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Day 16 Telling people about TMS

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by sarah2254, Apr 29, 2020.

  1. sarah2254

    sarah2254 Peer Supporter

    So recently I have been trying to get into the habit of telling people about TMS, starting off with family members as I feel they are most receptive to the concept. My hope in telling people about TMS is that it will help strengthen my own belief in it. I like to practice explaining the diagnosis so that it also enhances my understanding of it.

    What's ironic is that before I learned about what TMS was, my dad was the first to suggest that my pain could be psychological. We were at a specialist appointment and I had him join me for moral support. I explained my medical history to the doctor and he was puzzled. At the end of the appointment, I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible but the doctor asked if we had any questions. When my dad asked him if there could perhaps be a psychological component to my pain, I got really upset with him. I told him afterwards that I felt he had minimized my pain in front of the doctor and I was afraid people were thinking I was fabricating the pain.

    Months later, after exhausting all of my treatment options, I finally starting doing research on TMS. Now, I strongly believe I have it and that I will reverse my pain. It is amazing how much my pain has reduced just by telling myself there is nothing structurally wrong with me.

    A few days ago, I told my dad that he was right after all. I explained to him that according to TMS, there are real physical processes that explain my pain (i.e., mild oxygen deprivation), but that it is psychologically-induced. This gives me so much hope and has forced me to start thinking more positively in all areas of my life.

    I strongly believe overcoming TMS will give me confidence in the future to overcome other difficult obstacles. At the moment, I haven't really told too many friends or coworkers, because I don't think many people are going to believe me. I think people are too attached to Western medicine and focusing on the physical. I refrain from telling too many people because I feel they'll think I'm just crazy.

    As long as I strongly believe in TMS, then I'll be okay! Learning about it will change my life for the better once I fully heal and I am already making progress. I am going to continue working on TMS exercises and be hopeful.

    Best of luck in your recovery everyone.

  2. Ariana

    Ariana New Member

    Hi Sarah. Thanks for sharing your experience with this. I can very much relate - I think that we all have to come to the understanding of TMS/MBS in our own time, as when others try to suggest it as the cause for our (very real) symptoms, it just feels offensive! And I too feel cautious when explaining it to people, as I don't want them to simply think 'it's all in your head'. Like you say, as long as we believe it, we have hope for recovery. And any friends or family who also believe it, is a bonus. Lots of luck to you going forward.

    sarah2254 likes this.
  3. sarah2254

    sarah2254 Peer Supporter

    Thanks Ariana!! You too! Hope you are staying safe and get the chance to engage in some sort of self-care activity today :)
  4. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi sarah and Ariana,

    I was thinking about why we want to tell people, and I think that it is related to our own need to support our growing confidence with excitement and reassurance. It is as if the impulse to share is an outward directing of a very important inner impulse in this TMS process.

    Many have shared here over the years their desire to share with others, and I am one of those. But your words today made me think about this a little more deeply. I wonder who needs to be convinced. I think in my own urge to tell others at times, it comes from a need to be confirmed, and I have felt it as a less strong impulse over the years.

    It may be self-confirmation is of the deepest importance when we feel the need for others to know. If this is true, how can we take this impulse and let it fuel our own process?

    daniebama and Mame like this.
  5. sarah2254

    sarah2254 Peer Supporter

    Hi Andy,

    What a thought-provoking response! I would definitely agree with you there. I do hold the belief that the more I tell others about it, the stronger my confidence in TMS will become. I probably wouldn't tell any new coworkers or anything like that - only people who I know will not judge me. I also think it's kind of cool to keep my own little secret and fight my own discrete battle that few people know about. For some reason, this makes me feel empowered. I think that as a "goodist" or people-pleaser, I often seek approval from others and I just need to stop doing that. So while I will continue to tell people I trust about my TMS, I am going to try to get in the habit of focusing on self-approval! Have a great day :)
    Mame likes this.
  6. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Thanks sarah! You too!
  7. Mame

    Mame Newcomer

    I love the term self-approval! It really helped me, because I am also a people-pleaser and so often concerned about what people think. In my last session with my therapist I talked about always wanted to please my father and how a quote from "Two Weeks Notice" resonated with me. Sandra Bullock is talking about her mother, but for me it applies to my dad. She says " But for better or worse, she's the voice in my head pushing me to do better." And, my therapist said, "Some day soon it will be your voice." I heard her, but I couldn't see it until I read your post and you gave me the idea/actual words to implement what my therapist recommended. Thank you!
    sarah2254 likes this.
  8. ssxl4000

    ssxl4000 Well known member

    I think your on to something Andy, but I see a different factor at play, at least for myself. For me, a lot of my issues were wrapped up in a fear of being a failure. I deal with a nagging feeling that I have not yet validated my life enough by doing something important or beneficial to others. So, when TMS came along, I too started feeling that urge to tell people who I think may be suffering from it. I don't think I do it for confirmation, I'm very much an introvert and the only person whose opinion I care about is my wife's. For me, I think it's more of a perfectionist trait in that I'm trying to help others in order to deal with my own insecurities about being "good enough." Knowing about TMS and having the recovery I did makes me feel special, and the idea that I could help others with my experience makes me feel like I can be important, and finally put to rest my fear of not being good enough.

    Whatever the logic, I agree the urge to share the wisdom comes from a subconscious desire to make ourselves feel better in one way or another. Anyway, thanks for the great posting everybody!
    daniebama likes this.
  9. ssxl4000

    ssxl4000 Well known member

    Hi Mame, beware the Tofu sponge cake! And save the community center! That's such a great movie...
    Mame likes this.
  10. Andy Bayliss

    Andy Bayliss TMS Coach & Beloved Grand Eagle

    Thank you for this response. I think this is also important for me. To have succeeded, to be recognized for this, to be "special." It is the personality antidote to feelings of deficiency! Yes. I'll take it!!!;)
  11. sarah2254

    sarah2254 Peer Supporter

    I am so happy you are feeling inspired to implement what your therapist has recommended! Wow, our stories are very similar. My people pleasing started with my dad as well. I think my "self-critical" thoughts are not mine after all, but rather his voice in my head (like you say). Now, when I am overly harsh on myself I try to remind myself that this is just what I've learned from my dad and he is not an angel himself. I was raised in an environment where expressing my opinions resulted in a negative response, ranging from yelling to outright shaming. I just don't care to please him to the same extent I did growing up anymore after I've realized that his standards are simply too high and unrealistic. The silver lining in having TMS is that it's really forced me to reflect on my self-destructive personality traits and adjust my life accordingly. I hope you continue on this journey of self love and healing. Take care!
  12. wrestlingfanforever

    wrestlingfanforever New Member

    Reading this post has totally inspired me. I know how it feels to worry about if telling someone about TMS will make them question you- and then question yourself. However, I hear you and believe in this WITH you. :) Thanks for sharing your feelings.

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