Recoverytime2024!
New Member
I didn't want to do a success story because I don't want to relive everything nor do I want people contacting me and advising them. I do not mean this as a negative with all the medical things I went through, in fact it's meant to be an encouragement story to others who also had a lot of medical and TMS complications that you can get better! Also every coach and doctor was helpful to me at the time and gave me the positivity I needed to pull through!
Dr. Stracks and I were saying I am not the average patient (he more meant he likes to be careful with me cause I have had quite a few things that need medical attention, but he also said that I've gotten over so many crazy hard things it's kind of unbelievable. I broke down my story a while back when I had worked with Cristina Sarno so she could understand. One of the best things I did recently was start working at Children's Health Dallas as a physician assistant who is part of the pediatric hematology oncology chronic transfusion team. Another was completely leaving the MBS world behind. I think about in April I stopped watching any videos, stopped working with coaches, July I quit working with Cristina, I got a couple injections for post-operative nerve pain that had proved non-responsive in a lot of ways to TMS work. I have found for me there were times I needed medical intervention, for a long time the MBS world made me feel guilty for this. Instead I am now grateful that I had the resources and the help. Another thing I always did through all these diagnosis was keep my athlete. I never stopped working out even through the broken pubic bone or CRPS and this I think kept me from identifying so much as some of the people I see as broken and it also kept my purpose. It kept me wanting to get up to get moving. It's not for everyone but I would say if there's one key to recovery it's purpose and passion and you just kind of have to know in the back of your mind you will get better. My story for the past few years follows:
April 2018: Right sided runner's dystonia developed a few years prior. Hip starts hurting on left side more like a sciatic pain but I get a labral repair surgery. Wake up with a blue leg, a shitload of pain, swelling, 9 months later diagnosed with CRPS type I (nerve injury during surgery) by three doctors. Beighton criteria, foot is hot red swollen then purple, swollen cold. excrutiating pain.
January 2019: Suicidal from the CRPS pain, trying to figure out what to do. As stated above still active with lap swimming, cycling, weight lifting. Led to Shirley Ryan 8 week intensive program at their day hospital. Not a fan, especially being told to manage pain, however did pick up mindfulness and meditation. This saved me at the time, joined a mindfulness course MSBR immediately after ending the program. Knew from first day of the 8 week intensive course that I could get better during a meditation and would be okay. Start working towards PA school to get my 2000 hours to apply as a medical assistant.
April 2021: Still struggling with CRPS, it's a constant excruciating pain, after travelling to Italy for infusions and countless injections, my PM&R doctor offers me a spinal cord stimulator, I have this inserted seeing I don't think I can go to PA school any other way. It calms the pain a bit but never fully, however does allow me to go to PA school.
May 2022: After 8 years of dystonia and trying everything under the sun, struggling to walk daily (though the neurologist were very impressed that and using mindfulness decide to get DBS (extensive extensive evaluations done by multidisciplinary team before approved at University of Florida by famous neurosurgeon Kelly Foote, debated not doing but ultimately felt I needed to give a shot). I am in the middle of PA school and now have a dog. Take my research month for school early to do the brain surgery and three weeks later chest implant in Florida, take those weeks to do my research thesis, start rotation 2 weeks post chest implant. Start swimming again when wound heals, thoracic outlet starts to come, arms swell to size of Texas and turn red.
July 2022: First rotation at FM, programming still not fully programmed for DBS, start getting hand pain down one arm, turns into thoracic outlet while swimming and extensive knee pain. Biomedical model follows.
July to November 2022: extensive thoracic outlet (turning tomato red post swim, now daily TOS, had this before and meditated my way through in 2018 to ultimately overcome), now seeing PT for both knee pain (also get hyluranic acid shots, those help a ton), then they want to do carpal tunnel surgery based on my EMG-->decide I will not do another surgery
December 2022: Pediatric rotation, miserable from pain, working with a guy who is very nice and does psilocybin, turn to alternative methods to avoid surgery, find an article on visualization and athletes, remember your dad, come back to TMS after 8+ years of not thinking of
January 2023: Some Lin Health doctor tells me I'm risking my arm mobility doing TMS and that this is physical, decide to see John Stracks, diagnoses TMS, I go all in, start working with Rita Lababera (Dan Ratner coach), stop getting TOS by focusing on belly button in pool but still persistent carpal tunnel type symptoms, start running again for first time in 8 years, have to reteach myself due to dystonia, use a mirror, don't know when or why I decided, don't go outside due to fear of tripping till July to plan for triathlon, still not sure I can as tripping over foot still, gait wonky
September 2023: finishing rotations, in Mayish decided I would do a sprint triathlon, train before work and after during rotations and schools, complete sprint triathlon end of September, one of most fun days ever
October 2023: the week after the triathlon decide I'll do a 10k, did not train but whatever, do the 10k, had not run over 3 miles since high school, have the time of my life, pick up running again, starting at a 10k sometimes more 2-3x a week, dystonia still brings up a lot of anxiety but getting better and better the more I do, getting to about 28 miles per week
November 2023: graduate PA school, need job, applying and emailing local practices, looking for peds, still dealing with CTS hand stuff up to this time, start seeing Charlie Merrill
January 2024: local physician responds, says he is willing to do a trial to see if I am a good fit, never had a new graduate, not sure he wants to train, it's a holistic practice in a sense, pressure because I like the job but he is not training me so feels unfair
February 2024: getting NOWHERE with hand pain, still using Charlie as a coach and I talk to Rita , pick up Schubiner book and start, get sacral pain next day, meet with Stracks, chalk up to symptom imperative
March 2024: work annoying and unfair, sacral pain makes hard to sleep at night, then on a run switches to left pubic bone, chalk up to symptom imperative but now having trouble getting out of chairs, sitting, walking, using the toilet. Eventually ask Stracks to order MRI after PA at practice I'm at suggests a fracture
April 2024: MRI shows three fractures including a complete on of the top and bottom of my left pubic bone, I felt the snap a few days before running while listening to the Mindbody prescription. Stracks sends me to ortho trauma who has me take 10 weeks off running and 6 off stairs, allowed to walk, swim, cycle, elliptical which i of course do without respecting the pain, hurts like hell and I am now sweating just sitting from the pain with a fast heart rate, get DEXA and labs which are all normal thank god
July 2024: Bone is healing but still painful but less, do Joe Dispenza retreat, cleared to run (panic attacks post run cause still hurts but ortho hears symptoms and says I am okay to continue--> not sharp, focal, building during run), accept Chicago psych job because I do not get the Denver one I want
August 2024: still having groin pain near left pubic bone, see ortho to get checked out, clears me post X-ray (now deformed from how healed, likely could not carry children but healed nonetheless), AFTER clearance feeling much better running but still getting panic attacks, sign up again for half marathon end of September, back to 30 mpw, get CHRONIC FATIGUE TYPE SYMPTOMS WITH DRY MOUTH, BREATHLESSNESS, FATIGUE, TROUBLE SPEAKING DIAGNOSED AS A FORM OF DYSTONIA BY ENT
September 2024: two days before half marathon foot blows up and hurts during run, feel there's a stress fracture, pull out, pass out in patient room due to CFS stuff, two ER visits
October 2024: WORK IS VERY HORRIBLE DUE TO TROUBLE SPEAKING AND FEELING LIKE I WILL PASS OUT ALL DAY, foot stress fracture finally ruled out, return to running without a formal return to run, pain disappears, but still having the CFS and speaking stuff extensively, restart half marathon training, start with Dan Buglio groups and Neil Durrans
November 2024: on a run before work getting weird feeling in groin, like unstable, numb, strange, do yoga and get horrible pain one day (never do yoga), immediate wow after, know something is up, run a few days later, come home with pubic bone pain, go back to ortho for first MRI since stress fracture
December 2024: possible small stress reaction at site of fracture or further healing, ortho thinks fine, find a tear of the tendons that attach to my pubic bone called a SPORTS HERNIA, swim one day and entire area red after pool, also get OSTEITIS PUBIS symptoms, go from running to barely walking up the block
January 2025: First time since TMS start PT with osteitis pubis specialist Jason D'Abreo in Australia, helps and I start to be able to walk again despite uncomfortable, working with Jennifer Huggins and Schechter, Schechter says has patients who had SPORTS HERNIA SURGERY AND WAS HELPFUL, START CONSIDERING SURGERY SERIOUSLY AFTER BEING WARNED BY A RADIOLOGIST NOT TO DO SO BECAUSE OF COMPLICATIONS IN A SENSITIVE AREA SUCH AS SCAR TISSUE AND NERVE PAIN. Slip on ICE and TUMOR found in my knee (forgot to mention this) has to BIOPSIED AND THEY WANT TO DO SURGERY, quit the job 01/06/2025
February 2025: PTSD from the job and the loss of my body (literal pain, weight gain) to the point I am waking up in the middle of the night and crying, nightmares and derealization moments and panic attacks during the day (some recurring thought, "am I alive?"), decide to work through this on my own, start slowly increasing activity again and doing a good deal of the osteitis pubis PT which is body weight complex movements that I enjoy (many I cannot do anymore due to the nerve pain which I did not have prior to surgery)
March to April 2025: Start working with an in person PT doing a lot of strength and jumping that I never did, start building mileage more seriously, back to doing an hour of cycle, elliptical, stairs, swim, that I built on my own, osteitis pubis still really annoying, sports hernia only bothers me a bit when running, start researching surgeons because of the OP (sports hernias can cause these symptoms), decide to visit 4 of them. Schechter and Stracks and two known coaches okay with me doing surgery. Find a TMS therapist who had this surgery and developed nerve pain post-op, went to TMS, she TELLS ME SHE IS GLAD she did the surgery, this makes me more inclined. still working with OP specialist who scares me about the surgery
May 2025: One bachelorette, one wedding, go visit Dr. Bill Meyers, "the gold standard for sports hernias", does EVERY FAMOUS NFL PLAYER, MLB PLAYER, SOCCER PLAYER, ETC, RUN INTO MULTIPLE ATHLETES, he quotes a 95% success rate in the literature, I schedule surgery June 3, 2025, have second thoughts and ALMOST WALK OUT THE DAY OF, HE DECIDES TO REPAIR BOTH SIDES, NOT JUST THE SIDE THAT WAS FRACTURED AND HAD TEAR
June 2025: immediate day 3 nerve pain in region along a line known to cause this complication, working with Laura Haraka TMS coach, SURGEON TELLS ME KEEP PUSHING THROUGH. Being the athlete I am I continue to push extensively through.
July 2025: go back to surgeon, WEEK 4, EXTENSIVE RIGHT SIDE NERVE PAIN ONLY, MRI DONE, INFLAMMATION OF THE NERVE, tells me is a CRPS type response, talks to Schechter on phone, Schechter doesn't want me pushing so hard physically, the surgeon does, gives me a cortisone shot, helps for a couple days
August 2025: right side DAILY HORRIBLE HORRIBLE ILIOINGUINAL AND GENITOFEMORAL NERVE PAIN DAILY, DEVELOP DEEP ACHE DURING A RUN AND CANNOT DO ANYTHING I COULD PRIOR TO SURGERY PAIN FREE, wanting not to be alive, fall into deep depression, PT not sure what to do, back to surgeon and other second opinions, see Schechter who feels case is mixed
September 2025: Surgeon calls and feels we are 3 months out, go to Schechter and get a "tens unit". Get second opinion from Northwestern who recommends a second surgery, decide no I don't want him to do that and not now
October 2025: host a bachelorette, horrible nerve pain on my birthday, days off of working out I don't have much pain, looks pretty physical, see Schechter who is still unsure. Get two other second opinions who feel surgery to clean the nerve and remove scar tissue will yield relief
November 2025: I see my surgeon's partner who is recommended to me by his PT, he recommends surgery. I schedule surgery for December 4, 2025, Schechter feels I should do it, encourages me not to cancel, Stracks says maybe time and more neuroplastic work. ChatGPT recommends I do a deload reload for the right side instead of surgery, left side still feels good, really good (this was the problem side). Significant reduction in the pain doing a deload. Hesitant to do the December scheduled surgery, ChatGPT recommends I cancel and wait. The night before I fly out to Philly I am massaging the left side, hit a nerve, get pain, feel will go away by morning, sticks around
December 2025: Fly to Philly and cancel surgery not wanting to do when the left side is aggravated (thinking of David Hanscom who I know well too), left side becomes prime focus, right is still quieter
January 2026: Left side still bothersome, Schechter recommends cortisone shot, I get one end of January, left side starts feeling better again, now back to normal mostly, you and I start, shin splint
February 2025: shin splint confusion, ruled okay to run, now the pain near the left pubic area, running about 12 miles a week, clean MRI, takes only a couple runs to fade, another cortisone for the left side, shit calms down, revs up a bit after but then calms and am able to take the pain down to zero from there
April 2026: Pain revs up once more, decide to quiet it on my own now that I can and have built up my running mileage again (had started back post op seriously in December after really aggravating things post op). Get scared something is broken again with pain running, another clean MRI, pain fades in that spot. Accept job at Children's, happens to be the doctor's sister who helps me as a connection to the team, DREAM job, moving to Dallas, yeehaw!
June 2026: Hip pain, very nervous, you break your femoral neck and they put a rod in even if it's a stress fracture, possible hip replacement, not sure I want MRI, too scared of a possible stress fracture but know I need to, get two days after moving, just another hip labral tear, not scared of soft tissue stuff, so relieved, return to running.
August 2026: sprain ankle, three weeks minimal running though I did move through a bit after PT and doctor's permission, heals in 5, some setbacks and flares but I just let myself know they will fade and they do in a few days each time, now like never happened.
Since then a couple more MRIs, I get scared of stress fractures after what happened with the pubic break, was horribly painful to heal from and the bone while bridged is now malformed so that I cannot birth children naturally. Speaks to getting things checked out and being careful as an athlete but all the recent clean MRIs have made the weight gain and changes to my training feel worth it. In the midst of this after the original break and 15 years of anorexia that predated my TMS and persisted I gained 20 lbs on my own without therapy (had some very traumatic therapy and inpatient stays in my college years) and for the first time ever have kept it on. Running was my purpose, my why and kept me going as well as a job where I feel medicine makes a huge difference and lifesaving ones in my kids with sickle cell and thalassemia's lives. Many of them have chronic pain on top of their acute pain crisis but the world is changing where the doctors come to understand chronic pain is different and do invest in the mental component much more. Anyways all this to say is getting over dystonia (I retaught myself to run with the help of DBS which I am so grateful for and while its not perfect it's pretty damn good), CRPS (fully gone and did a triathlon in 2023 at the end of it's run), thoracic outlet, a massive pubic break, osteitis pubis, and post hernia surgery horrible nerve pain where I almost removed the nerve I want people to know that the mind is powerful, the body is powerful and to find what works for them. It's okay to need help and accept it, it's okay to carve your own path, it's okay in the midst of things to learn who you are and work on yourself and see big changes but still slip back. You can get better, life does have ups and downs, pain sometimes from injury, sometimes from neuroplasticity, sometimes a combination but just know deep down it will fade and get active, get yourself out there doing what you love, find a career or if you don't work something else to throw a purpose towards and surround yourself with people who are living their lives so that you feel like a part of a normal world because the more normal you think of your life, the more the pain will trend back to normality.
Wanted to say I hope you are doing great and this is just meant to say here's what worked. I saw some of the stories on your site and they are great but I also want people to know they can fully get over the most severe. I sprained the ankle that had CRPS and never once during that time recently had a fear or symptom of CPRS while was healing. Also healed totally fine and yes I was diagnosed with the Beighton criteria and all that shit. You must not repeat the words in your head practitioners said. In fact you must instead learn they are others words not yours and simply shift focus. Do not fight them, take a breath, relax and know they are not for you. Poorly said but I think the point is made.
I didn't honestly do anything overt. I think the overaching thing was having a passion which was running and working out that got me up and going each day, a dog, most of my friends have zero idea and I never laid in bed no matter how bad the pain was I kept a normal life as much as possible, even when not working I made a community at my local coffee shop just going every day and the gym met people, I saw friends still, went to holidays, etc. From the outside in I looked normal and I actually think that helped. they found in cancer survivors having some denial of the actual reality predicted survival better than those who did not and dwelled in the diagnosis/reality. Everything i learned applies to life. I didn't talk of the things i do cause none are ritualed but I am very aware of what sets me off, how to work with it in my head when needed and at times compartmentalize, came to a lot of self love but sometimes I am angry at myself, its okay, I realized emotions pass. I somehow started rewiring to encouragement, I think one thing people would tell you from a young age I've always had a lot of grit, determination and resilience. Some of the videos of me in sport I have emphasize that. I found empowerment in the pushing almost, not always in the way that was good for me so I learned to play with it a bit but also let go of the perfectionism. I actually don't think I am a perfectionist compared to many around me, that helps. People would tell you I am pretty chill outside of my workouts and I feel that way. I letting go as in shit happens and you will get through mindset has always been something for me, it's how I never got test anxiety in PA school. I also have been working some stuff out with my parents, some fuck it like today I have groin pain post run but I'm just like fuck it and know Im afraid of stress fractures and any human would be after what happened so just that's okay but also doesn't rule my day, and then slowing down, i just slow my mind during the day and come to the present. I still do a million and one things every day but with much more intentional presence and when I feel myself get activated I am aware and I don't know how to explain but I just lean into feeling and slowing the physiology. Breath helps, a deep one, or noticing what I feel/hear/see, pendulating. Again it's not ritualized. I do need to cut back caffeine. oh and you will still fail at times in life or things pop up. I learned a lot of pain neuroscience and that was necessary. I am also a boundary pusher with my body, as an athlete I have always been, I'll push pain, etc. A lot of people are against that and that's fine but I have learned to embrace that and not freak out. In a sense I embraced a lot of my flaws. We all have them. some of the MBS rituals are too perfectionistic in their own right. Last I left the TMS/MBS world. That was big. saying you know what I can do this on my own terms and I almost now have an aversion. I don't want to hear rituals or stories or anything anymore. I have a life, I always had one but removing that removed a lot of clutter. I'm sure I could say more, I still meditate a few times a week especially at night, I also have every day my mind turn off time which is my trashy TV couch surf day, for someone as active mentally and physically as me its a key nervous system reset. Letting myself just veg. I encourage this if you don't do it. One other piece recently my job I am working with kids who are sick, they have big issues and families, etc. this led me to drop the victim mindset, the why me (yes still happens, it's fine, I pull myself out quick), cause I realize yes everything that has happened to me is unfair, my friends can't relate, yada yada, it sucks and I wish this didn't happen BUT working with these kids I have realized life is unfair and it's extra unfair for some of us. Like very much so yet I have SO MUCH that I am grateful for. now I give thanks every day for so much. but that is very hard to do in the throws of things so I am saying that as someone who at this moment in time doesn't feel in the throws.
All this to say I do consider myself better and minus small stuff spend most of my waking life pain free. I am starting my own personal training business on the side, training for a half marathon and workout for an hour and a half daily as the athlete I always was! Anyone can get past the most severe and make a life for themselves! Y'all as we say down south got this!
Xoxo
Dr. Stracks and I were saying I am not the average patient (he more meant he likes to be careful with me cause I have had quite a few things that need medical attention, but he also said that I've gotten over so many crazy hard things it's kind of unbelievable. I broke down my story a while back when I had worked with Cristina Sarno so she could understand. One of the best things I did recently was start working at Children's Health Dallas as a physician assistant who is part of the pediatric hematology oncology chronic transfusion team. Another was completely leaving the MBS world behind. I think about in April I stopped watching any videos, stopped working with coaches, July I quit working with Cristina, I got a couple injections for post-operative nerve pain that had proved non-responsive in a lot of ways to TMS work. I have found for me there were times I needed medical intervention, for a long time the MBS world made me feel guilty for this. Instead I am now grateful that I had the resources and the help. Another thing I always did through all these diagnosis was keep my athlete. I never stopped working out even through the broken pubic bone or CRPS and this I think kept me from identifying so much as some of the people I see as broken and it also kept my purpose. It kept me wanting to get up to get moving. It's not for everyone but I would say if there's one key to recovery it's purpose and passion and you just kind of have to know in the back of your mind you will get better. My story for the past few years follows:
April 2018: Right sided runner's dystonia developed a few years prior. Hip starts hurting on left side more like a sciatic pain but I get a labral repair surgery. Wake up with a blue leg, a shitload of pain, swelling, 9 months later diagnosed with CRPS type I (nerve injury during surgery) by three doctors. Beighton criteria, foot is hot red swollen then purple, swollen cold. excrutiating pain.
January 2019: Suicidal from the CRPS pain, trying to figure out what to do. As stated above still active with lap swimming, cycling, weight lifting. Led to Shirley Ryan 8 week intensive program at their day hospital. Not a fan, especially being told to manage pain, however did pick up mindfulness and meditation. This saved me at the time, joined a mindfulness course MSBR immediately after ending the program. Knew from first day of the 8 week intensive course that I could get better during a meditation and would be okay. Start working towards PA school to get my 2000 hours to apply as a medical assistant.
April 2021: Still struggling with CRPS, it's a constant excruciating pain, after travelling to Italy for infusions and countless injections, my PM&R doctor offers me a spinal cord stimulator, I have this inserted seeing I don't think I can go to PA school any other way. It calms the pain a bit but never fully, however does allow me to go to PA school.
May 2022: After 8 years of dystonia and trying everything under the sun, struggling to walk daily (though the neurologist were very impressed that and using mindfulness decide to get DBS (extensive extensive evaluations done by multidisciplinary team before approved at University of Florida by famous neurosurgeon Kelly Foote, debated not doing but ultimately felt I needed to give a shot). I am in the middle of PA school and now have a dog. Take my research month for school early to do the brain surgery and three weeks later chest implant in Florida, take those weeks to do my research thesis, start rotation 2 weeks post chest implant. Start swimming again when wound heals, thoracic outlet starts to come, arms swell to size of Texas and turn red.
July 2022: First rotation at FM, programming still not fully programmed for DBS, start getting hand pain down one arm, turns into thoracic outlet while swimming and extensive knee pain. Biomedical model follows.
July to November 2022: extensive thoracic outlet (turning tomato red post swim, now daily TOS, had this before and meditated my way through in 2018 to ultimately overcome), now seeing PT for both knee pain (also get hyluranic acid shots, those help a ton), then they want to do carpal tunnel surgery based on my EMG-->decide I will not do another surgery
December 2022: Pediatric rotation, miserable from pain, working with a guy who is very nice and does psilocybin, turn to alternative methods to avoid surgery, find an article on visualization and athletes, remember your dad, come back to TMS after 8+ years of not thinking of
January 2023: Some Lin Health doctor tells me I'm risking my arm mobility doing TMS and that this is physical, decide to see John Stracks, diagnoses TMS, I go all in, start working with Rita Lababera (Dan Ratner coach), stop getting TOS by focusing on belly button in pool but still persistent carpal tunnel type symptoms, start running again for first time in 8 years, have to reteach myself due to dystonia, use a mirror, don't know when or why I decided, don't go outside due to fear of tripping till July to plan for triathlon, still not sure I can as tripping over foot still, gait wonky
September 2023: finishing rotations, in Mayish decided I would do a sprint triathlon, train before work and after during rotations and schools, complete sprint triathlon end of September, one of most fun days ever
October 2023: the week after the triathlon decide I'll do a 10k, did not train but whatever, do the 10k, had not run over 3 miles since high school, have the time of my life, pick up running again, starting at a 10k sometimes more 2-3x a week, dystonia still brings up a lot of anxiety but getting better and better the more I do, getting to about 28 miles per week
November 2023: graduate PA school, need job, applying and emailing local practices, looking for peds, still dealing with CTS hand stuff up to this time, start seeing Charlie Merrill
January 2024: local physician responds, says he is willing to do a trial to see if I am a good fit, never had a new graduate, not sure he wants to train, it's a holistic practice in a sense, pressure because I like the job but he is not training me so feels unfair
February 2024: getting NOWHERE with hand pain, still using Charlie as a coach and I talk to Rita , pick up Schubiner book and start, get sacral pain next day, meet with Stracks, chalk up to symptom imperative
March 2024: work annoying and unfair, sacral pain makes hard to sleep at night, then on a run switches to left pubic bone, chalk up to symptom imperative but now having trouble getting out of chairs, sitting, walking, using the toilet. Eventually ask Stracks to order MRI after PA at practice I'm at suggests a fracture
April 2024: MRI shows three fractures including a complete on of the top and bottom of my left pubic bone, I felt the snap a few days before running while listening to the Mindbody prescription. Stracks sends me to ortho trauma who has me take 10 weeks off running and 6 off stairs, allowed to walk, swim, cycle, elliptical which i of course do without respecting the pain, hurts like hell and I am now sweating just sitting from the pain with a fast heart rate, get DEXA and labs which are all normal thank god
July 2024: Bone is healing but still painful but less, do Joe Dispenza retreat, cleared to run (panic attacks post run cause still hurts but ortho hears symptoms and says I am okay to continue--> not sharp, focal, building during run), accept Chicago psych job because I do not get the Denver one I want
August 2024: still having groin pain near left pubic bone, see ortho to get checked out, clears me post X-ray (now deformed from how healed, likely could not carry children but healed nonetheless), AFTER clearance feeling much better running but still getting panic attacks, sign up again for half marathon end of September, back to 30 mpw, get CHRONIC FATIGUE TYPE SYMPTOMS WITH DRY MOUTH, BREATHLESSNESS, FATIGUE, TROUBLE SPEAKING DIAGNOSED AS A FORM OF DYSTONIA BY ENT
September 2024: two days before half marathon foot blows up and hurts during run, feel there's a stress fracture, pull out, pass out in patient room due to CFS stuff, two ER visits
October 2024: WORK IS VERY HORRIBLE DUE TO TROUBLE SPEAKING AND FEELING LIKE I WILL PASS OUT ALL DAY, foot stress fracture finally ruled out, return to running without a formal return to run, pain disappears, but still having the CFS and speaking stuff extensively, restart half marathon training, start with Dan Buglio groups and Neil Durrans
November 2024: on a run before work getting weird feeling in groin, like unstable, numb, strange, do yoga and get horrible pain one day (never do yoga), immediate wow after, know something is up, run a few days later, come home with pubic bone pain, go back to ortho for first MRI since stress fracture
December 2024: possible small stress reaction at site of fracture or further healing, ortho thinks fine, find a tear of the tendons that attach to my pubic bone called a SPORTS HERNIA, swim one day and entire area red after pool, also get OSTEITIS PUBIS symptoms, go from running to barely walking up the block
January 2025: First time since TMS start PT with osteitis pubis specialist Jason D'Abreo in Australia, helps and I start to be able to walk again despite uncomfortable, working with Jennifer Huggins and Schechter, Schechter says has patients who had SPORTS HERNIA SURGERY AND WAS HELPFUL, START CONSIDERING SURGERY SERIOUSLY AFTER BEING WARNED BY A RADIOLOGIST NOT TO DO SO BECAUSE OF COMPLICATIONS IN A SENSITIVE AREA SUCH AS SCAR TISSUE AND NERVE PAIN. Slip on ICE and TUMOR found in my knee (forgot to mention this) has to BIOPSIED AND THEY WANT TO DO SURGERY, quit the job 01/06/2025
February 2025: PTSD from the job and the loss of my body (literal pain, weight gain) to the point I am waking up in the middle of the night and crying, nightmares and derealization moments and panic attacks during the day (some recurring thought, "am I alive?"), decide to work through this on my own, start slowly increasing activity again and doing a good deal of the osteitis pubis PT which is body weight complex movements that I enjoy (many I cannot do anymore due to the nerve pain which I did not have prior to surgery)
March to April 2025: Start working with an in person PT doing a lot of strength and jumping that I never did, start building mileage more seriously, back to doing an hour of cycle, elliptical, stairs, swim, that I built on my own, osteitis pubis still really annoying, sports hernia only bothers me a bit when running, start researching surgeons because of the OP (sports hernias can cause these symptoms), decide to visit 4 of them. Schechter and Stracks and two known coaches okay with me doing surgery. Find a TMS therapist who had this surgery and developed nerve pain post-op, went to TMS, she TELLS ME SHE IS GLAD she did the surgery, this makes me more inclined. still working with OP specialist who scares me about the surgery
May 2025: One bachelorette, one wedding, go visit Dr. Bill Meyers, "the gold standard for sports hernias", does EVERY FAMOUS NFL PLAYER, MLB PLAYER, SOCCER PLAYER, ETC, RUN INTO MULTIPLE ATHLETES, he quotes a 95% success rate in the literature, I schedule surgery June 3, 2025, have second thoughts and ALMOST WALK OUT THE DAY OF, HE DECIDES TO REPAIR BOTH SIDES, NOT JUST THE SIDE THAT WAS FRACTURED AND HAD TEAR
June 2025: immediate day 3 nerve pain in region along a line known to cause this complication, working with Laura Haraka TMS coach, SURGEON TELLS ME KEEP PUSHING THROUGH. Being the athlete I am I continue to push extensively through.
July 2025: go back to surgeon, WEEK 4, EXTENSIVE RIGHT SIDE NERVE PAIN ONLY, MRI DONE, INFLAMMATION OF THE NERVE, tells me is a CRPS type response, talks to Schechter on phone, Schechter doesn't want me pushing so hard physically, the surgeon does, gives me a cortisone shot, helps for a couple days
August 2025: right side DAILY HORRIBLE HORRIBLE ILIOINGUINAL AND GENITOFEMORAL NERVE PAIN DAILY, DEVELOP DEEP ACHE DURING A RUN AND CANNOT DO ANYTHING I COULD PRIOR TO SURGERY PAIN FREE, wanting not to be alive, fall into deep depression, PT not sure what to do, back to surgeon and other second opinions, see Schechter who feels case is mixed
September 2025: Surgeon calls and feels we are 3 months out, go to Schechter and get a "tens unit". Get second opinion from Northwestern who recommends a second surgery, decide no I don't want him to do that and not now
October 2025: host a bachelorette, horrible nerve pain on my birthday, days off of working out I don't have much pain, looks pretty physical, see Schechter who is still unsure. Get two other second opinions who feel surgery to clean the nerve and remove scar tissue will yield relief
November 2025: I see my surgeon's partner who is recommended to me by his PT, he recommends surgery. I schedule surgery for December 4, 2025, Schechter feels I should do it, encourages me not to cancel, Stracks says maybe time and more neuroplastic work. ChatGPT recommends I do a deload reload for the right side instead of surgery, left side still feels good, really good (this was the problem side). Significant reduction in the pain doing a deload. Hesitant to do the December scheduled surgery, ChatGPT recommends I cancel and wait. The night before I fly out to Philly I am massaging the left side, hit a nerve, get pain, feel will go away by morning, sticks around
December 2025: Fly to Philly and cancel surgery not wanting to do when the left side is aggravated (thinking of David Hanscom who I know well too), left side becomes prime focus, right is still quieter
January 2026: Left side still bothersome, Schechter recommends cortisone shot, I get one end of January, left side starts feeling better again, now back to normal mostly, you and I start, shin splint
February 2025: shin splint confusion, ruled okay to run, now the pain near the left pubic area, running about 12 miles a week, clean MRI, takes only a couple runs to fade, another cortisone for the left side, shit calms down, revs up a bit after but then calms and am able to take the pain down to zero from there
April 2026: Pain revs up once more, decide to quiet it on my own now that I can and have built up my running mileage again (had started back post op seriously in December after really aggravating things post op). Get scared something is broken again with pain running, another clean MRI, pain fades in that spot. Accept job at Children's, happens to be the doctor's sister who helps me as a connection to the team, DREAM job, moving to Dallas, yeehaw!
June 2026: Hip pain, very nervous, you break your femoral neck and they put a rod in even if it's a stress fracture, possible hip replacement, not sure I want MRI, too scared of a possible stress fracture but know I need to, get two days after moving, just another hip labral tear, not scared of soft tissue stuff, so relieved, return to running.
August 2026: sprain ankle, three weeks minimal running though I did move through a bit after PT and doctor's permission, heals in 5, some setbacks and flares but I just let myself know they will fade and they do in a few days each time, now like never happened.
Since then a couple more MRIs, I get scared of stress fractures after what happened with the pubic break, was horribly painful to heal from and the bone while bridged is now malformed so that I cannot birth children naturally. Speaks to getting things checked out and being careful as an athlete but all the recent clean MRIs have made the weight gain and changes to my training feel worth it. In the midst of this after the original break and 15 years of anorexia that predated my TMS and persisted I gained 20 lbs on my own without therapy (had some very traumatic therapy and inpatient stays in my college years) and for the first time ever have kept it on. Running was my purpose, my why and kept me going as well as a job where I feel medicine makes a huge difference and lifesaving ones in my kids with sickle cell and thalassemia's lives. Many of them have chronic pain on top of their acute pain crisis but the world is changing where the doctors come to understand chronic pain is different and do invest in the mental component much more. Anyways all this to say is getting over dystonia (I retaught myself to run with the help of DBS which I am so grateful for and while its not perfect it's pretty damn good), CRPS (fully gone and did a triathlon in 2023 at the end of it's run), thoracic outlet, a massive pubic break, osteitis pubis, and post hernia surgery horrible nerve pain where I almost removed the nerve I want people to know that the mind is powerful, the body is powerful and to find what works for them. It's okay to need help and accept it, it's okay to carve your own path, it's okay in the midst of things to learn who you are and work on yourself and see big changes but still slip back. You can get better, life does have ups and downs, pain sometimes from injury, sometimes from neuroplasticity, sometimes a combination but just know deep down it will fade and get active, get yourself out there doing what you love, find a career or if you don't work something else to throw a purpose towards and surround yourself with people who are living their lives so that you feel like a part of a normal world because the more normal you think of your life, the more the pain will trend back to normality.
Wanted to say I hope you are doing great and this is just meant to say here's what worked. I saw some of the stories on your site and they are great but I also want people to know they can fully get over the most severe. I sprained the ankle that had CRPS and never once during that time recently had a fear or symptom of CPRS while was healing. Also healed totally fine and yes I was diagnosed with the Beighton criteria and all that shit. You must not repeat the words in your head practitioners said. In fact you must instead learn they are others words not yours and simply shift focus. Do not fight them, take a breath, relax and know they are not for you. Poorly said but I think the point is made.
I didn't honestly do anything overt. I think the overaching thing was having a passion which was running and working out that got me up and going each day, a dog, most of my friends have zero idea and I never laid in bed no matter how bad the pain was I kept a normal life as much as possible, even when not working I made a community at my local coffee shop just going every day and the gym met people, I saw friends still, went to holidays, etc. From the outside in I looked normal and I actually think that helped. they found in cancer survivors having some denial of the actual reality predicted survival better than those who did not and dwelled in the diagnosis/reality. Everything i learned applies to life. I didn't talk of the things i do cause none are ritualed but I am very aware of what sets me off, how to work with it in my head when needed and at times compartmentalize, came to a lot of self love but sometimes I am angry at myself, its okay, I realized emotions pass. I somehow started rewiring to encouragement, I think one thing people would tell you from a young age I've always had a lot of grit, determination and resilience. Some of the videos of me in sport I have emphasize that. I found empowerment in the pushing almost, not always in the way that was good for me so I learned to play with it a bit but also let go of the perfectionism. I actually don't think I am a perfectionist compared to many around me, that helps. People would tell you I am pretty chill outside of my workouts and I feel that way. I letting go as in shit happens and you will get through mindset has always been something for me, it's how I never got test anxiety in PA school. I also have been working some stuff out with my parents, some fuck it like today I have groin pain post run but I'm just like fuck it and know Im afraid of stress fractures and any human would be after what happened so just that's okay but also doesn't rule my day, and then slowing down, i just slow my mind during the day and come to the present. I still do a million and one things every day but with much more intentional presence and when I feel myself get activated I am aware and I don't know how to explain but I just lean into feeling and slowing the physiology. Breath helps, a deep one, or noticing what I feel/hear/see, pendulating. Again it's not ritualized. I do need to cut back caffeine. oh and you will still fail at times in life or things pop up. I learned a lot of pain neuroscience and that was necessary. I am also a boundary pusher with my body, as an athlete I have always been, I'll push pain, etc. A lot of people are against that and that's fine but I have learned to embrace that and not freak out. In a sense I embraced a lot of my flaws. We all have them. some of the MBS rituals are too perfectionistic in their own right. Last I left the TMS/MBS world. That was big. saying you know what I can do this on my own terms and I almost now have an aversion. I don't want to hear rituals or stories or anything anymore. I have a life, I always had one but removing that removed a lot of clutter. I'm sure I could say more, I still meditate a few times a week especially at night, I also have every day my mind turn off time which is my trashy TV couch surf day, for someone as active mentally and physically as me its a key nervous system reset. Letting myself just veg. I encourage this if you don't do it. One other piece recently my job I am working with kids who are sick, they have big issues and families, etc. this led me to drop the victim mindset, the why me (yes still happens, it's fine, I pull myself out quick), cause I realize yes everything that has happened to me is unfair, my friends can't relate, yada yada, it sucks and I wish this didn't happen BUT working with these kids I have realized life is unfair and it's extra unfair for some of us. Like very much so yet I have SO MUCH that I am grateful for. now I give thanks every day for so much. but that is very hard to do in the throws of things so I am saying that as someone who at this moment in time doesn't feel in the throws.
All this to say I do consider myself better and minus small stuff spend most of my waking life pain free. I am starting my own personal training business on the side, training for a half marathon and workout for an hour and a half daily as the athlete I always was! Anyone can get past the most severe and make a life for themselves! Y'all as we say down south got this!
Xoxo
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