Struggling

I feeling discouraged today. I have feet pain and have been working on TMS for 5 months now. I see a therapist and did a 4 week TMS class and now am doing the SEP (Day 11). This past weekend we went shopping and I felt my pain seemed less than normal. I know I shouldn't let me emotions rise and fall with good/less good days, but it's hard not too. I felt cautiously optimistic after the shopping outing!

But today it was super nice here in Chicago and I took my 2 1/2 year old out for a walk. I went in the walk not really thinking much about it. I went into it like I went into the shopping trip a few days ago, but within 20 minutes the pain was creeping up. I tried to tell myself the same messages I said while shopping, but the pain worsened. I sat a little but had to walk all the way back to my house and was in so much pain. I have no idea why it would be different that it was at the mall. I'm discouraged that this is just how it is for me.

Now that I type that, I wonder if the therapist didn't put that into my head. I saw her Friday and she said something like, 'what if this pain doesn't go away?' what if this is just 'your thing'. She said everyone has stuff and maybe this is just my thing. She said I seem very active in spite of the pain. All true things but I'm hoping the TMS work will decrease my pain and that it doesn't have to be this way for me. I did have the good shopping day the very next day after the appt.

I'm rambling, but I'm just discouraged today and wondering if this will be yet another thing I tried that did not work for my pain.

 

I know the doubt feeling all to well in my recovery in the beginning. What I learned is that you can't have one foot in and one out, its a all or nothing k8nd of thing. You have to believe fully you have tms. Your posts above has a lot of doubt, but don't give up.

Hope is crucial in life. Nothing is impossible, you will heal when you are ready. THe more you let go and stop fearing and monitoring the pain, the more it loses its power over you. Always think pchysiological not physical. Look at how you react to day to day life and relationships, including the relationship with yourself. Keep looking and doors will open and have some patience. Some people take years to heal so don't give up. Tms healing is non linear filled with many ups and downs.

Maybe try to take a break and not do anything tms related. go have fun and do something you enjoy, connect with people. Trying to heal so much can lead to the tmsing tendency of trying to control everything. You almost become obsessing about doing so many things to heal and looking for the magic healing bullet, when essentially you are feeding the tms beast with attention. wishing you best of luck and hope you get some break through soon. Let the light come through. We are what we believe.

Ryan

 

Hi WantToBelieve,
I don't think this was very helpful, the words of the therapist. As Ryan says, you have to work with the fear.

When the pain returns, have you tried talking to your mind/body? What helped me was saying loudly: Stop the foot pain, I am willing to feel my emotions!" with each step. I found almost instant relief with this.

This is such good news to have a noticeable difference. Remember this. It only took a few exceptions to my pain patterns, and me contemplating these times, that the TMS lost a lot of its punch. It is natural to feel hopeful. Enjoy that hopefulness! It doesn't bring on more pain, in my opinion!! You may judge yourself that you were gullible or emotional, but that is just the Inner Critic.

Andy B.

 

wwantto believe, Ryan's advice is great. Take a vacation from thinking about your pain and
the TMS reasons that cause it. We're in Easter Week. Whether you're Christian or not, it's a
happy time because it reminds us that spring is here, and life is renewed. Take time off now to
just enjoy being alive. Few of us feel no pain, anxiety, or stress. We have to focus on
"smelling the tulips." Happy Easter, everyone!

 

Thanks everyone for taking the time to write!! Andy...I somehow need to do what you say and remember the noticeable difference. I always seem to discount it or reason away why it couldn't have really been an improvement. I want it to be but I want it to be a 'hit me over the head' obvious improvement. Such improvement that I couldn't possibly question it. I know I probably won't get that right off the bat and HAVE to find joy in the small improvement and believe it's TMS.

Walt, I am Christiand we have a wonderful weekend ahead with family in town and lots of fun with my little 2 1/2 year old at Easter egg hunts, chruch, coloring eggs etc. I will find lots of joy in this for sure!

Ryan - everyone keeps mentioning fear. I don't believe I have fear when it comes to my pain. Am I wrong? Am I missing something?

thanks again everyone!

 

Fear is sneaky, you saying this is another thing that may not work comes from a place of fear. If you truly didn't fear the pain and not care, it would lose its power over you to keep your attention. It's a hard battle to overcome but it can be done. Read some of the fear posts in ask a tms therapists section on the forum.

Try not focusing on the body and find your purpose in life, we all have one.

Ryan

 

Ryan is right about the fear piece. This quote above may help you zero in on fear. Something starts, and then it is creeping. Try to nip the creeping in the bud!! You do this by really addressing the pain when it arises. Dismiss it. Don't wait for it to creep up.

 

Want to believe, when I first had an almost instant cure of my foot pain I started walking for exercise again. Usually it was ok while walking, but my foot hurt afterward. I would use that time to talk to my brain saying, my foot is fine, there is nothing wrong, emotional stuff is what is wrong, nothing physical. I didn't have this go on for very long, but I let the pain be a reminder to talk to myself. Talk the talk about no fear, your brain is listening to what you say.

 

Hi, Lizzy. You are doing great, practicing what Steve Ozanich writes in his book
The Great Pain Deception. He played golf despite the pains he had in his back and legs
and it helped a lot in his healing, besides believing 100 percent that his pains were
from TMS repressed emotions. His stemmed from anger, even rage, over a doctor's
malpractice that left his wife in a wheelchair and never expected to walk again.

 

Thank you Walt, when I first started looking at this forum, you and others who were encouraging others gave me hope. I remember thinking I want to help others like they are doing. I am still learning from you true gurus. Thank you!

I hope to read Steve's book soon, I have heard so many good things about it. I didn't know about his wife. That would generate alot of rage.