Yesterday my symptoms increased. Nowhere near previous levels, but worse than they've been in a few weeks. I thought it was because of some "issues" with one family member who is about to take what will likely be an emotionally charged trip. I journaled about that, including the relief I felt from knowing that I had not been, and would not be any part of the trip, & that I do not believe I am ready for the emotional experience my family member will likely have. Symptoms became a bit more insistent. Possibly a distraction (protection) attempt or was it and effort to follow my directions (confirm my thoughts) since I was journaling about how I felt about the upcoming trip (that has nothing to do with me) and "telling" myself I wasn't ready to handle that? I wasn't even sure I was on the right track since the journaling hadn't helped the way it generally does. So, as I was falling asleep last night I chatted with my subconscious, begging for a clue, something that would either point to or confirm the right direction to end this. I read somewhere recently that one school of thought feels our dreams are our subconscious' attempt at "testing the waters" so to speak when it comes to our repressed emotions. If I understood it correctly, neurologically our bodies respond to emotion exactly the same way when we're asleep as they do when we're awake. If our breath is going to become almost non-existant and our heart is going to beat out of our chest when we're awake, the same would happen encountering that same emotion in a dream while asleep. So, the theory is that the sub-conscious will use the dream state as a "trial run", a virtual reality to see if we can actually be trusted to "survive" that dangerous emotion. I don't know if it was a test run or not. What I do know is that I asked for a clue and I don't believe in coincidences. My dreams last night were not filled with the family member I had initially expected but were completely consumed by the person that family member will be encountering on the trip. Here I thought I had moved passed that person and resolved all my feelings there. Guess I had only resolved as much as I could be trusted with at the time. Seems it's time to get out the shovel again.