Stuff still coming up?

[cap23]

Hi all! Hope everyone is doing well. I was on the forum a few times back in September. I did the program and had a NOTICEABLE decrease in pain. Mood uplifted, energy good, pain decreasing. It was glorious and I knew it was from the program. I was feeling wonderful(not 100% but huge improvement) for maybe 6 weeks and then I caught a chest cold- which catapulted the fear based mindset, and since then have had an increase in pain(still, not as bad as before starting the program). I know it has ramped up again due to catching that chest cold and I fell into fearful thoughts.

After a very emotionally taxing January(sick family members, a huge fight with another family member), I have started journaling again. I am really surprised and actually a bit discouraged by the amount of stuff that is still coming up. Why do I have so many horrible feelings stuck inside?? I thought doing the program and years of therapy I would have cleared everything out. In a way, it doesn't feel like. Like it almost feels wrong, as if I am just looking for things to "complain" about. My childhood was unsafe and unsteady and I have had a lot of emotional hurt in my life- but the feelings coming up feel disproportionate to my life. Does that make sense? Why do I have so much stuck inside, but others can easily (seemingly) let things go?

I am trying not to get stuck on a time frame here, as I know that increases symptoms. Just looking for some thoughts from others. It seems like I have a whole ton of repressed emotions and core beliefs and they just keep rising.

I have rheumatoid arthritis, but it has been proven to me that is is TMS (since I got immense relief, the pain moves- my knees now feel great but suddenly my low back hurts, have had moments of zero pain, etc).

Thank you all for any insights.

 

[Bonnard]

....I am really surprised and actually a bit discouraged by the amount of stuff that is still coming up. Why do I have so many horrible feelings stuck inside?? I thought doing the program and years of therapy I would have cleared everything out. In a way, it doesn't feel like. Like it almost feels wrong, as if I am just looking for things to "complain" about.

Wow, you are so fortunate to have this kind of stuff surface--many people never get to the point where you're at right now. That stuff is so valuable. The whole TMS distraction that your brain is throwing at you with these symptoms is aimed at getting you to not deal with this stuff.
And, when you think it's too much -- Just consider how you describe your childhood: "unsafe and unsteady."

You're also fortunate to have the willingness to complete the program and to return to journaling after that stressful January.

I am trying not to get stuck on a time frame here, as I know that increases symptoms.

Yes, you are. You're definitely getting stuck on a timeframe here.

Hang in there, and keep at it! It's exciting and helpful to see others right in the midst of the work, where you are.

 

[cap23]

Wow, you are so fortunate to have this kind of stuff surface--many people never get to the point where you're at right now. That stuff is so valuable. The whole TMS distraction that your brain is throwing at you with these symptoms is aimed at getting you to not deal with this stuff.
And, when you think it's too much -- Just consider how you describe your childhood: "unsafe and unsteady."

You're also fortunate to have the willingness to complete the program and to return to journaling after that stressful January.

Yes, you are. You're definitely getting stuck on a timeframe here.

Hang in there, and keep at it! It's exciting and helpful to see others right in the midst of the work, where you are.

Thank you so much for this perspective- I hadn't thought of it from this angle. How lucky I am to be able to access all these suppressed emotions. I'd imagine many people become stuck. I will not worry about my endless flow of emotions coming to the surface. Thank you!

 

[Things]

Thank you both for what you shared. I found it helpful.

 

[Cactusflower]

My own therapist talked about this same thing when my sessions with her ended. She said healing is often like peeling layers from an onion and that we know things are going well when we are safe enough to allow the lifetime of stuff to surface. Often it’s like the peeling of an onion. We get plateaus when we are doing fine and then our mind is ready to peel back more layers.

 

[cap23]

My own therapist talked about this same thing when my sessions with her ended. She said healing is often like peeling layers from an onion and that we know things are going well when we are safe enough to allow the lifetime of stuff to surface. Often it’s like the peeling of an onion. We get plateaus when we are doing fine and then our mind is ready to peel back more layers.

Thank you!