Talked about the pain that started the cycle, with my therapist....

[Jules]

What do you know, today the pain is back full force. I was trying to process a very emotional, trumatic event, and was fine when I woke up this morning. I got dog food out for my dog, and went back in my room and went to sit on my bed, and I felt my rib pop. The muscle spasms thereafter were so painful, I could barely breathe. The pain wrapped around into my chest wall, and has stayed there. Basically, is the same costochondritis/teitze syndrome but I have had for nearly 20 years.

The same exact pain came back full throttle and hasn’t let up all day. Has anyone else experienced this in therapy? I mean I’m trying to process these traumas, but I thought the pain would lessen not worsen. I think I told myself I was not afraid the pain 50 times today, and at first tried to soothe it, then got mad at it, then broke down and had to take ibuprofen and Tylenol, along with an ice pack.

What the hell is going on with me? I’ve never had this kind of a reaction after therapy. It’s usually before therapy, and then I feel better after, but this happened after therapy. The other pains I can deal with, but this one literally makes me drop everything because it hurts so bad that I am in tears. Granted, I have not had this bad pain for probably a year. Why now? And I have an interview next Tuesday that I cannot and won’t miss. I’m not really nervous about it, so I know that’s not it.

Grrrrr.....

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Jules,
Yes, exploring the depths of memory, trauma, feelings can commonly bring up pain. It is as if the deeper material "which does not want to be felt," comes nearer the surface, the "defenses" intensify. The defenses being pain of course. In fact, although there may be no real "silver lining" here, it is helpful to recognize this correlation, and chalk it up to more evidence of a mind-body-pain connection, alive in your experience.
Andy B

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Jules, as I was reading your post, my immediate thought was "that's your fearful brain, fighting back against this new awareness". Just as Andy said. More evidence, indeed!

And let's acknowledge that our brains are experts at "tweaking" the TMS experience so that it's always a bit different: different from what you've previously experienced, or different from what others experience - the whole goal being to keep you in fear. For such a primitive mechanism, it's astonishingly flexible in that way.

 

[mm718]

I mean I’m trying to process these traumas, but I thought the pain would lessen not worsen.

Jules-

I am new to the TMS scene but I can tell you that I've been trying to release some very old emotions for the past week. They tend to come up when I am doing two yoga poses. Since these emotions have been surfacing my feet have been cramping during these particular yoga poses and I've been having intense free-floating anxiety including a panic attack (very unusual for me). My unconscious seems to be both trying to prevent the yoga poses that elicit the emotions and produce new distractions (anxiety) to distract me.

Looks like we have to feel worse before we feel better. I hope the posts in this thread help you feel somewhat better and that your therapist can help you put things in perspective.

 

[Lainey]

Hi Jules
I am not surprised at the reaction your brain instigated. Maybe this particular therapy session actually touched on something that tweeted open a door to understanding. TaDa, now the mind needs to make certain you do not explore this so lets give Jules a pain to prove this therapy is not going to help. I also think that this may be the same scenario with mm719 and hit yoga poses.

For me, I spent a couple of months reading some of the recommended books on this site by Sarno, etc. Then, early this past year I was spending time reading the Great Pain Deception by Ovanich. I took notes, underlined items, etc. I thought it really spelled out, for me, the way my body was reacting to past traumas, events, etc. Well, about a month into reading the book, my sister (who was with me at the time I was reading this book) asked me what I was reading, what is it about, and was very interested overall. As I began to talk to her about the book and TMS I started to have abnormal breathing and my airways began closing down. TADA! My brain was saying do not go there, you will get worse. I sensed what was happening and had my husband just sit with me and talk me down from the abnormal breathing. Just a few months before this happened I had an emergency visit to a hospital due to the same breathing issue. Had to be brought to normal breathing with epinephrine and other drugs. Very scary. Had never happened before. Docs said it was highly unusual for someone as old as I. So, in my opinion, to begin voicing our thoughts about TMS and past traumas, and current debilitating issues can and probably often does lead to an increase in TMS symptoms. I have spent some time since purposely talking about this book, and TMS in general to train my brain to understand that I am in charge and it cannot continue debilitating me, even if it is doing so to 'protect' me from my past traumas. Over time the breathing issue stopped and I finally appear to have some control over how my body reacts vis a vis this type of discussion.

Lainey