Struggling today

Today I find myself struggling emotionally with this work . Maybe I’m being inpatient with the progress and I know I need to give it time as I’ve only been on this Mindbody journey since the end of Feb 2022 . I’ve read the books , I’m seeing a TMS therapist virtually, I’ve resumed some physical activities by going to yoga and joined aquafit (went 4 times this week) this is by far the most active I’ve been in 3 years of having back pain . I listen to podcasts , I walk 40 min through out the week . My progress seems to go up and down , I can sometimes go most of the day with very little pain ( very little pain when I do yoga, aquafit and walking) but yet I go shopping last night for a 5 hrs with a friend and I had the worst pain ever . I kept talking to myself in my head that I was doing great and telling myself I was safe etc but the pain was awful . I have good days and bad days . I realize you can’t put a time frame on this journey but I’m sitting here crying wondering when my life of this never ending cycle will end . I want nothing more to just feel normal again. To not have that lingering feeling of pain in my back . When I do have the days that I feel great , I feel so amazing and think oh my god what I would give to feel like this all the time , so carefree and positive and want to do so much . But then the days like today where I’m feeling pain I try so hard to stay positive and use all my tools that I’ve been taught . Some day I just feel frustrated and wonder when will it end . Not sure what I’m looking for here today , maybe just some reassurance or a kind word from someone to tell me what I’m feeling is normal and that it will get better .
Thanks

 

I understand how you feel, and felt the same way many times along the way. Unfortunately, the journey for most of us from TMS symptoms to a lasting recovery is not a straight line. There are many ups and downs and it is normal to feel frustrated and disappointed along the way. Just try not to lose faith. I think the best way to do this is to read Success Stories on this Forum or elsewhere. Most describe a period of ups and downs, but ultimately the symptom-free times grow and the TMS symptom time decreases. In my experience, it is key to not observe this too closely. I find that TMS leaves when I'm not watching. Just consistently work one of the programs available for about an hour a day, and then put it aside and go about living your life. One day you will have an observation that you haven't felt pain in a few days, or you're not even sure when the last day of pain was.

You'll get there. Keep going and know we are here to support you along the way. So keep asking questions and for support whenever you need it, dear.

 

Indeed, we all have our setbacks. In the early part of this journey, setbacks can be pretty intense as your fearful brain fights back against your attempts to experience something other than fear (what Dr. Sarno refers to as the Symptom Imperative).

The techniques I use for bad days are:
breathing, drinking water, and mindful body relaxation (full-on meditation if you can do it, but even a minute can be surprisingly effective);
talking back to my fearful brain;
free-writing or listing what's on my mind.

It's interesting that you had such bad symptoms after an afternoon out with a friend. This could be your brain trying to warn you against going out into the risky world, or just trying to get your attention back on your fears instead of going out and having fun. These things can be addressed with constructive back-talk to your brain. Or perhaps there is a deeper fear or some kind of emotion associated with the activity or the friend, which would be better addressed with some writing. These techniques are addressed in the resources you've mentioned, as well as our programs as @Ellen mentioned.

~Jan