Day 16 Telling people about TMS and progress in general

I've explained to several friends my new approach to what I now recognise as TMS (but was diagnosed as fibromyalgia) although I haven't used the term TMS. It makes more sense to talk about a mindbody condition when I'm explaining it. I don't always explain it in full, but I try to put it in terms the person will understand. I've been pleasantly surprised. Everyone I've explained it to has had a positive reaction. My very close friends are extremely enthusiastic. There's one close friend who's had CFS/ME for many years, and I'm not sure what her reaction will be yet.

I've finished The Divided Mind and currently reading The Great Pain Deception. I was absolutely delighted to read a discussion of some of Jung's ideas in the latter! I've long felt a strong connection with Jung's ideas (I went through a Jungian-oriented therapy years ago) and I kept wondering while reading The Divided Mind 'But why doesn't he mention Jung? His concepts would fit right in here!' (In fact, Dr Sarno virtually describes using a Jungian technique called active imagination but without calling it that.)

I've been terrified of walking - almost any incidental day-to-day walking - for just short of two years now, and some of that fear, just a bit of it, is starting to melt. I'm very gradually allowing myself to restrict my walking a little less. That seems like an odd way to put it, but it's exactly right. I'm feeling a little less scared. I was on a downward spiral before I started the program - I was doing less and less walking every day, feeling that I had to stop on the way to anywhere, even somewhere close, to have a rest, limiting how often and long I walked, because I get pain and fatigue some time after any walking (I'm not talking about walking on a treadmill - I'm talking about just casual walking around in the course of daily life.) I was semi-disabled because I was fearful of walking, especially at my job, which doesn't require much moving about still requires some minimal walking. I'm still holding myself back, but less. The claws of fear are ever so slightly letting go. It's a great feeling! I'm starting to unlearn the pain and illness I had learned.

Part of this followed something I now recognise as something of a breakthrough. I had done just a tiny bit more walking than usual after work (maybe only a few metres) and sure enough, later that night I had a lot more pain in my legs and the next day I woke up feeling the way I do if I've done 'too much' - tired and unwell all over, and on the verge of feeling distressed. I told myself that this was the way I've conditioned myself to feel and that if I respectfully ignore it, it will go away. I went to work and managed fine. The next morning I felt even worse and nearly took the day off work, because rest is the thing I've conditioned myself to need when I feel that way. I had been led to believe that if you have fibro, you shouldn't push it, that you should rest if you have a flare or it will get worse. That's what I believed, anyway. But I did go to work, and the feeling of illness and the pain spike faded. I had set a new precedent - 'You don't have to 'do nothing' to get over a flare, and it doesn't have to get worse if you keep going, either!'

The fear of walking is still strong so I'm only doing tiny bits more when I feel ready for it. The thing is that only small amounts of extra everyday walking (an extra trip to the printing machine at work, for instance) can bring on symptoms, and I still feel very anxious at the prospect of 'walking more'. Sometimes that fear is quite palpable - I can feel it quite viscerally. 'If I get so much more extra pain/fatigue/illness from only a little bit more walking than usual, what will happen if I do a lot?' Hopefully as I continue to learn to 'float through' pain and other symptoms, I will become more confident about doing more and more. Any suggestions or advice will be gratefully received. Thanks for listening!

 

Hi, Porpoise. I love your wiki name, because of your walking problem.
Remember, the porpoise did beat the hare!

Remember, Dr. Sarnos ays that you can't hurt yourself physically by walking more, despite any pain.

You might ask a TMS therapist about how to help with your walking:

http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/forms/ask-a-tms-therapist.1/respond

 

Hi Porpoise,

I had fibromyalgia for 20 years and migraines for 50 years, and after a year of using TMS healing techniques, I'm happy to report that I am free of both. I'm still dealing with some other TMS symptoms, so I still have work to do.

Even though it has been a few months since I was able to say I'm pain free now, I am still trying to undo the conditioning from all those years of living with chronic pain and disability. I still find myself doing an activity, and then resting for awhile, doing a little more, then resting. I know this is a habit from all those years of finding it was the only way to get things done. I suspect the fatigue that I'm still dealing with is also conditioning. I was so used to being tired all the time, that I don't know how else to move through my day. But it is a process, this TMS healing. It takes awhile to lay down new neural pathways in our brains after decades, in my case, of disability. So realize it will take some time. Tell your brain you know what it is doing and you are working on changing. Take it at your own pace and be kind to yourself in the process.

And welcome to the Forum!

 

Thank you Walt, I'll do as you suggest and ask the question there. I hadn't thought of the significance of "Porpoise' in relation to my issues, because it's a name I've long used elsewhere, but you're quite right! Perhaps I can think of myself as swimming my way around when I'm walking!

Thanks for your supportive words. They do help!

 

Thanks Ellen. I see it is a process and is not going to happen overnight. You're right, I do need to be kind to myself about it. I'm clearly seeing how I developed habits from believing there are certain ways of coping with the pain and fatigue. It gives me great hope to hear that you are pain free! Congratulations, and thank you for your support.

 

@Porpoise i too afraid of walking and standing, as i have plantar faciitis on 17. but i got better, and start to jog, run and engage in all kinds of sports from my 20. i m 25 now already. u can do it too.

 

Since your symptoms are induced by your brain and are not causing permanent damage, you can safely proceed to walk and engage in other activities in spite of them. However, you are still subject to all the normal parameters any human would encounter who has not been active and fit for a long time, like initial fatigue and soreness from not being in shape yet (be fair to yourself, how could you or anyone else be in shape after what you have been through?). An untrained non-athlete cannot go out and run for miles, they train and build up slowly. Therefore, use the same "getting started" approach that non-FM folks would use to get into shape again. There are many online sources for safe well-researched approaches for a beginner to achieve higher levels of fitness by incrementally increasing efforts and setting goals. Consider yourself to now be a "normal' person that hasn't exercised in a long time and is just starting out. It is not easy and not fast, but others have traveled this path. Be well!

 

most recent time, 2 months ago, i got a recurrence, a bad one. i blamed it on the bumpy bus, which is old, and the absorber certainly has worn out.


i got a recurrence 3 month back too, cuz i carried my laptop.

today i carried my laptop to my work place, n i got another recurrence. though i cant say its a recurrence, but i just got that weird feeling on my left leg, some beginning signs of sciatica.

 

Thanks! I appreciate your support and encouragement.
Porpoise

 

@Porpoise today i jogged 4km around a lake, and when i went back to my condominium, i continue with my work out at gym. n here i am, typing this after having my dinner. and i m intact. no pain at all. i m sure u can do it one day

 

feel free to follow my blog at mindfuladdict.tumblr.com

 

Thinbuilder, that's great. It gives all of us inspiration to keep active, no matter how we do it or at what age.

A bumpy bus ride can really hurt. I took a bus trip from Chicago to New York years ago and the last seat
available was over a rear tire. By the time I got to New York I was in terrible back pain. A friend who met
me drove me to his house where a chiropractor worked on my back for just a few minutes and I got up
feeling like a new man. No pain. That was a case of the pain being structural, not emotional, so I do
believe in chiropractors, except they seem to want us to see them all our lives, which I think is unnecessary.

 

That's fantastic, thinbuilder. Congratulations on your recovery and thank you for the encouragement!