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Takes me back, but I’ve madr incredible progress

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Mani, Apr 28, 2026 at 6:33 PM.

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  1. Mani

    Mani Well known member

    I haven’t been feeling so great these last days. Its just a cold but its pretty bad and i just have sore throat headache and couldnt eat. Anyway, I hadnt eaten in 2 days, I just went downstairs to level with my folks. Suddenly theres this annoying ass sound and im looking around like what the fuck is that sound. I’m half deaf so i cannot localize sound. Well it turns out it was my sister fucking with me with stupid digital sounds on her phone And like goodness me I just cant for the life of me understand why she would intentionally start doing shit like this to me when im in such a vulnerable state. She knows perfectly well that i cant stand digital sound. Especially being pretty much homebound and shes seen me go through these setbacks ‘caused by digital sounds’.Ive made that clear a million times. You know a lot of times my family make me feel like were all in this together but these situations are such bitter wakeup calls. Not just that my sister can be an incredible bitch but also a reality check in the sense that im really not close to ready to return to my old life.

    In hindsight its not just the sound because ‘whatever sounds happen and ill survive.’ However just it takes me back to so many memories of not feeling heard and just her awful antics. I remember her walking into me moms plants on purpose and it sounds like such a minor thing but we all know how much my mom hates it and she just does it to fuck with her and ill see my mom breaking down like ‘why dont you care about my wishes’. My dad keeps telling us not to put our fingers on the laptop screen. I never really did that anyway but good to know ill remember to use something else. Then im watching something and i see her putting her sweaty ass fingers on the screen knowing damn well my father hates when she does that. I gotta listen to them having the same ol’ convo every week about fingers on the screen and she just does not give a fuck.

    I just dont understand it. All my life ive been walking on egg shells trying to not be a nuisance meanwhile my sister is just ragebaiting people for the fun of it. It just takes me back to all the times i felt like my needs were just shoved aside — I’ve always felt like speaking up for myself just wasnt worth the effort. All these big personalities constantly claiming the social space and me sitting silently in my room as to not disturb anyone. No one caring about me whatsoever.

    I also saw diana talking about her mental progress. Even though the symptoms havent gone, she knows how much progress in other facets she has made. Its the same for me. I’ve been in this for less time than diana but i just feel like i know whats happening and that these things arent as emotionally loaded and i can just write about it here and be good. I still just have no idea why my sister does shit like this but its more of an intellectual issue than really emotionally painful. Its not playful banter what shes doing its just plain sabotage.

    Dont feel bad about not responding. I know no one cares but i just need to vent. Just to end on a positive note: I’m good. Shit happens and i feel disregarded but we move and tomorrow ill be having a new good day. Its scary to think about life but i feel like im moving in the right direction
     
    Mani, Apr 28, 2026 at 6:33 PM
    #1
  2. Mani

    Mani Well known member

    And also it was kings day here and you can look up videos of amsterdam it is crazy and i see all these people having fun in loud environments wondering whether ill ever be able to indulge in stuff like that again
     
    Mani, Apr 28, 2026 at 7:09 PM
    #2
  3. Adam Coloretti (coach)

    Adam Coloretti (coach) Well known member

    I care and this is a huge realisation - you've really nailed it in terms of what seems to be the cause underneath. It seems like the symptoms are repressed rage at your sister that you can't express, as well as hurt because your needs were shoved aside as you said.

    Ironically my only Kings Day when I was there I was in agony also and couldn't participate, so cheers! :wacky:
     
    Adam Coloretti (coach), Apr 28, 2026 at 11:30 PM
    #3
  4. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Geez, what is wrong with your sister, @Mani? And how old is she? She sounds like a nightmare.

    I honestly can't remember if we've talked about all of this before. Maybe in the "early days", but you've come a long way since then, so maybe it's a different discussion now?

    I know this sounds simplistic - and it is - but if I take your family dynamics at face value, just as you've described them, I want to address two things:

    1. What is it going to take for you to decide that your sister is not worth your consideration? You're not required to love her. She might be too dysfunctional for your love. Maybe she's mentally ill, and that's sad, but love is still not required.
    Questions: How much guilt are you possibly carrying about her? More importantly, are you possibly grieving the loss of being able to have a normal sibling relationship? Look to your isolation. Isolation is LOSS.

    2. The dysfunctional dynamic between the two of you and your parents is SO messed up I don't even know if a skilled family therapist could ever figure it out. But let's get real - Who are the adults that allowed this to develop?

    Obviously it's your parents. It occurs to me to wonder if your isolation could be a function of having been, in essence, abandoned by your parents in the face of intractable family dysfunction that they are incompetent to manage.

    The same questions I asked before still apply. I feel like you've mentioned the guilt you feel about imposing your disabilities on your family. The thing is, it's always ridiculously easy for TMSers to feel guilty, because we are all about judging and criticizing ourselves. What most people with serious symptoms are NOT good at is acknowledging repressed negative emotions and criticism of our parents, even though it is often the parents who have failed to nurture and protect the child. Remember, this failure is the perception of the child, and it must be taken seriously. It is irrelevant to argue about this from an adult point of view. A child is not an adult, and that is the whole point.

    Mind you, most parents don't fail their children on purpose. They fail them because they are only human and s*** happens. That's not the point of understanding repressed emotions. The whole point of the TMS brain function is that the immature child in us secretly blames our parents for abandoning us in some way. It's secret because it's unacceptable and therefore it is repressed. This is basic TMS theory.

    Your parents essentially abandoned you, due to their inability to control this horrible sister of yours, who is also their child. It's obviously an impossible situation and I know that you don't want to blame them - but your emotional freedom requires that you acknowledge that a childish and immature part of you DOES blame them - and that same child desperately grieves the loss of their protection.

    In other words, you are sitting on a shit load of loss. It's heartbreaking.
     
    JanAtheCPA, Apr 28, 2026 at 11:45 PM
    #4
    Adam Coloretti (coach) likes this.

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