Stuck following the Stuck

M

m8888888

Peer Supporter
This was going to be a post in a thread but i didn’t think it would be helpful to derail with what is probably going to be seen as just negativity.

I just feel like every time I visit this site, I see the same members, clearly still in the thick of things, giving advice to others as if they have all the answers. I’ve been there. If you look through my posting history, many a time I’ve thought I had it all worked out. Sharing my wisdom after a huge “a-ha moment” as if I've cracked the code. But here I am, maybe 8/9 years after discovering Sarno and this site, still as lost as ever.

I realise the whole point of this forum is supporting others on their mindbody journey and I completely see the value of that. But is it actually helpful for people to be receiving advice from those that are still suffering and have no idea whether the guidance they’re giving is the answer to their problems? There’s already enough information overload and conflicting opinions when it comes to TMS as it is.

Maybe this is just my TMS brain lashing out after trying basically everything over the past few years, thinking I’ve found the answer, feeling like I have to spread the word - only to stay stuck. It’s tough.

I don’t mean to dishearten anyone with any of this, I just sometimes wonder if a forum based around dissecting a distraction mechanism in the brain is appropriate for people dealing with TMS. That is if you actually subscribe to the distraction theory because like everything mindbody related, it’s about a million different things at the same time.
 
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Hi, m8–
Sorry you’re feeling so negative and frustrated. I can understand that perfectly well. I’ve actually wondered the same thing myself about this site— But if you look closely, people who aren’t *completely* free of TMS do have valuable advice to give. Because as you know, TMS sometimes returns; Or it never completely leaves, but it leaves to a great degree, making life so much better. Where else would we go to discuss this? The medical world? I guess we could make a rule and say no one can share on here unless they are completely free of TMS. But I don’t think that’s the point. I think you can have little victories as you go along, and you can share them. The advice here is good. It’s solid, and it’s proven to have worked for thousands of people. If it hasn’t worked for you, maybe there’s something still blocking you? It still all comes down to, you have to just keep doing The Work until you fix. What other choice is there? Your negativity does have somewhat of a victim tone to it, and I know you can’t heal as a victim. I know this because I’ve been mostly in the victim mode and haven’t been able to heal either. But lately I’m working my way out of that mode— and to be honest, all of my progress has been based on the advice and friendship I’ve been able to gain here. Why don’t you stick around for a while and see what you can learn? Or, better yet, see what you can contribute.
 
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Well, this forum wouldn't be here and answering questions regularly if all the folks who were magically and completely cured 100% helped people. Because those people a) don't exist and b) clearly aren't hanging around here regularly.
Don't like to forum, don't bother to come around.
If you are super cynical and think that others feel they have "all" the answers, then you just might be stuck in the TMS black/white or "legalistic" thinking that Sarno talks about.
I try to have an open mind and see that each person has a different story, is in a different place in their journey and just might have a little nugget of wisdom that speaks to someone else (if it doesn't to you). I read and read and read this forum, and nothing happened. I was stuck in a mindset that was defeatist, depressed and anxious. But little by little over months and a few years, things people said spoke to me. My mind had to be ready. I also needed help from a coach or two and a therapist.
Then one day, the world opened. I made headway and began to dismantle the anxiety, the depression lifted, and my mind kept opening more and more. I worked through many of the learned personality traits Sarno talks about and began to embrace how they could serve me, and where they did not. When they did not, I changed them.
I learned how to set boundaries, how to have fun again, my own self worth and value.
My symptoms lessened during this time from well over 30 regular symptoms to just a few.
From just a few I now have just my major symptom (chronically) but even that is beginning to fade, as I do more, live life more and learn to be gentle to myself during the most stressful times (and right now, I am having an extremely stressful personal time). Symptoms are a little more amplified than they have been, but I'm OK with that.
I don't feel it's important to have 0 symptoms and be "perfect" to help someone navigate their way.
I didn't follow one "clear" pathway to get where I am - follow one particular TMS guru. I worked through many methods until I found what works best for me.
And I am grateful for every single person who has taken their time to post, help, instruct, tell their story.
Can it be a distraction: yes. That's not the fault of the forum. That's what the person who is reading is going through. You make this forum a distraction then it is one.

I'm sorry you are still struggling. I'm sorry you are still looking for that 'ah-ha" moment. I haven't had one, I don't think that's my own personal way things are happening. Fantastic if that happens for someone else and they find their way out. Many of the people I've offered advice to have written success stories, and I'm really happy for them. It's amazing that they found their way.
 
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Cactusflower said:
Many of the people I've offered advice to have written success stories,
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Cactus thank you so much for this post. I agree with every word and I’m going to bookmark it. Your story and advice, which you liberally share with your valuable time, has helped me beyond all belief! Somehow without me noticing it, I cut my symptoms in half over the past year. And like you, I was on this website every single day, reading and learning. Thank you so much! ❤️

I’m sending a shout out to everyone on the forum who shares— even new people! we all have something to add. This is not an exact science. All of our stories mingle into one giant success story.
 
Diana-M said:
Somehow without me noticing it, I cut my symptoms in half over the past year.
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And the reason you didn't notice, Diana, is because we are literally designed, by the evolutionary forces of survival, to remain in a negative and fearful state of mind. It's not easy, but it IS possible, to overcome that.

@m8888888, I'm afraid that your struggles are a perfect example of the basic truth of this FACT.

You have three choices:
Fight back
Give in and ACCEPT
Remain mired in victimhood

That's plenty of options to choose from.

And as I write this, my moment of clarity is that we are here to support the first two options, which are actually at opposite ends of a spectrum - and we are all working from either end of this spectrum, both ends of the spectrum, and all along the spectrum at any given time. And it is a lifelong process.

No wonder it's messy. :hilarious:

Diana-M said:
This is not an exact science. All of our stories mingle into one giant success story.
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JanAtheCPA said:
we are here to support the first two options, which are actually at opposite ends of a spectrum - and we are all working from either end of this spectrum, both ends of the spectrum, and all along the spectrum at any given time. And it is a lifelong process.
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Beautiful, Jan!
 
Well, the idea of the blind being guided by the blind goes beyond the guidance. It is about bounding. That's how the support groups work. Everybody there is having the hardest time and making mistakes. And by relating and helping, they slowly get better. It might look they're stuck, but this is usually our western way of expecting results right now.

m8888888 said:
There’s already enough information overload and conflicting opinions when it comes to TMS as it is.
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There is. I kinda stopped saying this work is easy to understand because of the amount of contradiction you see in Youtube and even books. It's hard work to make sense of inconsistent info especially when you're in pain.
But like Cactus did, you can get you're own understanding which relates to the results of your work.

I also think one the most dangerous contradictions in this field is to say there's nothing wrong with someone's body, and then make the person feel their mind is shattered by traumas.

m8888888 said:
Sharing my wisdom after a huge “a-ha moment” as if I've cracked the code. But here I am, maybe 8/9 years after discovering Sarno and this site, still as lost as ever.
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I think this one belongs to the discussion about how fast the neuroplasticity work can be. I've seen Howard Schubiner and others say it can be fast, and they use the book healing as example. But I've also seen an actual neurologist say it's like opening a trail in the jungle, while the brain has the option to use the highway controlled by TMS. I honestly have no idea what to take from that. For now I think some conditions make the a-ha moments stick, but it usually doesn't happen. And therapists should be careful about using these examples too much.

So, there are things that work for some, but not for all. And there are things that work for you sometimes, but not always. How to work with that?
In this video Dan Ratner talks about the unconscious contradiction (how the mind can say one thing and the exact opposite at the same time) and it helps understand why the results of this work vary so much.

 
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feduccini said:
So, there are things that work for some, but not for all. And there are things that work for you sometimes, but not always. How to work with that?
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Thanks, @feduccini —love your post. Every word, I agree with! And honestly, @m8888888 – Thank you for the topic! This is a topic always on our minds: Why isn’t it working for me yet?!!!!!

I think the answer that I’ve been saying to myself and it’s helping is: It’s going to take as long as it takes.

What will be my path? Who knows? Try everything that appeals to you and Try it for a long time.

My gut feel at this point is that every single thing you do to work on your TMS is sinking in. Sooner or later, You’ll get it right. I also think there needs to be a balance between thinking about it and doing something about it. If you’re lopsided on that— All you do is think about it— you probably won’t get as far as you want to. (You can’t just journal and read books; you also have to try and exercise and do scary things.)

The best way to be happy is just to recognize that this is a very special and unique journey to be on. (You could be in the medical maze, lost and miserable, on your fifth surgery.) We are actually part of a revolution! Can you stand it?! :D
 
Diana-M said:
I also think there needs to be a balance between thinking about it and doing something about it. If you’re lopsided on that— All you do is think about it— you probably won’t get as far as you want to. (You can’t just journal and read books; you also have to try and exercise and do scary things.)
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This.
 
Nicole Sachs' latest podcast is short at just 32 minutes, and it's on point @m8888888, because she illustrates why and how she deals with flares and setbacks - just like we all do. And there is no greater success story than Nicole's original recovery story.

S4 E12 No One is Coming to Save You (said with love) March 21, 2025

For Nicole's entire back story including her time with Dr Sarno, there is her book launch episode:
S4 E6: LIVE FROM THE 92nd STREET Y - Dr. Sarno and the Book that Will Change Your Life February 06, 2025

And all of the others that you can scroll through or search by keyword here
https://www.yourbreakawake.com/podcasts/the-cure-for-chronic-pain-with-nicole-sachs-lcsw-2 (The Cure for Chronic Pain with Nicole Sachs, LCSW)
 
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