up your leg. Then I've since spoken to a few people and learned that they too have numbness. Maybe it's one of those things that doctors don't have the slightest clue about because it's so subjective, and I bet if it's examined or imaged, it comes back all looking normal.

Which makes me wonder whether it's another symptom of TMS. Or maybe it's a function of getting older, although I note you say you've had it for 30 years....

It's good that you're not giving yourself grief if you need to stop. Just in case you haven't seen it yet, there's a reading about Outcome Independence - meaning improving your TMS without expecting it to be one long journey of success after success. That's probably not expressed so well, but the article I found very useful. Here it is.