Struggling to escape hip pain

Hi! My name is Kerry and unfortunately I am only 17 and I have already been through the worst of TMS. I am a serious dancer (I dance around 20 hours a week) and I switched studios this year to get more serious training, which I believe caused me stress and repressed emotions because it was so challenging and I was no longer the best at my studio. I had to work a lot harder than ever before! It first started with a case of tendinitis in my foot- it began as a mild pain in my achilles but I had a bad doctor who put me in a boot, which convinced me that my symptoms were so much worse than they were and led my pain to spread and become debilitating. My physical therapist was not much help either, and continued to convince me I was inflicting pain upon myself through dance and that I was way more seriously injured than I was. That case laster for several months up until I had my first occurance with hip and IT band pain. I ended up getting hit really hard by hip pain one week out of the blue when I was actually on a break from dance and I ended up really anxious as a result. Luckily it decreased in time for my prom but soon after returned and became even more debilitating. I started spending what felt like hours everyday rolling and stretching my hips out (which I now know DEFINITELY worsened my symptoms). I was fully convinced that it was a physical issue I had inflicted upon myself by pushing myself too hard in ballet- but it made no sense that it worsened the longer I didn't dance. Pain hit my knee on and off as well and I thought that my "tight" IT band was pulling on it. Around a very stressful time of the year (finals at school + dance performances + difficulties with my friends) I became the worst I had ever been. I got hit by scapular pain, neck pain, and pain all down my right arm HARD. I started having panic attacks on the daily because I was in so much pain and it made me unable to study at all (I ended up with some pretty awful grades on my finals) or perform in my shows which was devastating. I now know for a fact that this was TMS because just days after school ended I felt almost 100% and I was able to dance even. It took about a month more of rest to convince myself I was ok because I needed to feel like I was fully rested and healed (I now really regret taking this time off because I absolutely should have been dancing, and I was allowing my body to remain in pain by constantly sitting around telling myself I was recovering from an injury i didn't have). Anyways, all of this brings me to about now. After this whole incidence, my hip pain returned. I began ballet again and 2 days in, my hips hurt HORRIBLY. I definitely put myself in an unsafe position (forcing my turnout, if anyone understands dance terminology) but I mentally feared injuring myself so much that my mind took what was probably some minor inflammation to the next level leaving me debilitated. I was feeling fine again after 5 days and I good talking to from my PT telling me there couldn't be any structural damage. However, this keeps reoccurring every time I think I could have put myself in a potential place for injury by doing too much ballet or pushing myself into an unnatural position (all of ballet is unnatural though and these positions usually aren't painful, my brain just seems to assume that they SHOULD be). This week I had a 4 hour ballet class on Monday Tuesday and Wednesday. During these classes I felt no pain aside from maybe some minor tension, but 2 days after my last class, here I am lying in bed feeling super inflamed and afraid of ever using my hips again. What is keeping my from accepting my TMS diagnosis is my active lifestyle and the fact that I do ballet seriously- tons of dancers deal with injuries. Is it possible that maybe I am pushing myself too hard and leading myself to pain, or is this most likely TMS? So many signs point to TMS (the pain travelling, my perfectionist attitude, the pain being ominous and coming up at random times, not during the activity) but I seriously cannot convince myself, especially with everything my teachers + doctors + teachers have told me about "taking it easy". Sorry for the lengthy post, this is a very complicated issue!

 

Did you see Nicole on the Wall of Victory? Perhaps she can help you, I've spoken to her a couple times, and now following her career as she travels around the world, good luck.

 

Thank you so much for that!! So glad to hear that I'm not alone and that it's not just something I need to "deal with" as a dancer. I relate to her a lot, so hopefully I can remember this.

 

Glad you have found us! Feel free to vent and write as much as you need to - we share our pain in words...and cut it in half. Share it again and cut it in half till eventually there's nothing left.
I am an equestrian and yoga practitioner, both are practices that have been known to cause pain (especially falling off my horse). I get back on and keep moving. I tell the pain that it is just fear (acronym: Future Experience Already Ruined, F--k Everything And Run or False Evidence Appearing Real). Fear, fear of not being perfect, of feeling pain and having it get worse ramps up our brains until our brains/minds are captured.
I go into a backward bend and my mind says that I am going to get hurt and I invite the fear to have tea with me. I sit and face it and tell it that this backbend is going to be better than any backbend I have ever done and any pain I feel is just a story my ego is making up to defend me from my horribly imperfect self. (-:
It gets better here! We're here for you, Kershe. As one of Dr. Sarno's patients once said, "I magically healed once I realized there was no rabbit in the magician's hat! The pain had no real problem behind it." The image of an empty magician's hat has been a healing elixir for me many days. Hope it can help you, too.
All best wishes,
bg