I stopped the SEP after a few days and am selective about how I use Schubiner. The focus wasn't quite right for me. As I have said, I have probably been TMS prone all of my life. The personality traits of TMS describe me well. But they are so general that they might apply to anyone in our society. Perfectionism? Low self-esteem? Universal. Long story short- it is Rosh HaShana (Jewish Neew Year.). Last night my husband and I sat down to dinner without ignoring each other, rushing, bickering or going over old ground. The kids were not with us (adult children) and we didn't have guests or chaos---we saved that for today. I sat down with my husband whwo is often the brunt or scapegoat for my anger and pain and initiated a conversation about our relationship. WHo are we now? What do I want from you? What has made me sad? What do I love about you? What IS love anyway? Are you the person you want to be? Am I the person I want to be? We talked about what we want to be for each other and with each other in the new year? I owned a lot of my TMS craziness--ups and downs, goodism and guilt over not being good enough, activity restriction, pain,resentment, guilt and blame and shame--What we would change about ourselves (as opposed to each other.) We have never had this conversation in 28 years of marriage.That is so shocking I will repeat it. We have never had this conversation in 28 years of marriage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It felt like we had had some fantastic intimate time, not in the way you're thinking, but awesome anyway. Last year, my back pain kept me from enjoying any part of the holiday. And I was so anxious and out of control internally that I couldn't focus on anything. TODAY-I-HAD-NO-PAIN-WHATSOEVER. I know now the work I have to do is in the present.