Struggling

[jtperks]

Hello I have worked at a computer for the last 10 years and in the last three or four weeks I noticed that I started developing RSI in both arms and hands. It's not so much pain as it is a feeling of heaviness like my forearm muscles are fatigued and are sort of weak. I went to the doctor and he did a physical exam on me and said I was fine but he didn't take any x-rays or do any blood work he just checked for weakness. But I do have an appointment with the neurologist in January; until then I am sort of left wondering what's going on.

My symptoms are almost always exactly the same in both arms -- for example if it's the top of my forearms that are feeling sore and weak then it'll happen in both of them and when it jumps instead to maybe my wrists or to the bottom of my arms - it almost always happens exactly the same in both arms at the same time. And it jumps around quite frequently but it's always in my forearms, wrist, or hands and mostly just one of those at a time although it happens in both arms simultaneously.

The RSI thing is hard to swallow because it's more weakness feeling then it is pins and needles and pain.

But I am leaning towards it being an RSI injury and if it is in RSI injury I am 95% convinced that it is TMS. In other words if I find out it's just an RSI I'm not gonna bother with massages -- I believe it's psychological.

I've had two instances of success so far:

1. Something came up that I was super anxious about and I realized that because my mind was preoccupied on this new thing that my pain subsided and was probably 90% gone during that evening.

2. Another time, I just told myself I could care less about my symptoms and I was just going to power through and I felt really great that day and night with minimal pain or weakness.

I'm trying to re-create the scenario Number two but I'm really struggling to do it now and I just sort of feel like I'm getting worse.

I'm also journaling every day but after four days I sort of feel like I've covered everything I possibly can and I'm really reaching for stuff.

The one thing I've been dwelling on in my journals is that although I routinely get some of the highest review scores at work I have a personality type that makes me feel like I'm the dumbest one in that office and that if I don't learn this computer programming language that I've been working on I'm going to be totally useless and nobody will hire me.

Even though I've wrote about that once, should I continue dwelling on that one issue in my journals?

Anyway any advice somebody can give me would be great. I feel like I am close at times with this TMS thing, and then other times I feel like I'm A million miles away.

 

[blake]

Hi jtperks and welcome to the forum,

Sounds like you're making headway with the journaling. Once you've ruled out any medical problem with your doctor, you should continue down that road. There is a structured education program on the wiki forum which helps us understand tms and provides daily journaling exercises. It helped me tremendously and it's totally free. It also sounds like you may have the perfectionist personality trait. I have that and have been able to get it under control with this program.

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi jtperks.

You're doing fine. I don't think you have to keep journaling about your prefectionist personality. You can do to other things
from there... repressed emotions that may go back to your childhood. They may be why you are a perfectionist. I'm a
perfectionist too, but I'm learning to modify it. Not expect so much of myself.

 

[jtperks]

Thank you Walt and Blake. Because I have to wait so long for my appt, I'm proceeding as if this is TMS (I do have the classic RSI symptoms). That will make this harder, because I don't know for a FACT that I don't have something medically wrong. I'm going to keep trucking along, doing the SEP exercises. My arms still hurt, but my attitude has changed from one of desperation and hope, to one of faith and optimism. Looking forward to the day I can write my success story.

 

[Colly]

Hi JT

I'm sure Forest has been champing at the bit to reply to this, because he too suffered from RSI, so I'm going to barge in and send this on his behalf. This youtube started me on my TMS recovery because I too had RSI. His honest and warm delivery was what gave ME hope that my so-called RSI was in fact this mysterious thing called TMS.

Your symptoms jumping around is a classic TMS strategy. RSI as the good doctor (Sarno) tells us IS TMS. Now you know, so now build on those moments of hope you experienced, albeit perhaps fleeting.

When I've experienced TMS pain for days and weeks on end, I would get so elated when I had fleeting pain-free moments, knowing my nervous system was calm enough to let the healing in. Those fleeting moments for you will get longer and longer, once you surrender to the pain and accept it as temporary. Once you stress or ramp up any tension/anxiety/fear, the healing door slams shut in the breeze. Don't be hard on yourself at work; you're appreciated for your hard work... you have regular reminders of this!

Have faith in your body's ability to heal. Do some mind-soothing exercises when you get home from work. I'd recommend Dr Emmett Miller's many audio recordings.

You're on the right track... Winston Churchill once said "if you're going through hell, keep going"!

Cheers, Colly

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I have found that deep breathing is the best and fastest way to heal any pain or anxiety.
It helps me to live in the present moment and then to LAUGH.
Sometimes I scream before I laugh, but I always end up laughing. It is very calming
and puts the doo-doo of life in proper perspective.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

I love Forest's healing video.

 

[jtperks]

Thanks Colly and Walt.

I finally saw the neurologist today. He was unimpressed with my weakness, so much so that he didn't even want to bother getting an EMG on it. He said that I seemed stronger than he was. He wants to get an MRI to rule out MS, even though he totally would be shocked if that turned out to be the case. The reason he thinks about MS, is because out of nowhere last week, one of my feet started feeling weak. And he says that wierd changing around of symptoms is a characteristic of MS. (Of course, it could also be TMS).

I am going to get the MRI, but the fact that the neurologist only half believes that I have a problem, gives me hope that this is TMS and not something serious. If it is TMS, then I should rejoice that my foot is acting up, because then that's just my brain coming up with new places for me to focus, since one of my hands got better and I thought I was starting to be out of the woods.

So now I got one bad hand that feels totally weak, (the non-dominant hand -- seriously, why would this hand still be bothering me if it was RSI, I barely use the thing), and the other hand got better, probably it's at 90% of what it was. But now I got a wierd weakness feeling in my left foot, like it's hard to lift it.

So what am I doing about it? I journal when things bother me, but for the most part, I continue to read Sarno (and my favorite -- The Great Pain Deception), but the thing I still feel I have to master is not giving my physical ailments so much of my attention, and I definitely need to stop fearing that I have some sort of progressive life-threatening disease.

 

[Gigi]

Hi JT, and welcome!
Seems like your two instances support your contention that this is TMS.
Because I struggle with several chronic physical issues, I'm always questioning whether something is an organic problem, or my overactive subconscious at work. Sometimes timing is my clue. For example, I work in a middle school, and just returned Monday after two weeks off. My TMS was in overdrive through yesterday--and I love my job!!
I agree with Blake who recommended the Structured Educational Program. I found it to be time well spent.
Blessings on your journey!

 

[Andy Bayliss]

JT,
I hope the MS diagnosis is a big negative and you can move with more confidence into full TMS healing mode. You are very brave and very committed to the Sarno approach, that is apparent.

but the thing I still feel I have to master is not giving my physical ailments so much of my attention, and I definitely need to stop fearing that I have some sort of progressive life-threatening disease.

For me this is a long-term process, to think psychological at every moment. I hope you can patient with yourself and admire the progress you are making. When we take on a mind-body approach, we step into a new world, and this can take a little time...
Andy

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Andy B. Gigi and JTperks are right. Try not to think so much about your pain, or to worry about it being life-theatening.
It sure sounds like TMS to me. You need to do the journaling to discover the repressed emotions that are causing your symptoms.
It's a Mindbody thing. Keep positive, telling yourself you are working on discovering the psychological causes of your pain.
I journaled for several weeks before I discovered the main reasons for my TMS back pain. I had repressed them since my boyhood.
Journaling about my feelings of being abandoned, neglected, bullied by my father and older brother, led me to understanding
that they had their own TMS repressed emotions and were taking them out on me. That led to me forgiving them (mentally,
because both had passed on by the time I learned about TMS).

Don't obsess about your pain or other symptoms. Try not to think about the past or future. Live in the present moment
and enjoy every moment of every day. Breathe deeply and LAUGH.