Suffering Together

Something that is becoming apparent to me on this TMS journey is just HOW MANY people are suffering. And I don't mean just from physical symptoms. Suffering in general.

I've been on a somewhat spiritual journey for years to better myself and to actually discover who I really am without the influence of society and what I "should" be. I've been in a tug-o-war with complaining and gossiping - I've heard it said these days complaining with each other is a way to bond between people by SUFFERING TOGETHER. To me, this seems absurd. But it's true. I see it in myself every day and am trying to learn to resist the urge to complain to and with others and to take on others' suffering by being "compassionate" (I was shocked to learn the definition of compassion is: literally, suffering together).

Gossip, to me, goes hand in hand. When I really took a look at the reasons why I partake in gossip I realized I was venting about others, picking out flaws in someone else, to feel better (even superior) about myself. To seemingly downplay my own flaws by elevating the flaws in others And it's a hard urge to resist when others begin gossiping for, what I assume, is the same reason.

We've been conditioned by society, for whatever reason, to suffer together.

Now, as I'm learning about TMS, I see, hear, and experience those complaints EVERYWHERE. Whether it's women complaining about their bodies (WOW this is prevalent). Complaints about how life hasn't turned out as expected. How people have done us wrong. The list is endless.

And when I hear complaints about physical pains I can associate that pain with the emotional suffering. It's everywhere. It's hard not to shout "Do you realize the physical and emotional pain are one!? Read Dr. Sarno, he'll tell you the truth!"

As a highly-sensitive person I'd like to eliminate everyone's suffering...mostly so I don't take it in and feel everyone else's pain myself I know that's not logical or possible. I'm hoping on this journey I will discover a way to allow everyone to have their pain, that it's ok, and all I have to deal with is my own pain. But at times I feel overwhelmed by how we are all suffering together. How did we end up like this? Are humans prone to being this way? Or was there a time long ago when we knew how to recycle our emotions in a healthy way?

Is complaining a helpful way to feel our emotions? For me, it's not. It never gets to the core of what is REALLY bothering me and is a vicious cycle. I complain about the same problem over and over (I've noticed this with others as well) without ever getting solved. It doesn't feel like I'm actually feeling that emotion at all. I've heard some say it's how they feel things, solve problems, come to conclusions...

I'd love to hear any thoughts from the community on this subject

 

We are all tied together within the field, when one suffers we all suffer. As Thich Nhat Hanh said "when I suffer you suffer."

Alan Watts always contended that we suffer because we enjoy it, and Christopher Marlowe wrote that "misery loves company," which is often seen in forums. Those people who heal rarely come to forums. It reminds me of something Yogananda said to a lady who began telling him about her chronic fatigue. He said, "wait!!!...I don't want to hear about it, I may just get it, the unconscious is that powerful." The talking about symptoms is a fortifier of those thoughts in the mind and they become tangible products.

I know that I would not be happy today if it wasn't for my suffering, happiness and pain are folds of the same person. Marcel Proust had written "We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full." For certain, suffering means we are on the wrong path, or more precisely that we long to be on the right one since pain and disease are both defenses against truth.

SO

 

Caroline Myss refers to this bonding through suffering as wounded intimacy and she noted how it possesses a seductive power for many people, particularly those who have precious few experiences of authentic intimacy. I see it as a pernicious form of emotional quicksand.

Gossip is something I particularly detest for the way it revolves around shaming and guilt. I have heard it said that it's roots lie in the gatherers need to transmit life-saving information to other women but I fear that may be an aggrandizement of an ugly human trait.

The upside of suffering is that we are given a choice: bitterness and condemnation or love and compassion. Fear or Love. Truths as old as time. Healing is the generosity of the open heart. Get out of your mind...get way out...and live from your heart. Always.

Plum x

 

Sometimes we need to vent, and I think this is healthy. But when it gets chronic, like repeated complaining or gossiping, I agree, it's not. Maybe it has to do with whether or not we are genuinely looking for a solution. I came here to seek a solution for my pain and to share anything I learn outside of here.

Once in a while I get crabby and whiny, but I try to see it for what it is and let it go.

 

Lately I've had a surge of motivation and inspiration. Rather than being yet another shoulder to cry on, I want to be a source of true healing. To me, this is working on a solution to problems, to ask questions for people to discover what the real root cause of their complaint might be. Yet I don't know if this is helpful for all. Or if I even have the right to offer opinions and solutions. I find most just want to vent their frustrations rather than come to a solution (I agree with you @mouser that venting can be healthy).

A motivational speaker I love, Isaiah Hankel, says in order to move in the direction you want, you must drop those who are holding you back, the naysayers and the negatives, even if they are being negative about their own life. Because we want to surround ourselves with the energy we want to BE. If I'm honest, I do feel bitter about the negative people in my life, especially when I've done all I can to be there for them and show love and compassion.

So the question is: what IS love and compassion? Is it to be the ear and the shoulder and listen to suffering? Or is it to be a lighthouse and be one who attempts to lift the negatives up out of that dark cloud, even if it hurts at first? To show a different path?

 

WONDERFUL quotes and things to ponder! Would you say when we have suffered to our own individual fullest, that's only when we will not be bothered by the suffering of others? An enlightenment of sorts?

 

Our own suffering is what increases compassion for others. The idea of suffering is that we can't escape it, but we can determine how long we will continue in it.

And it seems clear that suffering always comes when we separate from truth. It definitely enlightens us, but only if we seek truth. If you put your hand on a hot stove and you experience the truth of burning, but never learn and keep placing your hand on the stove then you haven't expanded awareness or grown, and so haven't learned a truth. You aren't ready yet, as in TMS healing. People are shown the truth of how to heal every day but they normally aren't ready and will go seek out some other form of healing, or try something else. In the end they return when they are ready, and they all heal. They have not yet grown tired of their own suffering because they still need their pain/disease for persoanl and unc. motivations.

SO