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Struggling to Stay on Track with the TMS Approach

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okaoka

Peer Supporter
I've been dealing with anal discomfort for years. I've tried the TMS approach and, at times, I truly feel convinced that it's the cause—there are moments when I can clearly see the connection between stress, emotions, and the sensations. But then there are other times when it feels undeniably physical, and I start to doubt everything again.

That’s been the hardest part for me: staying consistently convinced that it’s TMS. From what I understand, this conviction is essential. Doubt, and the tendency to treat it physically, seems to undermine the process. But when you feel this discomfort daily—often multiple times a day—it’s incredibly difficult not to fall back into old patterns of fear, doubt, and searching for a structural explanation.

I’ve been living like this for years now. Even though I try to carry on with life, it’s something that bothers me often throughout the day. I guess I’m just reaching out to share where I’m at with this. Maybe others have been in the same spot—caught between moments of clarity and waves of confusion.
 
This is typical TMS trying to make you doubt that it's actually TMS and that you need to believe 100% or else! I am assuming you have seen a doctor and been told there is "nothing wrong." At this point it's time to do the TMS work. You mentioned that you've tried the TMS approach. What are you doing to help work with the emotions and learning more about TMS? Have you tried the SEP program on this site?

But to answer your main question-you don't have to believe 100% that's it's TMS. In fact, I've had new pain come up that I've never dealt with before, went to the doctor, and then been told there is nothing wrong and immediately knew it was TMS pulling a fast one on me! So you can even mistaken that something is wrong for a little bit and then realize it is TMS! But it's time now to stop doubting and start of program of some kind that helps you deal with your emotions as you learn more about TMS. I highly recommend the SEP if you haven't started it yet.
 
Unfortunately this is a part of the game. I’m assuming you’ve been check out medically and nothing was found. When you say it feels physical, that doesn’t preclude it from being TMS. The brain creates literally every sensation that we feel, and even in the instance of TMS, physiological changes happen, whether through immune response or muscle tension etc.

The issue here is that you’re caught in the loop. Make some progress, have a flare up, panic, start obsessively researching and scanning your body, symptom settle and repeat. I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s not, especially in areas of our body that we are naturally sensitive with. But you’re going to have to change the way you perceive and respond to the flare ups. They’re your ticket out of this. They’re when you’re going to have to ground down, respond calmly and talk to yourself in a kind way, that means no catastrophizing, no researching, no obsessing.

As joule mentioned you definitely want to examine the underlying emotions and thought patterns and traumas that have contributed to throwing your nervous system over the threshold. But you can do a lifetime of emotional work and not change how you react to the symptoms and thus never see any progress. Both need to be done.

And yes I’ve been where you are at. Scrotal discomfort was my first chronic symptom and as soon as I learned about TMS I believe almost 100% that that’s what it was. And that resolved pretty much entirely just from responding better to the sensations. I developed TMJ shortly after becoming TMS aware in February and pretty much went through what you describe, believing it to be TMS and wavering and panicking at the pain and think it being structural. But now I’m back towards nearing 100% belief, and I’ve actually made some progress during the flare ups, mainly in how I respond to them and not constantly scanning my body, touching my jaw, adjusting my jaw etc.

you also should keep an evidence log if possible. I’ll share an anecdote of good evidence example. I was training a dog this morning and talking a lot, my jaw started spasming, issues talking p-stuttering mumbling etc, obviously discomfort increases and some fear, whatever I responded well. While biking home from training I got hit by a car (was fine but my bike got messed up), I kinda turned into a rabid animal screaming at the person (they were driving the wrong way lol), no issues with my jaw whatsoever, no mumbling. Would that be possible if it was a true structural issue? You need to find those moments, does the pain go away when you’re having fun or talking with someone you care about? Does it go away in the bath or when exercising? Does the pain move, is it gone when you first wake up? Find those moments and latch on to them. Embrace the flare ups and be kind to yourself, gas yourself up how resilient you are.
 
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Rabscuttle said:
While biking home from training I got hit by a car (was fine but my bike got messed up), I kinda turned into a rabid animal screaming at the person (they were driving the wrong way lol), no issues with my jaw whatsoever, no mumbling. Would that be possible if it was a true structural issue? You need to find those moments, does the pain go away when you’re having fun or talking with someone you care about?
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Oh my gosh @Rabscuttle I'm glad you are ok!!

@okaoka I second making the evidence list. That really kept my belief going when I started doing the SEP.
 
You don't need to consistently believe - it's a lot of self pressure to think you are "wrong" or not "good enough" to be successful when you have a doubtful thought. However you need to consistently do the work, over time and incorporate it into your lifestyle to help reduce these thoughts.
An evidence list is excellent - as is the insight and understanding it brings to your habits, thought and stress patterns as well as triggers. That's the very beginning of the work. @Rabscuttle is very correct in their assessment of the circles of doom thinking one can get caught up in. The fear/pain cycle can be a hampster wheel for TMS.
If you've either not done TMS work or you haven't done it in awhile, I suggest you begin the SEP, free here at TMSWIKI.org and either learn or refresh yourself on the skills you need to deal with TMS - begin to recognize when you hop on that hamster wheel and let those thoughts play out a bit. Allow yourself to feel the fear and frustration.
Then decide whether you are going to keep living in that state of mind, or if you can picture yourself completely and wholey well, doing all the things you might choose to do if you had no symptoms. You want to balance feeling all the hard crappy stuff and leaning into your subconscious anger (and other hard feelings) sources as well as finding ways to enjoy life while you do this work.
 
Rabscuttle said:
no issues with my jaw whatsoever, no mumbling. Would that be possible if it was a true structural issue? You need to find those moments, does the pain go away when you’re having fun or talking with someone you care about? Does it go away in the bath or when exercising? Does the pain move, is it gone when you first wake up? Find those moments and latch on to them. Embrace the flare ups and be kind to yourself, gas yourself up how resilient you are.
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YES, I have those moments, its mostly gone when i wake up, its go away sometimes if i am really having fun (but not always, its getting worst when i play PlayStation competitive games, I know, fight or flight right?, and also when exercising) but its always more noticeable when sitting and it makes me almost convinced its a muscle spasm, and I know its also can be TMS.
 
I’m quite familiar with SEP and have tried it before. The difficulty I face is that I’ve already done extensive reading about TMS, so a lot of the material feels repetitive and like a review of things I already understand. Because of that, it’s been hard to find new insights or approaches that resonate with me. I also gave journaling a fair shot, but unfortunately, I didn’t notice much benefit from it.
nice people here recommended me to try journalism and I did but I really did not feel am "aha moment" when or after journaling.
there was one thing I felt was helping a bit and its surrender or allowing.
 
I can't help to think that my muscle is in spasm and I need to do something about it, like massage it, botox, or biofeedback.
but my inner self tells me don't do more interventions in the area.
yes, i know, i am confusing.
 
okaoka said:
there was one thing I felt was helping a bit and its surrender or allowing.
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This isn't nothing, @okaoka - If this is speaking to you, then go with it. Nicole Sachs has this quote at the start of her new book, which she attributes to someone named Danielle LaPorte: Transformation begins with the radical acceptance of what is.

When I was quickly looking up that quote, Google's AI overview came up with the following which I think is quite helpful:

The quote "transformation begins with the radical acceptance of what is" suggests that true change and personal growth start with acknowledging and accepting reality, even when it's difficult or unwanted. It emphasizes letting go of the struggle against what cannot be changed and focusing on responding to it constructively.
Here's a more detailed explanation:​
  • Radical Acceptance:
    This concept, rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), involves fully accepting reality as it is, without judgment or attempts to change it. It doesn't mean you approve of the situation, but rather that you stop resisting what is and focus on how to respond to it.
  • Letting Go of Control:
    Transformation often requires letting go of the illusion of control over situations or outcomes that are beyond our influence. Radical acceptance helps with this by acknowledging what is and releasing the need to control it.
  • Shifting Focus:
    Instead of dwelling on what we cannot change, radical acceptance allows us to shift our focus to what we can control: our thoughts, feelings, and actions. This shift can lead to a more constructive and empowering approach to challenges.
  • Inner Peace and Growth:
    By accepting the present moment, even if it's painful or challenging, we can reduce emotional suffering and create space for inner peace and personal growth. This allows us to move forward with greater clarity and resilience.
  • Examples:
    This could involve accepting a difficult situation at work, accepting a personal loss, or accepting a relationship dynamic that needs to change.
  • Not Approval:
    It's important to remember that radical acceptance doesn't mean condoning or agreeing with a situation or behavior. It simply means acknowledging it as a reality and choosing how to respond.
In essence, radical acceptance is a powerful tool for navigating life's challenges, fostering resilience, and creating space for positive change. ​
 
Thank you,

I wanted to write more about allowing. I think it was one of Sam's videos that introduce me to that concept, it was shared here by someone sometime ago.
the idea of surrendering I forgot where I learn it from but its not important I guess.
I don't know exactly why, but I felt good with the surrendering and allowing practice and then I watched more of Sam's videos about it and got confused!
then I stopped to practice that, I need to get back on track I guess.
 
The problem imo, is that you still have this huge fear around the sensation. You still find the urge to examine, to research, to massage etc. you may have evidence but are you getting enough to really commit to the belief? Why would the brain switch up its strategy if what it’s throwing at you is working and keeping you distracted and in the loop? Once that fear really starts to lessen the brain will feel it has to change up what it throws at you and then momentum can build.

I really like Dan Buglio’s methods of getting over the fear of the sensations.

and your muscle very likely is in a spasm, this is all entirely well within the realm of possibility of what the TMS brain is capable of doing. If you had the equivalent of a spasm or cramp in an area you care less about like the arm or leg, would you immediately go into a panic and start researching and trying to manage it physically, or would you just rest for a bit, ignore it and go about your life?

if nothing else, examine how you are talking to yourself on a day to day hour to hour minute to minute basis. We could very well be the tiger that the TMS brain is try to distract us from

here’s a good success story with what sounds like similar symptoms if you need that specific support to believe more.

 
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Rabscuttle said:
The problem imo, is that you still have this huge fear around the sensation. You still find the urge to examine, to research, to massage etc. you may have evidence but are you getting enough to really commit to the belief? Why would the brain switch up its strategy if what it’s throwing at you is working and keeping you distracted and in the loop? Once that fear really starts to lessen the brain will feel it has to change up what it throws at you and then momentum can build.

I really like Dan Butlio’s methods of getting over the fear of the sensations.
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its true, i have already decided many times to go to see a doctor that specialize in pelvic issues and maybe getting treatment there just to cancel it every time. now i am considering again because I will go for a vacation soon and I am stressed about it. I guess if the clinic was at my city and doesn't have to drive 2 hours for one direction I would already go to see her.
now i want to search for a place that have biofeedback at my city...
so yes, i agree, fear is a big issue in this situation.
 
okaoka said:
its true, i have already decided many times to go to see a doctor that specialize in pelvic issues and maybe getting treatment there just to cancel it every time. now i am considering again because I will go for a vacation soon and I am stressed about it. I guess if the clinic was at my city and doesn't have to drive 2 hours for one direction I would already go to see her.
now i want to search for a place that have biofeedback at my city...
so yes, i agree, fear is a big issue in this situation.
Click to expand...

If you’ve already been checked out and they found nothing, what do you hope to achieve with this Dr? you’re removing your agency and putting faith in someone else other than you. Maybe you need to go through that, to realize that no one but you can save you. But you can save your self a lot of hassle by not getting back on the medical merry go round and really committing to the work. And if down the road you truly see no results then the modern medical model is always there waiting for us.
 
Rabscuttle said:
If you had the equivalent of a spasm or cramp in an area you care less about like the arm or leg, would you immediately go into a panic and start researching and trying to manage it physically, or would you just rest for a bit, ignore it and go about your life?
Click to expand...
i guess i wouldnt care and just let it be
 
"While biking home from training I got hit by a car (was fine but my bike got messed up), I kinda turned into a rabid animal screaming at the person (they were driving the wrong way lol), no issues with my jaw whatsoever, no mumbling. Would that be possible if it was a true structural issue? You need to find those moments, does the pain go away when you’re having fun or talking with someone you care about? Does it go away in the bath or when exercising? Does the pain move, is it gone when you first wake up? Find those moments and latch on to them. Embrace the flare ups and be kind to yourself, gas yourself up how resilient you are."

What an absolutely appropriate response and ability to feel that rightful rage. Glad you are ok!
 
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