Hi everyone! This is Day 1 of the program for me and even though I'm normally very reluctant to share things about me openly, I think it might be time for me to make some changes in my life all around.
BACKGROUND ON ME:
I've always had massive health anxiety, even as a child. It's always the same cycle: I read about something or feel an unfamiliar sensation in my body, start to become hyperfocused on it, do more research to find out about worst case scenarios, promptly develop symptoms for said worst case scenarios, and then spend weeks or months in a sort of mental prison that sucks all the joy out of my life. I read two of Dr. Sarno's books yesterday and like many of you, it seems, I am the exact personality type he describes. I'm a massive people-pleaser, would bite off my tongue before criticizing my family/friends or asking for help, and am generally a do-gooder and perfectionist.
THE ISSUE:
What I'm struggling with is that this time, I actually got a diagnosis that appeared to match my symptoms. 2.5 years ago I developed awful neck and arm pain along with numbness in my right hand (ring and pinky finger in particular) and was referred to a neurosurgeon. An MRI showed three bulging discs in my neck, one of which was said to "press on a nerve," and mild to moderate stenosis in my spinal canal. My surgeon decided a conservative approach was still a good idea and I embarked on the usual odyssey of physical therapy, massages, etc. I was in a ton of pain for a good 3-4 months, then it started to subside and I slowly made progress, but wasn't completely pain-free until about 1.5 years after the initial onset. I'm currently in the second "flare-up" with little pain, but numbness in my right hand and oddly in my right foot on occasion. I've once again convinced myself that this is the beginning of the end and that either surgery or paralysis are pretty much inevitable (it's how my mind seems to work, straight from minor symptoms to total catastrophe). In the last few weeks of completely obsessing about this recent bout of symptoms, I've added dizziness, perceived weakness in arm and leg (though I can do everything normally, it just FEELS off and I get sore more easily), and odd flashing pains and tingling pretty much anywhere in my body, along with pain in my wrists, fingers and knees on both sides.
MY STRUGGLE:
I was officially diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and cervical radiculopathy 2.5 years ago. Since then, I've had period of being completely pain free followed by "flare-ups." Physical therapy seemed to really help, but also revealed that there didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to my symptoms. For instance, working on my thoracic spine helped, but working on my neck didn't. Nerve pain didn't match the location of the "problematic" discs exactly and would move, including from one side to the other (which led me to imagine that my whole spine is surely by now disintegrating to produce such random symptoms).
I did notice during my first bout with this that stress definitely worsens my symptoms and that despite physical therapy, I only seemed to start to get better when I stopped obsessing about symptoms all day and actually made an attempt to relax and go live my life. This - along with my personality type and my existing patterns of "manifesting" symptoms in the past - is what has me seriously considering that I don't have anything physically going on so much as it could be TMS.
My problem is that FEAR has a massive grip on me and even though I'm 95% convinced this is psychological, the obsessive thoughts about a structural problems keep rearing their ugly heads. I definitely overanalyze everything! I also realized from reading this forum that I'm absolutely guilty of obsessively trying to research answers to every little symptom and detail of my body as well as seeking reassurance that I'm okay. Those are the things I'm trying to work on first, but it's a struggle.
MY QUESTION:
To be honest, initially I was going to ask if anyone else had similar symptoms or experiences and had had success with Dr. Sarno's methods. But I'm starting to realize that no one can truly give me the reassurance I'm seeking and while that's hard to comprehend for my brain, I think I need to work on accepting this. Instead, I'm wondering if anyone has tips for how to keep my mind from obsessing about symptoms and what else has helped them shed the fear associated with their bodies. I'm doing the structured program, I'm journaling, I'm breathing, and I'm reading Dr. Sarno's book every day, but obviously I'm still at the very beginning of this journey.
If you've read this far, I truly thank you for taking the time! I'm anxious but hopeful for this journey.
A
BACKGROUND ON ME:
I've always had massive health anxiety, even as a child. It's always the same cycle: I read about something or feel an unfamiliar sensation in my body, start to become hyperfocused on it, do more research to find out about worst case scenarios, promptly develop symptoms for said worst case scenarios, and then spend weeks or months in a sort of mental prison that sucks all the joy out of my life. I read two of Dr. Sarno's books yesterday and like many of you, it seems, I am the exact personality type he describes. I'm a massive people-pleaser, would bite off my tongue before criticizing my family/friends or asking for help, and am generally a do-gooder and perfectionist.
THE ISSUE:
What I'm struggling with is that this time, I actually got a diagnosis that appeared to match my symptoms. 2.5 years ago I developed awful neck and arm pain along with numbness in my right hand (ring and pinky finger in particular) and was referred to a neurosurgeon. An MRI showed three bulging discs in my neck, one of which was said to "press on a nerve," and mild to moderate stenosis in my spinal canal. My surgeon decided a conservative approach was still a good idea and I embarked on the usual odyssey of physical therapy, massages, etc. I was in a ton of pain for a good 3-4 months, then it started to subside and I slowly made progress, but wasn't completely pain-free until about 1.5 years after the initial onset. I'm currently in the second "flare-up" with little pain, but numbness in my right hand and oddly in my right foot on occasion. I've once again convinced myself that this is the beginning of the end and that either surgery or paralysis are pretty much inevitable (it's how my mind seems to work, straight from minor symptoms to total catastrophe). In the last few weeks of completely obsessing about this recent bout of symptoms, I've added dizziness, perceived weakness in arm and leg (though I can do everything normally, it just FEELS off and I get sore more easily), and odd flashing pains and tingling pretty much anywhere in my body, along with pain in my wrists, fingers and knees on both sides.
MY STRUGGLE:
I was officially diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and cervical radiculopathy 2.5 years ago. Since then, I've had period of being completely pain free followed by "flare-ups." Physical therapy seemed to really help, but also revealed that there didn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to my symptoms. For instance, working on my thoracic spine helped, but working on my neck didn't. Nerve pain didn't match the location of the "problematic" discs exactly and would move, including from one side to the other (which led me to imagine that my whole spine is surely by now disintegrating to produce such random symptoms).
I did notice during my first bout with this that stress definitely worsens my symptoms and that despite physical therapy, I only seemed to start to get better when I stopped obsessing about symptoms all day and actually made an attempt to relax and go live my life. This - along with my personality type and my existing patterns of "manifesting" symptoms in the past - is what has me seriously considering that I don't have anything physically going on so much as it could be TMS.
My problem is that FEAR has a massive grip on me and even though I'm 95% convinced this is psychological, the obsessive thoughts about a structural problems keep rearing their ugly heads. I definitely overanalyze everything! I also realized from reading this forum that I'm absolutely guilty of obsessively trying to research answers to every little symptom and detail of my body as well as seeking reassurance that I'm okay. Those are the things I'm trying to work on first, but it's a struggle.
MY QUESTION:
To be honest, initially I was going to ask if anyone else had similar symptoms or experiences and had had success with Dr. Sarno's methods. But I'm starting to realize that no one can truly give me the reassurance I'm seeking and while that's hard to comprehend for my brain, I think I need to work on accepting this. Instead, I'm wondering if anyone has tips for how to keep my mind from obsessing about symptoms and what else has helped them shed the fear associated with their bodies. I'm doing the structured program, I'm journaling, I'm breathing, and I'm reading Dr. Sarno's book every day, but obviously I'm still at the very beginning of this journey.
If you've read this far, I truly thank you for taking the time! I'm anxious but hopeful for this journey.
A
