Day 3 of the Structure Educational Program and approximately month 3 of Journaling. Since I've began journaling it has been a roller coaster ride. Initially when I started the journaling process, I was hit with pretty severe anxiety and depression. Bowel problems began shortly thereafter. I was able to begin seeing these symptoms as equivalents. My mind is still trying to override my ability to recognize these symptoms for what they are, but I'm trying. I am also trying really hard to do the self-talk with my mind. My pain has not lessened much - if at all - but what I have noticed is that when anxiety hits hard, pain is considerably reduced. It's amazing how I am able to recognize the pain for what it is and "talk to it" I sat at my desk at work one day as usual and my left foot began to hurt so bad that it felt like the underside of it was hit by a hammer. I started walking on it, then I started running on it, then I laughed at it, then it went away. Pretty neat! Lately I have had really bad bouts of reflux. literally I feel like I am being hit by every symptom my body can throw at me. But what is interesting, is that I have a sense of calm about it. I think I know what it is. I would like the pain to go away, I would also like the symptoms to go away, but I am learning that they are my minds attempt to "protect" me. It has been suggested by some kind people on the forum to read threads dealing with outcome independence. Not worrying about how long it takes for symptoms to go away. Also, that the goal is not to be pain free, but to get to the root cause of what is causing symptoms. This is what I am trying to do, and I have really appreciated all of the encouragement. It is a great group here...
Murphy
Murphy