At times I have such intense hate for myself. I know this must not be the right way to feel. Today I was reprimanded by a friend telling me I was rude. I explained my actions to him saying I apoligized to him because it was not intentional. we were playing a sport called pickleball. I am so angry at myself for being so demoralized by such a minor misunderstanding. I apoligized to others that may have been offended. I know my fear of rejection is so overpowering. I was 'not perfect.' i journal but find I have so much self-hate for being so weak. I want to run away and hide and never participate in this sport again. The 'dark cloud' starts to float back into my head. I hate caring so much about what others think of me. Why can't I be self-confident and mentally strong? I know I have to deal with being a TMSer all my life. It is sure exhausting.