1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this link: http://go.tmswiki.org/newprogram
    Dismiss Notice

Day 32 Terrible mistake I made

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Raj s, Sep 26, 2014.

  1. Raj s

    Raj s Peer Supporter

    Some important things my parents didnt tell me and after doing that they informed me.. I got really angry at this and scolded them.. I was very angry and told some angry words to my father like they are using me and my money and they really dont care about me .. He got really upset and he was really sad that I told those words. I was crying when i was scolding my parents.. After that incident my father was really broken, I havent seen my father like that before.. It all happend in phone. Till now I regret for speaking like that to my parents.. I should have understood it is ok for them to take all decisions they want to take and they should nt get my approval or inform me.. Eventhough i showed my anger, there is another feeling now popping up saying i should not have spoken like that.. What is painful now is that I know they have struggled a lot to raise me, I know the pain they went through when i was a child.. Seriously i shouldnt have said like that to my parents..
     
  2. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    I know what you mean. I spoke angrily at my mother once and still feel guilty. I think she forgot it, but I haven't.

    If your parents are still living, maybe try to make peace with them about it. If you can't bring yourself to phoning,
    write a short letter taking blame for it. If they are deceased, pray to them to forgive you, then forgive yourself.

    We all say things in anger at times. It's part of nature. If nothing else, just pray for peace for them and for you.
     
    Raj s, Tennis Tom and JanAtheCPA like this.
  3. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    I agree with Walt. This is just part of human nature and it certainly illustrates how difficult it is for us humans to communicate! Your parents have done the same thing in their lives, I'm sure you can think of times they hurt you. Including this incident when they didn't think to tell you something they should have told you about, which means they also have some accountability and perhaps some guilt in this matter, which then results in your father being defensive. And around and around we go...

    Apologizing seems hard, but it can also be very liberating.

    Above all, the most important thing you must do is forgive YOURSELF!

    ~Jan
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2014
    Raj s likes this.
  4. Peggy

    Peggy Well known member

    As a mother, I allow my kids to get angry at me. They have often said they hated me, but my attitude has always been that they may hate me for a while, but they really love me deep down. Since it happens often, it is not a shock when it does happen. I also get mad at them and tell them so. Sometimes we apologize, sometimes we don't, but life goes on. There is a lot of flux in human emotions in my house. So I agree with Jan, that your parents do have some responsibility for not having open communication, you don't have to feel bad and completely responsible for the incident. And at the same time there is nothing wrong with apologizing, it might open things up and make it easier to talk to them in the future.

    Sometimes the kids teach the parents.
     
    JanAtheCPA and Raj s like this.
  5. Forest

    Forest Beloved Grand Eagle

    Great advice, everyone. I totally understand how it can feel to feel like you've made a huge mistake, Raj. For me, I tend to get a sinking feeling in my chest.

    You sound like a good person, Raj, who cares about his parents and wants to honor them. When you scolded them it was because you had very strong feelings and were swept up in the moment. You may have forgotten who you were and that's fine, because everyone makes mistakes. I wonder if your parents feel like they made a mistake, too, and everybody needs forgiveness.

    Either way, congratulations on having the courage to put it out there. You don't necessarily need to put it out again and again, but to get it out there until you've had a chance to process it is a good thing.
     
    Raj s likes this.
  6. Raj s

    Raj s Peer Supporter

    Thank you all for the advice.. I cant apologize to them now since it happened long time ago and if I apologize now they might worry about why I am thinking about it right now. At this point of time after thinking about it and looking deeply into the reasons why they didnt tell me, it is logical and found that they are right in not telling me and they were in a difficult state to tell me.. But at that time I didnt think about it and only anger prevailed.
     
  7. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Good insight, Raj!
     
    Raj s likes this.
  8. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Raj, then let sleeping dogs lie. Let them sleep. Put that part of the past behind you.
    Love and forgive. Two of the best things in life for healing and being happy.
     
    Raj s likes this.
  9. Peggy

    Peggy Well known member

    You could write an letter expressing your feelings and not send it. That can clear the air pretty good and you will feel better.
     
    Raj s likes this.
  10. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Ray, that's a good suggestion from Peggy. Write the letter and don't send it.
     

Share This Page