Success Log - changing up fatigue and fog - small wins (and big wins!)

[CKWins]

Hi folks,
I decided one thing I've never had with changing my body's TMS habits, was a community. A forum. A place to express myself. I've done it all alone, and had my own 'success' note pads, but in the end i forgot about them. So I thought it would be really good and so much more fun to post my wins, tiny, medium, large, here. Maybe even my insights and thoughts. I'm excited at the prospect of having a like-minded community, who gets it. The point is just to log alllll my wins, no matter what. From mindset to actual symptom decreases...etc. A safe place for me, a fun place for me, a place of hope I can go to, and hopefully a place that has a record of my wins for when I'm totally stuck and I can't remember what it feels like to be motivated or hopeful . If this log is nice for you to read too, then that's an extra positive, though I dont expect any readers honestly.

So, here goes. I'll start with where I'm at.
Today I:
- cleaned my whole room, while learning about the mechanisms of what's happening biologically when your body goes into SNS and then when you have symptoms. (I'd had a super rough day with deep fatigue, brain fog, depression, the sheer inability to do anything or think my way out of the situation). After 4pm and being desperately unhappy, I revised and refreshed my brain-fogged memory as to the actual mechanisms of what was going on, (as that always helps me, the understanding); and I cleaned my room simultaneously - and within an hour I was already feeling better; well, the fact I was standing and cleaning at all means i went from deep shut-down into more mobile, mentally and physically. so that was great. THAT'S A WIN! and i'm here to celebrate it. I learnt a lot (again); and I am more into the understanding and study, with a proactive approach this time; and that included - creating community for myself so I have someone to tell, when I have a breakthrough, or maybe even when I'm having the opposite. And so here I am. I'll add that to a list of my wins today the fact I actually have this new piece of the puzzle. Sharing my wins. yay. I'm excited in a small-tms-way for that hehe. Actually I'm a bit more than a bit excited. I can't believe i'm finally sharing a part of myself with others...wow.
- I am here, typing, and i must say I feel a whole lot brighter than i did three hours ago. I feel more positive. More empowered. More poised. More able. Capable.
- i actually did something about it. that's the win. the mindset was, i'm going to do something about it, it's the most loving thing to me and the most meaningful thing i could possibly do today. Not distraction, not forcing socialising and hoping I feel fine. No. I recognised that I was in a stuck-place, and no amount of external (but good) distraction was going to relieve me of the background pain of crushing fatigue and brain fog. i'm glad. as now I feel good about staying home and working on change
Physical sensations - I also feel i can think clearer, my vision has come clearer; the depression has massively inverted - I still feel a bit of symptoms but the change is night and day; my breathing is calmer, i think i feel calmer and fresher; i think my pfc has turned back on, My yes are wider. I think I'd be capable of a social conversation now. I feel more mobile. AND I FEEL MORE CONTENT. yes. Content to stay home and enjoy this moment. to savour it. my space; writing here; having made progress; making change; dreaming about how good the future can be; enjoying a nice meal; washing my clothes; organising my room; me time; the peace of a saturday afternoon where the streets are quiet and the light is good coming into my room. peace. Before I couldn't feel these sensations, only hours ago. There has been a great shift. Improvement. I can do it.
The anxiety has also come right down (sns, random heart palpitations; the feeling of pressing the accelerator and the brake at the same time - like tired and wired and totally unable to function but very uncomfortable in my skin and feeling 'i should do something' just the feeling of existential pressure and dread even though the environment was perfectly calm and relaxing and objectively pleasant). I feel much better now.
I feel progress.
Ahhh to have a sunnier outlook. even just 50% . Long live.
Ok! that's enough for now kids! Can't wait to log more changes here
woop!
lots of love

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

The point is just to log alllll my wins, no matter what. From mindset to actual symptom decreases...etc.

This isn't done enough and is a great practice! Especially meaningful wins outside of the simple symptom reduction

 

[CKWins]

Thank you, Adam. And to the kind folks who sent some support.

 

[CKWins]

17 May wins: movement, visualisations, kind talk; results - feeling brighter, lower F and F (fatigue and fog); = more HOPE! and that's the biggest best thing.

• Got outside, cycled, went to the park and actually felt my nervous system calm; did a task i had been dreading; visualised how i wanted to feel beforehand; chose the ACT principle of meaning over feeling...A real success to cycle to the park - regardless of the fact it was an e-bike. i enjoyed it immensely. the birds, the trees, the sea. a total chill pill.
  
  
• Successfully used calming visualisation and self-talk techniques to change sns more to pns quickly. I'd not been doing this before, and i realise how quickly i could get into my system and turn things into something more pleasant. huge win. massive. mindset victory. i wanna use this forever! i want to remember!
  
  
• Woke up feeling brighter, more present, more emotionally stable, and “back in the game.” i even felt that i'd be open to saying hi to my flatmates and generally being bright and cheerful if i saw them in the kitchen. = woah. big win. massive.
  
  
• Basically - just did challenging things, and succeeded, regardless of symptoms. And that sense of having done them at all, was worth its weight in gold. yes, i have to say, it trumps avoiding the pain and not doing anything; even if it's hard. (thats gotta be a win)

18 May: creating capability; realising kind talk really is the glue to hold it together; so is calming visual. Those two things I wana keep doing. I did a challenging day, felt great exhaustion, and I live to tell the tale. Fact is, I did it.

• Returned to the gym gently and walked there and back successfully. Huge win. I've never walked there and back for belief / fear i wouldn't have enough energy to then actually exercise at the gym. But i did it. it was the first time. huge win. i learnt 'i can do it'. it was a challenge and obviously a hit to the system, but hey. i did it.

• did some exercise, even in five minute bouts, even though i really didn't feel like it. not at all. win - i took it at my pace; i did what felt possible, and i rejoiced in having done it; i also noticed a huge cortisol drop after. yes I was tired, but i was also less sns-y. = worth it.

• i reinstated rest time. realised that i hadn't been taking breaks or taking any actual 'relax' time in my day. i think this has been a game changer reinstating it. i fell asleep. and although the nap felt absolutely necessary, i actually felt much better when i woke up, giving me another two hours use of my brain in the evening which i normally don't get to enjoy. the win here was allowing it. and also saying, yes i was tired because i did lots more physical stuff today than usual. and i slept late last night. and i had a cognitively depleting phone call. i'm learning to be okay with my body's needs. kind talk helped here, and will continue to help.

• the win is i actually got out the house, and used visualisation and mindset to get me to the gym, and regardless of how tired i was by 4/5pm, i still did it. and for me, that is a massive win. adding the kind talk to myself was the crucial and probably biggest change i've made, and i really want to keep that as it's the difference between night and day on my system.