Stuck

At the beginning of this journey I had a big decrease in pain because I understood that two things were at play : either I have something structural and it will heal or I have neural pathway pain and i can influence it calming down.

now, two years into my journey with psychogenic pain, I feel stuck. I have one sensation that terrifies me (hip/low back). Today I don’t have pain and I have NO CLUE WHY. Yesterday the pain was so high. I just feel like I’m losing my ability to affect my pain level. And developing the unhelpful narrative that I have some sort of disability if I have to lay down or rest or check out mentally because of pain.

I’m exhausted with the cycle of hope and despair.

if anyone has any little nuggets of hope, my brain would really appreciate it.

 

Hmm, it sounds like you are overthinking it and focusing on the wrong thing. Sensations and signals may come and go. Your brain will challenge you and test you but the only thing that matters...the ONLY thing is how little it affects you...how little fear you have. Then it just goes on it's own without you having to analyze or "do" or "try". It sounds like you are TMS'ing about TMS which seems to be quite common!

 

TMS'ing about TMS is very funny! I hadn't even thought about that. I think I'm having this really annoying intersection of pain sensations, anxiety/depression and its making this murky mental soup of sorts. Working on the fear. It's VERY high at the moment as I'm sure you can tell.

 

I know it does sound funny but it's true lol! When physical symptoms or sensations rear their ugly head it's totally normal to get scared and depressed. Then the anxiety, pain, anxiety cycle ensues. The key to intercepting the cycle is: #1: remaining calm in the face of symptoms (outcome independence) and #2: shifting focus to what you are feeling and thinking. Anxiety is just another TMS equivalent and your brain trying to distract you or "protect" you from some unknown danger that may be looming around the corner. Just as these sensations are harmless and safe, your emotions are safe as well. So remind yourself of that and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. Just as the physical stuff is temporary, your THOUGHTS are temporary. I can't stress this part enough. We tend to get very caught up in our thoughts to the point where we believe them (false beliefs) but the truth is they are just thoughts and most often not truth...like clouds floating by in the sky.

 

Thank you for these reminders. Outcome Independence is still a really tough one for me - as I've heard it is for a lot of people. The sensations ability to feel dangerous - just because of their threat to like "ruin my day, week, etc" is enough to keep me in that anxiety loop. ANYWAY, there I go on an anxiety loop. Thanks for your insight!