Day 8 Struggling to Connect Emotional Triggers with Persistent Pain

[Hello Kitty]

Hello everyone,

I still don’t fully understand how my physical symptoms are linked to my emotions. However, I’m convinced that my back pain is caused by TMS, because:

• The doctors I’ve seen have said that my disc protrusion and disc degeneration are not serious and are treatable — even though six months of physiotherapy and manual therapy didn’t help.
• The last orthopaedic specialist I visited suggested that I probably have Myofascial Pain Syndrome (which is TMS).
• The pain I experience is mostly in the back muscles, and its location tends to shift — QL muscles, multifidus, trapezius, glutes and so on.
• The pain started in the lower back but has since spread to the knees, upper back, neck, and occasionally the elbow.
• It began during a stressful period, without any physical injury.
• I clearly have a TMS-type personality.
• I’ve been able to reduce or eliminate some symptoms (like knee pain, chest pain, toothaches, and tension headaches) through applying TMS knowledge.

Still, in most cases I can’t identify the specific emotional triggers for my symptoms. The reasons for their appearance remain a mystery. Sometimes, for example, I may feel quite anxious while trying to solve a problem but have no pain; other times I feel calm, yet experience sudden pain in my back or elsewhere.


My lower back, in particular, remains especially stubborn in responding to the TMS approach…

Thank you for reading this!

 

[JanAtheCPA]

Well, @Hello Kitty, your knowledge and belief in TMS and its role in your symptoms is excellent. What you might be having difficulty with is the emotional vulnerability and self-honesty that helps you get to the core of your deeper emotional rage. You are probably only looking at surface emotions and triggers in your current life, but the source of our rage goes farther back, to childhood and to family relationships.

This is what Dr Sarno is trying to teach us. Our friend @Baseball65 regularly reminds us to read Dr Sarno again and again, and that we must look at our most important relationships with brutal honesty and acknowledge what's really going on emotionally for us, for better or worse.

Nicole Sachs does a good job explaining this as well - how you can both love and hate your family at the same time - but we are deathly afraid to express the hate side, because negative emotions are "unacceptable".

What does this idea look like for you?

 

[Hello Kitty]

Thank you, @JanAtheCPA, for your reply.

In recent years, I’ve been deeply engaged in meditation and psychological work, including around eight months of therapy. This has helped me gain a better understanding of myself, my unconscious patterns, and how my childhood still affects me today. I’ve also learned the practice of self-compassion and acceptance, which I try to apply to any pain—physical or mental—and to the negative experiences in my life.

However, when I try to connect my pain to my emotions, I don’t see anger or rage as the source. In fact, over the years, my anger has decreased. Interestingly, during periods in my life when I did frequently experience anger—especially related to childhood issues—I didn’t suffer from chronic pain.

That said, I can sometimes see a connection between my physical symptoms and avoidance. For example, when meditation felt difficult, I would sometimes get headaches or backaches, which gave me an excuse to stop practicing out of fear that I might “damage” myself. Simply recognising this pattern was often enough to reduce or even eliminate the pain.

Also, although my pain began about four years ago—during a time of anxiety problems —it only became chronic after I started taking more care (and worrying more) of my health (exercise, diet, sleep). Since my back had always felt like a weak point, I believe the pain manifested there, even though by that time I resolved my anxiety problems.

 

[Baseball65]

specific emotional triggers for my symptoms.

That might be because there aren't any....or at least any more.
The 'specific emotional situations' that are mentioned already happened. Conditioning and Ego are more than enough to keep them in place once the command decision has been made to experience one rather than the other.

When I read this forum I always see posts where it seems like people are under the impression that PERCEVED emotions are the culprit. Even the 'regular' Back industry would agree to this. We are talking about repressed emotions. If you knew what they were with just a little quiet reflection, They wouldn't be repressed and unconscious.

I got really pissed at work the other day. The guy who did the construction step in front of me did a horrible job and I had to stop and fix his work all over the place. I was seething angry. He was making me look bad. All of a sudden, my hand began to hurt. My hand that hasn't hurt in weeks and weeks.

The anger I felt at the other tradesman was NOT repressed or unconscious. The issue that precipitated me needing a symptom was a much deeper issue about self worth, dependence on others and Family. In fact, when the symptom got my attention, I forcefully focused on the painful things that have happened to me recently (losing my dog is a big one) and I finished the day with no further issue.

Your pain arrived to prevent you from seeing something...to protect you, because your brain is trying to keep you balanced and optimized....it's like an over evolved coping mechanism. It's like your appendix... You don't need it anymore, but if it goes bad it can shut down the whole machine.

There are so many TMS 'doctors' and therapists around nowadays, it's hard to tell where someone got there info...but Sarno spent little time talking about emotional triggers. That is like focusing on the weather when you live on an earthquake fault. The problem is much deeper and the feelings we have from day to day are only a factor...if you want to hunt down the cause? Start looking at what was going on when you came down with symptoms...especially things that were decisions that you are 'OK' with...we get TMS to save relationships, jobs etc... Telling ourselves we are OK with stuff without examination

 

[Joulegirl]

I highly recommend listening to Nicole Sachs The Cure for Chronic Pain podcast. She has many episodes and talks about repressed emotions a lot. It's hard to grasp that we could have something lurking underneath the surface but she explains it well.

 

[Diana-M]

However, when I try to connect my pain to my emotions, I don’t see anger or rage as the source.

Hi, Hello Kitty!
You really need to read a book by John Sarno to understand the process. The reason you don’t feel anger is your TMS brain thinks it’s too scary. It is using pain to distract you from your anger.

 

[Hello Kitty]

Thank you, @Baseball65, for your insightful post. It made me realize that I might need to go deeper in the process of self-exploration. Thank you as well, @Joulegirl — I hope the podcast you recommended will help me in this journey.

Thank you, @Diana-M, I’ve read Dr. Sarno’s book, but I still haven’t been able to get to the core of my pain symptoms — it seems that mindfulness alone isn’t enough. Hopefully, by continuing to follow a structured educational program and journaling regularly, I’ll be able to make progress.

 

[Cactusflower]

As @Baseball65 points out, it's how we perceive ourself within the situation or the emotion we actually feel. I find that sometimes I need to look at where the rage is, but most often I don't need to dig around. After getting a good understanding about the core issues, I need to acknowledge and remind myself that it's perfectly fine to be angry and rageful inside at times - that my concision brain has constructed an acceptable "me" but there is also the true me which feels the entire breadth of emotions that sometimes conscious me doesn't allow.
The repressed rage is an interesting thing.
Sometimes, it's the one rageful thing (like Baseball's inefficient work partner today) or it's a build up of little ragers, annoyances and resentments that finally become a tipping point including our internal response to those things. I have had a lot of stress lately, but it's my need to save everyone and be perfect that strings it all together.

 

[Baseball65]

Baseball's inefficient work partner today

That was covering up a LOT of deep dives. Ego, self perception as 'the man' the veteran, the guy who knows how it ought to be done.....those are all Make-up to cover

Working for a company where I have to be better than anyone because my son is the Boss. (Shame , fear, Anger)

It's often about Blame versus responsibility. I am afraid of Blame.

 

[Hello Kitty]

@Cactusflower, as I understand it, the emotions you’ve mentioned aren’t exactly repressed, since you’re able to recognize them through mindfulness. In @Baseball65’s example, the rage isn’t truly repressed either — even though it may have deeper layers beneath it and acknowledging those layers helped to better understand the situation and his involvement in it.

In my case, frankly speaking, I don’t see anger as the core issue. Anger feels more like a byproduct — arising from a fear of loneliness, a sense of insecurity, and a desire for approval and acceptance. The anger tends to surface when those underlying emotions intensify, and it often manifests as competitiveness, pride, envy, or suspicion.

To some extent, I’ve learned how to manage these tendencies (practices like self-compassion have been very helpful), but these worries still arise in different forms from time to time.

My question is: could the suppressed — or perhaps not fully comprehended — emotion be anxiety, rather than rage?

I worry that I might be chasing the idea of “repressed anger” and trying to convince myself it’s there, when the real issue could lie elsewhere. For me, this is really a matter of self-honesty.

 

[Ellen]

When I first discovered I had TMS and started doing the work, I also had a hard time noticing my emotions, including anger. I wasn't aware of feeling anything except the pain and fatigue of my TMS symptoms. I discovered there is a term for this (alexithymia) and that it is common for people who have Complex PTSD.

So what I did instead was to focus on my thoughts. I noticed and wrote down the things there were going through my mind. There is a feedback loop between thoughts and emotions--thoughts can generate emotions and emotions can generate thoughts. I then identified some dysfunctional thinking patterns that I consistently engaged in. Some of mine were a persistent "poor me" pattern. I also noticed the common one for TMSers of catastrophizing. Also I could see that I always thought that I needed to hurry through everything I was doing, or I wouldn't be able to get everything done. This was due to my perfectionism, and it created a lot of stress and tension. So I noticed these things when they came up, and worked to replace them with healthier, more reality-based thoughts by first practicing mindfulness and then consciously replacing the thoughts. The old thinking patterns are habits and they can be changed.

As my thinking became healthier, I became better able to get in touch with my emotions. I wrote them out and gave myself a consistent message that all emotions are fine. That I'm human and entitled to feel the full range of emotions. This took a while because I was taught growing up that emotions are not acceptable. Still, I never identified much anger and certainly not rage. My emotions were more sadness, guilt, and shame. I think this is likely due to having very poor self esteem, where I always thought everything was my fault, so my anger to the extent there was any, was turned inward. There is a theory that depression is anger turned inward and I had a lot of that.

The journey to recovery from TMS is different for all of us. Our minds and our lives are so complex that it just can't be any other way. We can glean tips and techniques from others who have successfully made that journey and try them on, but they will not always fit. There is no one size fits all. But if you keep doing the work and are willing to face everything that comes up with courage and bravery, everyone can experience recovery. Just keep at it.

 

[Cactusflower]

A desire for approval and acceptance, and feeling insecure could be signs of deep inner rage. I know that’s a lot of were mine must get generated.
That I’m not simply accepted for being me and loved without judgement -my own judgement or the perceived judgement of others I could be rage inducing. Conscious sadness is often a cover for that possible rage.
For myself, it’s less about being sure that is the emotion I feel and more about accepting it!’s a possibility that’s how I feel. I think about how someone who was brought up to feel insecure must be really angry about not being sble to feel free and safe to express themselves as desired (even if that expression is not socially acceptable). My inner 2 year old is a brat without reason, a tantruming little beastie who just wants it’s way.. Me! Me! Me! And is angry, and hurt when it can not. There’s not much rhyme or reason in that area of the brain.

 

[Ellen]

I agree with @Cactusflower . If you keep digging, you will likely end up with rage and anger. It's peeling back the layers. But it may take some time to get to that deep layer. I was able to recover without getting to it, though I have had frequent relapses over the years. Each relapse has required me to go deeper.

 

[Ellen]

Having thought about this more......

I believe the key to TMS recovery is the willingness to be fully honest with ourselves. We can get to self truth by exploring our true deep emotions or we can get to it by looking honestly at our repetitive dysfunctional thinking patterns. I often say (sorry for being repetitive) that TMS is a defense against the truth. TMS is our distraction from the truth we are so desperate to keep hidden. When we are totally willing to be honest with ourselves, we pull back the curtain on our TMS and find the weak old Wizard behind the curtain. Once we do that, then the challenge is to keep the curtain pulled back. Some people find that meditation is the way to do that, or therapy, or challenging their pain and fatigue by pushing through it, or by challenging their fears and anxieties and going forward anyway. There are many paths to success, but the ultimate first step is self honesty, whatever form that takes.

I am often impressed by the courage evident on this Forum. Self honesty is hard and brutal and most people never even attempt it. Kudos to all the brave people who come here to share their truth.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

TMS is a defense against the truth. TMS is our distraction from the truth we are so desperate to keep hidden.

Actually, this needs to be repeated more often.

 

[Mando]

Start looking at what was going on when you came down with symptoms...especially things that were decisions that you are 'OK' with...we get TMS to save relationships, jobs etc... Telling ourselves we are OK with stuff without examination

I'm interested what you mean by decisions we were OK with. I understand you mean to look at the emotional triggers that we told ourselves were OK at the time. What would you advise to do the examination of this stuff? Thanks!