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Day 2 Symptoms have shifted

Discussion in 'Structured Educational Program' started by Scytaic, Aug 21, 2018.

  1. Scytaic

    Scytaic Peer Supporter

    I forgot to do day 2 yesterday so today is my day 2. :) Yesterday I was still getting stinging but I went out! I notice that when I forget about the stinging, I don't feel it even though when I'm stressed it feels extremely real and painful. I've started to notice more and more how the stuck fluid feeling in my urethra doesn't always happen and I believe apart of it is that I feel like I can control it sometimes. Like if I take my FULL focus from it or force myself to get up off the toilet soon rather than sit there waiting for the feeling to happen, the symptom then doesn't always happen. Anyway last night I suddenly had a bad vibe/dread feeling. Like I just KNEW tomorrow was going to be the start of PGAD (my biggest fear that's been happening on and off). I did panic a lot but instead of giving into it and believing it was a sign or my brain telling me this is going to happen, I tried to see it differently. I believe in the Law of Attraction and I've been wondering if these kind of feelings are maybe your brains way of asking you as the last chance if you're sure you want this thing in your life that you've been obsessing over. So I used the opportunity to tell myself "No, I want good health instead" and I tried my best to visualise and feel the happiness and good health but I could barely do it at all because of the panic.

    So anyway, this morning I do feel a bit differently - in a bad way sadly. I woke up feeling like a spot of my leg, very close to my vulva was cold - like when there's no blood. I remember I used to wake up to this a lot during my first PN TMS symptoms so I'm not too worried but it did make me feel uneasy after my bad vibe feeling last night. I actually feel PGAD-ish too which I know I do sometimes but also because of last night, it's scaring me. The newest thing is after a bowel movement this morning and sort of extra-squeezing to get more pee out (sorry tmi) my urethra hurt quite a lot. It was definitely muscle pain, it was like stabbing and squeezing and mini muscle spasms at the entrance and lower urethra. I'm also getting a lot of bubbly feelings that I can pop when I squeeze everything together - I've been getting that on and off for the past 2 months but I've never tried the popping feeling before. It's all gone away now mostly except while writing this paragraph I've started to feel it all coming back again and even the PGAD is worse. Guess that's TMS? I think the two things that make it hard to believe it's just TMS is my top vulva - urethra and everything above, still always feels very sensitive to touch and during my last TMS symptoms, nothing ever felt physically bad to touch. Sensitivity seems more like a nerve thing? And another tmi/gross thing is in the 3 months I've had this, since the 2nd month, I've been getting excess vaginal discharge which isn't an infection/thrush/fungal/STD or anything they can test for. It's just normal very metalic-smelling discharge and it's worrying me a lot!
    So at the moment I'm scared of these conditions (all can cause PGAD) :
    Vuvoldynia which can cause the stinging, pgad and excessive discharge - only difference is mine isn't in the vagina, it's just the urethra upwards.
    Hormone/chemical imbalance - can cause pgad and discharge but besides these symptoms, I feel perfectly balanced and have no other hormone symptoms or problems.
    Central nervous system imbalance - can cause stinging and pgad - not sure about discharge, but again, no other CNS symptoms.
    Interstital cystitis and pudendal nerve problems of cause are always my biggest worries but I don't think my symptoms completely match them either - thankfully. I would also be getting a ton of other symptoms, including pain.

    All of these can be caused by withdrawing from antidepressants which is when my symptoms started so I'm still considering them all. BUT hopefully it is TMS! Anyway, feels really good to write all this out instead of keeping it inside or complaining to others about it! I hope tomorrow goes well. :)
    Edit: Throughout the day I had bladder and lower back ache and when my friends came to visit I had very bad symptoms, the fluid feeling was much worse and the burning/stinging was worse too and also started getting what feels like muscle spasms all around my urethra. Everything calmed down when they left though.
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2018

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