ladyofthelake
Peer Supporter
WAIT WAIT WAIT! Can somebody tell me how to load a m4a recording here? I was so close to ACTUALLY sharing my success story and now this.
Here is what I wrote to accompany my audio recording, a preview if you will....
I'm attaching a audio recording fro March of 2018 about my TMS success story from fall of 2016. I thought I should wait to share my success story until I was really sure I was successful and by now the process has dimmed a bit. I also put off sharing because I felt it should be written and writing is not my preferred way of communicating. THEN I didn't share this recording because it was so long! I tried recording it again, making it shorter but it wasn't as good as the first time I recorded it. And of course I don't know how to edit a recording.
ANYWAY! Here is my story. I'd like to reassure you I have much less anxiety now than I did when I recorded this.
Here is a run down of times I talk about this and that.
TMS Ramble Notes and Times
00:00 Intro and labeling TMS
00:30-02:30 2008 Traumatic experience and sudden onset of pain. “Push through and suck it up.” Associated sciatic pain with driving, not the emotions.
02:30-03:40 Physical treatment tried: chiro, new car, massage. Nothing really worked.
03:40 Tramadol-loved it
4:20 Physical Therapy
4:40 Description of pain and dealing with pain chronically.
5:40 Read Healing Back Pain. Recognized myself! Started working on TMS.
07:00 The pain was gone-but the anxiety was SO BAD I wanted the pain back!
08:00 Time of year seasonal anniversary realization. Anxiety worse and pain came back.
09:30 Stopped TMS work. Returned to the hope of physical cure.
09:50 Steroid injections-one “worked,” one didn’t!
10:50 Only after fail of injections did I really accept TMS.
11:20 Month off work. STOPPING DRINKING ALCOHOL. Which was key for me to recover.
12:50 I didn’t do much journalling. The most helpful thing for me was Alan Gordon’s recordings on TMS wiki.
13:30 Bingeing Alan Gordon’s session recordings. TMS recovery was VERY COUNTERINTUITIVE for me.
15:00 My life is so full of “shoulds” TMS recovery isn’t about shoulds.
15:40 Shocked by Alan’s recording with someone talking about anger. It made me really uncomfortable but made me realize acknowledging anger doesn’t hurt people.
16:40 Outcome Independence. Sitting was painful for me, not activity. Just doing the thing that hurts and trying not to care. I faked it until I made it.
18:25 Reframing the pain as “feelings” and little Alan Gordon thanking!
18:40 What really worked for me was cheering the pain on and inviting it to get worse.
21:00 What to tell other people, especially those in pain?
23:00 The social commradery of chronic pain. I’m not talking to people about TMS unless they ask.
23:30 I was still on tramadol
24:30 Tapering off tramadol
25:00 A little ramble on my love of tramadol
25:40 “I still have sciatic pain” TMS keeps coming up
27:30 Now pain signals feelings, I’m not scared of the pain now
28:30-31:15 Physical “treatments” are still a problem for me. Massage and yoga confirm the belief that there is a physical cause to my pain.
31:20 It was not important to me to “overcome” or “understand” my emotions.
32:00 Anxiety remains
Here is what I wrote to accompany my audio recording, a preview if you will....
I'm attaching a audio recording fro March of 2018 about my TMS success story from fall of 2016. I thought I should wait to share my success story until I was really sure I was successful and by now the process has dimmed a bit. I also put off sharing because I felt it should be written and writing is not my preferred way of communicating. THEN I didn't share this recording because it was so long! I tried recording it again, making it shorter but it wasn't as good as the first time I recorded it. And of course I don't know how to edit a recording.
ANYWAY! Here is my story. I'd like to reassure you I have much less anxiety now than I did when I recorded this.
Here is a run down of times I talk about this and that.
TMS Ramble Notes and Times
00:00 Intro and labeling TMS
00:30-02:30 2008 Traumatic experience and sudden onset of pain. “Push through and suck it up.” Associated sciatic pain with driving, not the emotions.
02:30-03:40 Physical treatment tried: chiro, new car, massage. Nothing really worked.
03:40 Tramadol-loved it
4:20 Physical Therapy
4:40 Description of pain and dealing with pain chronically.
5:40 Read Healing Back Pain. Recognized myself! Started working on TMS.
07:00 The pain was gone-but the anxiety was SO BAD I wanted the pain back!
08:00 Time of year seasonal anniversary realization. Anxiety worse and pain came back.
09:30 Stopped TMS work. Returned to the hope of physical cure.
09:50 Steroid injections-one “worked,” one didn’t!
10:50 Only after fail of injections did I really accept TMS.
11:20 Month off work. STOPPING DRINKING ALCOHOL. Which was key for me to recover.
12:50 I didn’t do much journalling. The most helpful thing for me was Alan Gordon’s recordings on TMS wiki.
13:30 Bingeing Alan Gordon’s session recordings. TMS recovery was VERY COUNTERINTUITIVE for me.
15:00 My life is so full of “shoulds” TMS recovery isn’t about shoulds.
15:40 Shocked by Alan’s recording with someone talking about anger. It made me really uncomfortable but made me realize acknowledging anger doesn’t hurt people.
16:40 Outcome Independence. Sitting was painful for me, not activity. Just doing the thing that hurts and trying not to care. I faked it until I made it.
18:25 Reframing the pain as “feelings” and little Alan Gordon thanking!
18:40 What really worked for me was cheering the pain on and inviting it to get worse.
21:00 What to tell other people, especially those in pain?
23:00 The social commradery of chronic pain. I’m not talking to people about TMS unless they ask.
23:30 I was still on tramadol
24:30 Tapering off tramadol
25:00 A little ramble on my love of tramadol
25:40 “I still have sciatic pain” TMS keeps coming up
27:30 Now pain signals feelings, I’m not scared of the pain now
28:30-31:15 Physical “treatments” are still a problem for me. Massage and yoga confirm the belief that there is a physical cause to my pain.
31:20 It was not important to me to “overcome” or “understand” my emotions.
32:00 Anxiety remains
