Ania
Peer Supporter
I have decided to write this summry post as I stucked and am not sure how to proceed further.
Shortly - my story is two years lasting low back pain which I developed after quitting bad job position which was overwhelming me.
I tried a lot of therapies which didn't help. I was told that my problem is L4-L5 disc.
I tried also steroid injection which released my pain (not fully) for some weeks, but few days after the injection I developed hard neck pain.
After 3 weeks of doing SEP program, and about 1 month after reading Dr.Sarno book:
Good things:
- I got rid of neck pain
- My low back is better, I can sit normally even on soft surface
- My movements look more normally (my husband says so)
Bad things:
- I still have low back pain in different situations - especially when trying to be active. The more active I want to be, the worse it is.
- I tried to resume running - I react with terrible pain even when planning to put my sport shoes on! Despite this I went out several times, telling myself that it is good for me. But at the moment it is so unpleasant experience.
- I feel more depressed and I feel anxiety very often - maybe this is a result of journalling, thinking about my emotions, and all sad things. Result of digging into all those psychological stuff.
- I developed dizziness in last few days (but this can be due to medicines I got from my gynae as I am preparing myself to small medical treatment).
And now the most difficult part:
after those weeks of journalling I found out that my biggest problem is actually problem of my husband.
Other problems were coming and going and I feel I solved them, or I am able to do so, or at least not to worry about anymore. But this one in unsolvable.
I was thinking a lot before putting it here, but I have nowhere else to go with it.
We are together 20 years, and we love each other. We have kids, house, money, we both are healthy (except my back pain) - everything perfect, except one thing:
My husband has terrible low self-esteem. He is always unhappy about his work, always thinks that others (men) are smarter, more intelligent etc. I think the root reason is his very difficult relation to his farther.
Objectively his career is going fine, he earns good money, have successes etc. But he is completely blind to this facts.
And whole 20 years, each day I am listening to his problems when he comes home. I was trying so hard to support him, to advice, to listen and understand, to shake him sometimes.
I encouraged him to thinks like building a house for us (it was his idea but he didn't believe he can manage) and to engage in sport he was dreaming about as I thought that when he will make something meaningful he will believe in himself more. It worked, but for a short time only.
Now I am completely exhausted. I know I cannot help him, as he just wants (somehow) to be in his problems. He doesn't listen to any advises.
On the other hand I feel that my problems are pushed aside. He is so deeply settled in his feeling, that there is no space to talk about mine. Even I do not want to start discussion, because it always turns to his issues and takes me down.
Don't take me wrong: he is a good man, taking care of kids, etc. But our life is simply sad. And I feel hopeless, as I see he is suffering, but how can I help him as he doesn't want to help himself.
I cannot just forget it, as he reminds me about his problems every single day, after he comes from work.
On one hand I feel pity for him, on the other I have great rage, that he does not notice how much he is overwhelming me with his problems, that he puts so much weight on my shoulders, and doesn't see that I am not able to carry it. That he doesn't have a single smile or joke for me. Never tries to impress me like usually men tries to impress their women, instead he is trying to convince me every day that I've married a looser.
I'll be grateful for any advice, please.
Shortly - my story is two years lasting low back pain which I developed after quitting bad job position which was overwhelming me.
I tried a lot of therapies which didn't help. I was told that my problem is L4-L5 disc.
I tried also steroid injection which released my pain (not fully) for some weeks, but few days after the injection I developed hard neck pain.
After 3 weeks of doing SEP program, and about 1 month after reading Dr.Sarno book:
Good things:
- I got rid of neck pain
- My low back is better, I can sit normally even on soft surface
- My movements look more normally (my husband says so)
Bad things:
- I still have low back pain in different situations - especially when trying to be active. The more active I want to be, the worse it is.
- I tried to resume running - I react with terrible pain even when planning to put my sport shoes on! Despite this I went out several times, telling myself that it is good for me. But at the moment it is so unpleasant experience.
- I feel more depressed and I feel anxiety very often - maybe this is a result of journalling, thinking about my emotions, and all sad things. Result of digging into all those psychological stuff.
- I developed dizziness in last few days (but this can be due to medicines I got from my gynae as I am preparing myself to small medical treatment).
And now the most difficult part:
after those weeks of journalling I found out that my biggest problem is actually problem of my husband.
Other problems were coming and going and I feel I solved them, or I am able to do so, or at least not to worry about anymore. But this one in unsolvable.
I was thinking a lot before putting it here, but I have nowhere else to go with it.
We are together 20 years, and we love each other. We have kids, house, money, we both are healthy (except my back pain) - everything perfect, except one thing:
My husband has terrible low self-esteem. He is always unhappy about his work, always thinks that others (men) are smarter, more intelligent etc. I think the root reason is his very difficult relation to his farther.
Objectively his career is going fine, he earns good money, have successes etc. But he is completely blind to this facts.
And whole 20 years, each day I am listening to his problems when he comes home. I was trying so hard to support him, to advice, to listen and understand, to shake him sometimes.
I encouraged him to thinks like building a house for us (it was his idea but he didn't believe he can manage) and to engage in sport he was dreaming about as I thought that when he will make something meaningful he will believe in himself more. It worked, but for a short time only.
Now I am completely exhausted. I know I cannot help him, as he just wants (somehow) to be in his problems. He doesn't listen to any advises.
On the other hand I feel that my problems are pushed aside. He is so deeply settled in his feeling, that there is no space to talk about mine. Even I do not want to start discussion, because it always turns to his issues and takes me down.
Don't take me wrong: he is a good man, taking care of kids, etc. But our life is simply sad. And I feel hopeless, as I see he is suffering, but how can I help him as he doesn't want to help himself.
I cannot just forget it, as he reminds me about his problems every single day, after he comes from work.
On one hand I feel pity for him, on the other I have great rage, that he does not notice how much he is overwhelming me with his problems, that he puts so much weight on my shoulders, and doesn't see that I am not able to carry it. That he doesn't have a single smile or joke for me. Never tries to impress me like usually men tries to impress their women, instead he is trying to convince me every day that I've married a looser.
I'll be grateful for any advice, please.
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