Terrified of physical movement

[elenimia]

I have been lurking this forum for several weeks,

My mother is in a very bad place. She has been on the floor for 9 months in excruciating 10/10 pain every day. She is unable to get up on her own and requires someone to lift her up about 20 times a day. She of course has been to many doctors who have recommended spinal fusion ect. I have read Dr Sarno and Dr schubiners books and am confident the diagnosis is TMS. She has had much trauma in her life including sexual abuse as a child.

She seems to also believe in her diagnosis but not fully. She has tried to increase her physical activity (nothing crazy just sitting up more) and then suffers excruciating pain the next day. She feels she has "done to much, and hurt herself" In my heart I believe the syndrome will not let go of its grips unless she loses the fear and starts moving. She is absolutely obsessed with her pain and is suicidal.
Is it possible that she is hurting herself by movement or is just a classic movement phobia of tms? Should i encourage her to work through the pain by increasing movment? ( I am not talking running here, just getting up on her own ect).

My family is in a very low place. I would appreciate any help from those of you who have experienced this disorder.

Thank you

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

You've taken the first steps to help your mother
You said that you've read the books
Did you read them to your mom?

See she has to work out the repressions
that would be the first line of defense for her
movement is going to keep hurting till she gets
some of that built up trauma out of her body.

She probably cant move her hands well?
Let me know and I will guide you so you can
help your mother start to get better.

She has to want this and I know she does I hope, right?
It isn't overnight but it does work and its the cure.
Tag me back ok and tell me some more.
Can you be the ear for her, can she write.
Does she understand she can heal?

God Bless

 

[elenimia]

First of all, Thank you so much for the kind words and response, I am sitting here with my mom and she can not begin to express her appreciation for your concern as we don't know anyone who knows of or even believes in TMS.

I will fill you in a little more on our situation. Right now my mom is listening to the audio book "healing back pain" and we are going through dr Schubiner's online course. In this course she has been writing 25 minutes a day for the last week. She has been writing about current stressors, past traumas and personality traits that may be contributing to her disorder. Physically she is very bad, pain all the time, never off the floor except to use the bathroom. She does believe she has TMS however she has not seen any improvement in her pain. I am very glad to know that you think she needs to work on some of the built up trauma that is in her body before she can start moving without hurting. How should we do this? She is willing to do anything, she is incredibly desperate. She is able to write. Also I can help her with therapy like sessions but we live in a small town and there are no psychotherapists.

The biggest issue she feels that is keeping her from feeling tension is that her primary caretaker her husband is incredibly annoying to her. He was emotionally abusive to her in the past but is not anymore, however she experiences a lot of rage on a daily basis because his personality triggers a lot of built up anger.

Again, thank you so much, any insight you have on how she can start to get some of this trauma out of her would be so helpful.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

elenimia)- First of all, Thank you so much for the kind words and response, I am sitting here with my mom and she can not begin to express her appreciation for your concern as we don't know anyone who knows of or even believes in TMS.

Eric)- OK im going to be talking as if I was talking directly to your mother so you can read it to her.
Thank you for your kindness and gratitude, Your at a place now where lots of good people know about TMS so be strong.
The road to recovery is about persistence so be strong in your belief and keep going forth. You will win.
Tms is not a linear path. In time with your work and persistence you will start to feel less pain, then you will have a setback.
When this occurs know that it the TMS trying to fight back. This is when you stay course and persevere ok.

elenimia)- I will fill you in a little more on our situation. Right now my mom is listening to the audio book "healing back pain" and we are going through Dr Shubiners online course. In this course she has been writing 25 minutes a day for the last week. She has been writing about current stressors, past traumas and personality traits that may be contributing to her disorder.

Eric)- This is good, your mother is on the right track. Its going to take some time more than a week so she has to start believing more in the diagnosis of the tms and less on the physical. I know that's easier said than done but as she keeps journaling and learns to stop fearing the pain she will start having less pain. She's in a hard place right now with all she's been told about the physical. Read post on how not to fear and also be patient. Patience will pull you through at this time. You will have to keep with Shubiners and Sarnos programs and again stay strong. you will recover. The audio book healing back pain is awesome as the knowledge is the penicillin and Dr. Shubiner is very bright and right in his teachings, Believe them, it is truth. Don't ponder on any futuristic thoughts of gloom and think less and less on past hurts that you might be pondering while your not journaling ok. This kind of thinking will keep her "in the now"- and there in the now is the place of healing ok.


elenimia)- Physically she is very bad, pain all the time, never off the floor except to use the bathroom. She does believe she has TMS however she has not seen any improvement in her pain. I am very glad to know that you think she needs to work on some of the built up trauma that is in her body before she can start moving without hurting. How should we do this? She is willing to do anything, she is incredibly desperate. She is able to write. Also I can help her with therapy like sessions but we live in a small town and there are no psychotherapists.

Eric)- ok you are doing everything right - right now. When you can if you can afford it look to the therapist her at Tmswiki and see if you can get any to help by skype
You and your mother can do this together. You are very blessed to be helping your mother like your doing. As long as she can write about her issues as you said above she should start to have ah-ha moments in which she will feel a shift in the pain. Then this shift will work into less pain for her.
Go here for more on how to focus and gain more insight, its Alan Gordon's program and he's great at helping people heal.http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/TMS_Recovery_Program
Also learn meditations for calming ok, it will help tons- http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/video-if-you-need-help-with-meditation.2391/
http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/How_do_I_Meditate
These should be helpful ok- and after 5 days , take a break and start back on the 7th day ok.

elenimia)- The biggest issue she feels that is keeping her from feeling tension is that her primary caretaker her husband is incredibly annoying to her. He was emotionally abusive to her in the past but is not anymore, however she experiences a lot of rage on a daily basis because his personality triggers a lot of built up anger.

Eric)- This is where Alan Gordon's program and the daily meditations as mentioned above will be of great value ok- now give a sigh of relief and tell your mother I said hello, she's loved by many and she needs to start right now loving herself- she's got a lot to live for and now she's found her place for healing. Being kind to own self is going to be a very special gift that will help her recover quicker.

elenimia)- Again, thank you so much, any insight you have on how she can start to get some of this trauma out of her would be so helpful.

Eric)- Do the above protocols mixed with the sarno tapes you already have, she will be much better in time to come- be patient and love herself on purpose
Your a blessing to her and I know you love her, be very patient with her and you learn from all the teachings too- it will be beneficial to you both
God bless you- PS , fully believe , it will come to pass

 

[elenimia]

Eric,

I cannot thank you enough for this. I just cried my eyes out when I read it. I think my mom had really hit rock bottom, and I just prayed to god for some insight or anything that would make her see that there is hope. We both feel like you are an angel that came through the internet. I feel like we could have looked all over the world and not found someone who went through what my mom went through and the fact that you recovered is truly inspiring and gives us hope. I really appreciate your advice, It is very apparent that you are coming from a place of truth and experience. I especially liked how you said to only deal with the past stuff when she is journaling as opposed to constantly thinking about it. This kind of thinking will keep her "in the now"- and there in the now is the place of healing ok. I love this, it is absolute truth .

from my mom, " It is incredibly heartening to have someone who has gone through the same thing, help me understand what is going on, thank you so very much, I hope we can stay in touch. I know I have tms so now I am ready to do the work".

 

[cirrusnarea]

Hi elenimmia,

Dr. Sarno's book The Mindbody Prescription has an account of a woman who was sexually abused and once she let all of that out of her system she was cured almost immediately. As Eric says, there are TMS therapists who could do phone counseling with your mom if you can afford it. If not, it may not be necessary, as you know Sarno says that only 5% of his patients require this. The way it sounds, it's a floodgate that will come pouring out with little effort needed. I would slowly and cautiously try to get your mom to talk about the past traumas, but if you have Dr. Schubiner's workbook, then he will pretty much lead you on the right path. Healing Back Pain is probably the perfect book to be working on with your mom right now, it's really amazing. Also, there is a free program on here that you may try too. Have you read Baseball65's success story.

http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/My_Victory_Over_Pain,_by_Baseball65

I love that one because I figure if he can overcome back pain, anybody can!

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Eric,

I cannot thank you enough for this. I just cried my eyes out when I read it. I think my mom had really hit rock bottom, and I just prayed to god for some insight or anything that would make her see that there is hope. We both feel like you are an angel that came through the internet. I feel like we could have looked all over the world and not found someone who went through what my mom went through and the fact that you recovered is truly inspiring and gives us hope. I really appreciate your advice, It is very apparent that you are coming from a place of truth and experience. I especially liked how you said to only deal with the past stuff when she is journaling as opposed to constantly thinking about it. This kind of thinking will keep her "in the now"- and there in the now is the place of healing ok. I love this, it is absolute truth .

from my mom, " It is incredibly heartening to have someone who has gone through the same thing, help me understand what is going on, thank you so very much, I hope we can stay in touch. I know I have tms so now I am ready to do the work".

Thank you so much for the kind words, your special to me too. It is true as you said it above, Quote elenimia-( I especially liked how you said to only deal with the past stuff when she is journaling as opposed to constantly thinking about it. This kind of thinking will keep her "in the now"- and there in the now is the place of healing ok. I love this, it is absolute truth) - this way as you mentioned she can heal.

You and your Mom sound very strong and you believe, that's half the battle right there- the other is the work as we know- see we build tension stress and strain over the years by just living life in General- then there comes a time when all this tension builds and overflows as pain in our body- it can start at any age and tms doesn't discriminate so its nothing you or your mom have done to deserve this ok. All tms means is that you've held a lot back, you love a lot and you'd do anything for anyone, you don't like disappointing folks and you try with all your heart to get things done right, now that doesn't mean your in the wrong, right. We just go and hold all this tension in cause we have Goodist personalities, We don't want to let anyone down and that's our blessing.

Now learn that its ok to stumble and still heal. See for years now we have been afraid of what "they" might think if we stumble, well we don't have to hold those thoughts in any longer- Be happy your who you are, faults and all, love yourself no matter what.

Hold strong to the teachings and practice daily and remember to take some "me" time off to reflect on your life and love life on purpose. Put a smile on your face on purpose and now know you have this in the bag. Start imaging often with your mom that this is already complete and tell her even at this point to start to see herself fully healed in her heart and thoughts ok-

If you wish , if theres any points that make you and your mom ponder write me and ill answer them so you can understand ok-
You and your mom are strong, so now stay there and this journey will be the best journey of your life.

God Bless- Yes he did....

 

[Forest]

Don't ponder on any futuristic thoughts of gloom and think less and less on past hurts that you might be pondering while your not journaling ok. This kind of thinking will keep her "in the now"- and there in the now is the place of healing ok.

This is great advice from Eric. When we ruminate over our past or something coming up in the future we are preventing ourselves from allowing our emotions. Being in chronic pain can be a very disheartening experience. All at the point where we couldn't take it anymore. The good part is that regardless of what your level of pain is, you can fully recover by doing this approach.

When we first learn about TMS we are all very susceptible to doubts. Our unconscious will try to use any little change of our symptoms to prevent us from allowing our emotions to be present. This is one reason why Dr. Sarno recommended returning to physical activity once our symptoms begin to subside. The reason being that if we push ourselves too much too soon, we may become discouraged by any increase in our symptoms. Success with this approach comes down to two things: believing that your symptoms are benign and our caused by repressed emotions. As time goes by and your confidence in this approach increases, so to does your believe that your symptoms are, in fact, benign. There are a lot of ways to develop this confidence. The way I did it was to read success stories written by people who have recovered. I highly recommend reading Peg's story. It sounds like there are a lot of parallels with your mother's situation. Read through the other success stories on this forum and on the wiki. The more knowledge you gain, the more progress you will make.

 

[elenimia]

Cirrusnarea,

Thank you very much for your response. I went ahead and ordered that book the mindbody prescription. Great story, I am going to read that story to my mom today. We just started doing some work on her sexual abuse which started very young by her father. We are just doing the ISTDP model and she is writing. The interesting thing is she says that she doesn't feel that angry about it. She seems far more angry at events that happened later in her adult life which by comparison (to me) seem really trivial. Its almost like the anger is displaced? Or just really suppressed? I think we should also look into a therapist. Thank you so much for your response and the link. I know it is aiding my mom's recovery just to know people care enough to write back.

 

[elenimia]

Forest,



This kind of thinking will keep her "in the now"- and there in the now is the place of healing ok.
Yes there is great spiritual truth to this quote, not just for people in pain but for anyone who is suffering.

When we first learn about TMS we are all very susceptible to doubts. Our unconscious will try to use any little change of our symptoms to prevent us from allowing our emotions to be present.

That is just what I needed to hear! I was wondering why the movement was making it worse. Its not that she is structurally damaged from lying on the floor for so long, is that she is afraid and doubting which reinforces her mind to produce pain?

This is one reason why Dr. Sarno recommended returning to physical activity once our symptoms begin to subside. Ok so she should just do the writing, meditation, ISTDP ect and stick with her normal routine? (Just getting lifted up to go to the bathroom). It does seem like she is getting more confidence to move because she realizes her pain is benign. If she wants to be more active should she? Or do you think she should wait until she sees a marked reduction in her pain (which is constant right now).

I will your post and Peg's story to my mom thank you. She is really heartened to know that there are people out there who have been through this and are supporting her. She has had a very long life with chronic pain including RSD that resulted in an amputation of one of her legs (didn't fix the pain obviously), eating disorders, IBS, Chronic fatigue syndrome, Interstitial cystitis ect. I have always had the lingering feeling that these had to be connected in some way.

Yesterday she said to me that maybe this back pain was a blessing (quite a change in her thinking from a few days ago!) because it is forcing her to deal with stuff she should have a long time ago, I think so to.

Thank you so much for your response

 

[elenimia]

Eric,

Hold strong to the teachings and practice daily and remember to take some "me" time off to reflect on your life and love life on purpose. Put a smile on your face on purpose and now know you have this in the bag. Start imaging often with your mom that this is already complete and tell her even at this point to start to see herself fully healed in her heart and thoughts ok-
Your confidence is our torch in this darkness! It is exactly what she needed, someone who has been through it and is standing on the other side. I absolutely will write you when we have more questions and when good things start to happen!

 

[BruceMC]

She has tried to increase her physical activity (nothing crazy just sitting up more) and then suffers excruciating pain the next day. She feels she has 'done to much, and hurt herself' In my heart I believe the syndrome will not let go of its grips unless she loses the fear and starts moving.

Elenimia, you've got to realize your mother is just at the beginning of the TMS recovery process, and this 'doing too much and hurting yourself' sequence is very typical of how it starts out. At first two years ago, if I went out and walked a gentle mile, I'd hurt for at least three hours afterwards and still feel the sciatic pain in my left leg a day later. Only today I go up to Tioga Pass in Yosemite and hike up an 11,000 ft peak and then hurt the next day. But it's a really big difference between hurting after a gentle mile and hurting after a 3000 ft uphill push off trail. So, I'd say returning to full physical activity is, as Dr Sarno mentions, perhaps the most difficult part of getting over TMS. My advice to your mother? Keep pushing and expanding her personal envelop of pain-free physical activity. With each new level of physical activity, I notice that there are actually 'breaks' in my pain afterwards that can go on for a couple of days, a couple of days where I can do anything physical that I want without any pain whatsoever. Something like a reward for challenging your self-imposed limitations. And the more of these privileged moments I have, the better my TMS becomes. Sure, there'll be setbacks, but if you keep moving forward, finally you won't back slide as far.

BruceMC

 

[elenimia]

BruceMC,
Congratulations on tioga pass! That is no small feet! With each new level of physical activity, I notice that there are actually 'breaks' in my pain afterwards that can go on for a couple of days, a couple of days where I can do anything physical that I want without any pain whatsoever. Something like a reward for challenging your self-imposed limitations.That is great news. She feels confident that she can do more so I think she should go for it. I am glad that you mentioned it is the hardest part. The way dr sarno mentions it (resume physical activity immediately) kind of makes it sound like you should just push through the pain and do it. We are both so excited for her to get better but of course it doesn't all happen immediately.
And the more of these privileged moments I have, the better my TMS becomes. Sure, there'll be setbacks, but if you keep moving forward, finally you won't back slide as far.
Thank you this is such comforting news. Day by day. I love your story, very well written and inspirational (and your picture by the way, is that Yosemite?)
Thank you so much for responding

 

[BruceMC]

Hi Elenimia: Yes, that is Yosemite, up near Tioga Pass, at the base of Mt Dana (13,061) where the mountain is reflected in a small pond. I took it with a Nikkor 10-24mm F1/3.5-4.5 lens that I bought myself as a b-day present and also to give me some external reward to motivate me on my 5-day trip up to the Yosemite high country. I think the concept of a reward is very useful in shifting your focus away from the pain symptoms and onto something positive. Sort of a mental jujitsu to aid in healing from TMS. After 5-days of nearly non-stop physical activity on my mini-vacation, sure I hurt like heck yesterday when I first got back to the Bay Area. But to remind myself that the pain was psychological, rather than due to something structural or tissue-related, I went down last night and did leg presses on the machines at the gym. And, guess what? When I walked back to the car, my pain had entirely disappeared. Noticing these kind of things makes you realize how much TMS is an emotional, instead of a physical disorder. These are the kinds of insights that you need to get a distance on your symptoms and begin to work on changing the repressed emotions that are driving your TMS. Best wishes to you and your mother on her road to recovery.

What's especially interesting about this Mt Dana picture is that when I took it, I'd just finished a 5-mile round trip hike up Gaylor Peak (11,300) during which I could feel my TMS every step I took. However, when I stopped at Dana Pond to take that picture, I became completely pain-free and flexible while I was absorbed in the creative process of taking a sequence of pictures of the mountain. This is a perfect illustration of how a pleasurable activity can distract you from TMS pain. It's just one more bit of evidence that confirms that TMS is a psychological and emotional disorder, not something caused by physical anomalies in your spine, wrist, shoulder etc. etc. etc. The more of these kinds of rewards you achieve the more you'll openly challenge the grip TMS has over you.

BruceMC

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Elenima, you're getting wonderful advice from Herbie and Forest and the others. I just would like to add that I'm also with you and your mom and will say that she is going to heal, following the advice of others who are replying to you.

It's really an exciting, wonderful journey toward healing. I'm actually glad I got back pain a year ago
because it has led me to learn much more about myself and my past repressed emotions that have led me to healing.

I do suggest, as Dr. Sarno says in Healing Back Pain, that you don't spend a real lot of your time on techniques for healing or
reasons why you have pain from repressed emotions from the past. Thinking too much each day on that can make it hard
to get to sleep or return to sleep if you wake up.

I turn off the tv and computer at least an hour before I go to bed at about ten pm. I close my eyes and meditate,
listening to calming classical or nature relaxation music. I try to think of being in a peaceful place like a sunny beach
and breathe deeply and relax, telling myself affirmation mantras like "I am at peace. I feel calm. God loves me.
God is with me, taking care of me."

You might also look at the forum called CAREGIVING AND TMS PAIN. It's about how caregivers can help others and
tune in to them and help them better without it causing them pain.

It looks to me (I'm not a doctor) that your mom has a lot of repressed rage from her girlhood abuse and it sounds like
a not-too-helpful husband. Maybe he also needs to know about TMS and his own repressed emotions.

Good luck to you both. We're all here for you.

Walt

 

[tarala]

Hi elenimia, you have gotten great advice for your mother here. People who have been through it and come out the other side really are bright torches in the darkness. I would just like to add, don't forget yourself! You are obviously loving, caring and dedicated, but it has been my own experience that sometimes focusing too much on another's problem is a marvelous way of avoiding my own. This must be a very scary, frustrating, and maybe even anger producing time for you too. If it were me, I might try doing the exercises for myself alongside my mother. Good luck, we all support and appreciate you.

 

[PeterO]

Elenimia.

Glad that you & your Mom have found this wonderful site.

I too, have much fear around physical use & keep
returning to long held pain symptoms after activity.
And each time I look elsewhere for possible cause
outside of my emotional/psychological self only to
return to a TMS diagnosis. Slowly, I am beginning to
get the message. It is a long held internalised thought
& behaviour patterns to overcome. Fortunately I am having
Skype sessions with TMS psychologist Dr James Alexander
here in Australia. These have been invaluable & recommend
this for your Mom if possible.

Please tell your Mom that I acknowledge her pain & now
her journey. Understand that TMS is a expedition of oneself
& opportunity to a more open & authentic way of being.

We all look forward to support you both.

Pete

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

PeterO. It's great that you're getting Skype sessions with
Dr. Alexander.

You might like to read the general discussion forum I began
on Caregiving and TMS Pain, with excerpts from a friend's mother's book
called IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME. Your mother would
probably like it since it is written from the perspective of an
elderly woman.