Takes me back, but I’ve madr incredible progress

Yes, that was me.

Is this metaphorical rather than literal—a way of expressing that deeper childhood need to feel truly heard and considered?

If it were me, I'd consider explaining to them that just because you're not always reacting in the way you used to doesn't mean you're not still finding noise unpleasant/stressful. You could also reassure them that when things consistently improve, you'll let them know, so they won't need to keep restricting their behaviour any longer than necessary during your recovery.

That said though, you'd also need to be mindful of needing to move away from the continued side benefit/'secondary gain' that the attention and consideration may be giving your TMSing brain.

I know from experience that it can be quite difficult to "tiptoe" around and keep noise to a minimum. My husband, for example, is a very light sleeper—we joke that he's like a big-eared desert fox—those ears catching the tiniest sound during the late evening, night and early morning. He often wakes up and struggles to get back to sleep. (The irony is he needs to wear hearing aids during the day and often doesn't catch what I'm saying!) I'm more of a 'night owl', while he's a 'morning lark', so I avoid certain tasks and quietly move around the house to keep noise to a minimum so that he can get as much sleep as possible.

I'm not saying any of this about the possible effects on your family to make you feel bad or guilty—far from it because I have found that it's not necessarily that arduous to be considerate and adapt to others' needs in respect of noise. It's just that when I opened up to my husband about my unpredictable symptoms (able to do certain chores or movements one day but not the next, which made no conventional sense but clicked perfectly in mind-body/TMS terms), the explanation actually made things easier for both of us. We agreed he'd handle specific tasks until I said I could take them back or help with them, and otherwise I would just ask for help as needed—that understanding lifted so much weight.

Trying not to react at all can actually build tension, kind of like suppressing a sneeze. I don't know whether others would agree with me, but imo what helps more is allowing the reaction—e.g. the flinch (I couldn't help but flinch when my back was painfully spasming) but carrying on regardless if possible as best you can—the sound registers but maybe doesn't necessarily get to stop you doing what you're doing at the time.

Being careful not to impose by holding back on what you'd like to do (like sharing photos) actually stops you from being your true self. Life already forces us to "play the game" and mask ourselves so much—what a shame to do that here too, where authenticity connects people.

As you know, I'm a Brit, and Brits are absolute masters at polite filler: "I'd love to see your photos!" or "We must catch up!" when they often don't mean it. But the fix is simple—if you want to share, just share them. If the response is meh or nonexistent, don't take it personally.

There are people who genuinely enjoy looking at others' photos (I'm one of them!). By not doing what you want, you miss connecting with those kindred spirits you actually gel with. Suppressing your true self directly fuels mind-body/TMS by creating chronic internal rage, perfectionism, and emotional repression. But then you already know all of this...

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." — Chinese Proverb

I think Jan is spot on about philosophy, psychology, and sociology could be your niche. Something perhpas you'd be interested in getting more into or even studying at home possibly as part of you 'getting on with life, despite the symptoms'—that is, as long as it wouldn't be or become a pressure.

 

I have always yearned for something more substantial. I wanted to do 2 or 3 bachelors at the same time. Definitely law and then planology. Planology (im not sure if yall even have this) is like city planning like public transit and roads just to make infrastructure not suck. It was something as simple as a bus stop or whatever and the thinking that went into it and i loved reading about it. It also contained social geography. Its something that does reflect on human tendencies. Then i would like to study a language, Russian or spanish. Maybe ill do just two at the same time and move into a job after and do another study on the side. No pressure obviously and i first need to get substantially better but theres a lot of things that i would like to learn more about. If i dont have kids by 26 or so i could probably just study for a bit longer. I’m not in a rush to do anything. If (or when lol that was bloodmoon or cactus) ever get better i just want to enjoy life and live in the moment and follow my dreams.

I’m so elated that i have so many passions. I dont have to look for things I enjoy. I merely have to allow myself to actually enjoy these things instead of pressuring myself into whatever.

I could talk about planology for ages. I find it hard to explain the principles in english but i knew i loved it the moment i heard about it.

 

Come here and work in the states, we can use some guidance from the Dutch about bike lanes.

 

I’d say its both. I shouldnt have been marinating in someone elses shit all the time.

True! I have done that but this is my life and im very aware of whatever i say but i dont think they remember it. I brought it up a couple of times but my parents dont tend to hold onto my statements for very long lol.

I agree. Sometimes i do flinch and i know its not just the sound because those same sounds dont make me flinch when i know theyre coming. I acknowledge the sounds myself but i also yearn for acknowledgement from others even though it may not be helpful in the long term.

I usually have an inner monologue like ‘ok that startled me but we good.’ And then ill feel the fear or stress or whatever and move on, or so i try.

Yeah i love keeping in touch with people. To have someone be on a journey and think of ME to send ME pictures and tell me how theyre doing i feel so honored. I just didnt wanna come off as self indulgent and bother people with my own whatever. Its such a negative world view, shame i didnt catch onto it sooner.

Regardless i should just be doing what i actually want to do more. If i think of someone and want to send them a text, i should just do it and not worry about how itll come off. Then again, I sent my driving instructor such messages and didnt get a response. It does suck but i dont feel fight or flight when it happens.

I guess i should remind myself to be a little more self indulgent at times. Its also a good way to meet new people; not constantly worrying whether youre giving the wrong impression or whatever. If i feel like saying something, i should say it. Obviously i dont need to go out and insult people

 

I dont want to be like the typical european and shit on anything american but when i look at american and canadian cities, they do feel really poorly planned for.

Here the municipalities have quite a bit of authority. I’m not sure how it is in the us. I’m honestly not the biggest of our govt and municipalities as its incredibly inefficient and so much money wasted through poor decisions fueled by ideology and then reverted because of ‘reasons’. I dont want to get into politics on here but it sounds like a drag to be a part of. Maybe i could work as a freelancer. I suppose it would already be a great win if i actually enjoy planology and then the job market after doesnt really matter. These are all cliches i wouldnt have been into 2 years ago but im a work in progress

 

Yep, I’ve heard of it. I had a landlord once who did that for a London borough council. What always tickled me was that he came from a Greek island where there were no cars at all.

As an aside, he was actually a nice guy… but also one of the most perfectionistic, uptight people I’ve ever met. He drove his tenants completely nuts with the nitpicking; I can’t imagine what he must have been like to work with.