Still dealing with pain, mental and physical

[cirrusnarea]

My back pain has once again taken away one of the few activities I enjoy in life, which is playing the piano.

Because of back pain and depression I had stopped playing for a few months, after moving though, instead of letting the piano sit in the corner I decided now that I had a nice large room for it to break out the books and play it again. After a few days I can play my 5 or so memorized pieces and was feeling enjoyment and accomplishment from this. My back hurt while playing, but I would take a pain killer and not let it bother me.

I have been finding myself in pain at work again though which hadn't been an issue. Being in pain a work is a real issue because it affects my performance and my income, plus I don't have the option of lying down until the pain goes away. I also don't have the option of taking pain killers everyday for obvious reasons and they don't last long.

So to me the only solution is giving up the piano again. Since being a professional musician has been my goal for most of my life it also takes away any meaning to living again as well. I could get a chair with a back to lean on while playing or something, but that's not the point. The point is I have a chronic pain condition that will not go away.

Now I did post on the success forum and I want to let you know that when I started I was in severe daily pain, and after working with the TMS program it has become much more manageable.

Love to you all.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi cirrusnarea,
I am sorry the pain continues. I am happy you have had some real success. I don't think your situation is uncommon. I hope you use whatever Sarno work you can to support yourself. Read some everyday, use the 12 Daily reminders, read success stories. You know the method works, and it can go deeper for you, with continued work. I send my support.
Andy B

 

[pigeonnn444]

that sounds really rough, i'm sorry . i can relate to the pain of not being able to play music as that's been my biggest passion most of my life and sometimes it's just impossible to concentrate/play when i'm in pain. you said you had success in the past with the program , if it's coming back then maybe you might have more luck pursuing a tms therapist to more effectively help you through it? i suspect i have a very difficult case because of the severity of my pain and the fact that i got it very young and it's now spreading to many parts of my body so i'm about to start work with a therapist experienced in curing this. i've already accepted i have it and have begun journaling but i feel there's a lot of repressed emotion that i'm not going to be able to access without someone's help. it may be the same for you, you might have more going on in your head than you'd be able to access just on your own. it's something to consider since it keeps coming back for you. hope you feel better soon

 

[cirrusnarea]

that sounds really rough, i'm sorry . i can relate to the pain of not being able to play music as that's been my biggest passion most of my life and sometimes it's just impossible to concentrate/play when i'm in pain. you said you had success in the past with the program , if it's coming back then maybe you might have more luck pursuing a tms therapist to more effectively help you through it? i suspect i have a very difficult case because of the severity of my pain and the fact that i got it very young and it's now spreading to many parts of my body so i'm about to start work with a therapist experienced in curing this. i've already accepted i have it and have begun journaling but i feel there's a lot of repressed emotion that i'm not going to be able to access without someone's help. it may be the same for you, you might have more going on in your head than you'd be able to access just on your own. it's something to consider since it keeps coming back for you. hope you feel better soon

I'd love to see a TMS therapist but the only one nearby is quite expensive and accepts no insurance.

 

[pigeonnn444]

I'd love to see a TMS therapist but the only one nearby is quite expensive and accepts no insurance.

maybe you can find one who does long-distance/skype who's more affordable?

 

[cirrusnarea]

Sorry for being a negative Nancy, but I don't think there are affordable TMS psychologists. My regular Psychologist charges $100 and hour and gives me a deal because we are friends. I don't think a therapist is going to have the answers at this point. It's all I can do to ask myself 'why me' and looking back on my life and my personality I can see I am the perfect candidate for this condition. TMS is real and alot of people have been cured from it once they learn about it, but there's also a lot like me that linger on with oh I don't know, 30% symptoms left that may come and go but more or less are not cured. So you get a lot of people on here like me saying, well, what now? But there's no answers because everyone else is in the same boat. TMS is like telling someone not to think about a dinosaur for 5 minutes. That person isn't going to be able to think about anything but a dinosaur that whole time, lol. It's the same thing, only with pain. Try not I think about the pain your feeling, and pain is a lot worse than thinking about a dinosaur I can tell you, lol. It's definitely a mind body illness. I don't think it could be described in a better way. Your body isn't creating the right chemicals it needs to give you energy and fight pain, and this is due to mental stress/rage. Both conscious and unconscious. I'd like to think that every problem has a solution and TMS is one of them.
Dr. Sarno was used to his patients being cured within a couple lectures. Maybe it was the conviction with which he spoke, his charisma, and his status as a doctor. These can call influence someone to accept the problem and the sure. Sarno didn't deal a lot with people who had continuing problems. His patients usually didn't have that problem. At least I've read all his books and he never mentions them. His books don't go into depth about how to cure TMS, because in his mind all you had to do was accept the cause for the pain and it would vanish. And in so many cases it does. Heck, it did with me, but my pain started moving around. I had severe back and testicle pain and once I finally accepted it was TMS the pain literally left in one or two nights. But now I have a daily back ache that is tolerable but sucks all my energy, it makes me enraged to have to deal with it. The fatigue has gotten so bad that all I do is go home and sleep. I have started a new medication for depression because I have to try something; I am at a low point in my life.

 

[pigeonnn444]

i'm really sorry you're struggling so much. for the people who are 'cured' just by reading the books or 'accepting' that they have it, well i know for me personally that just doesn't apply whatsoever. i was looking into this over a year ago and was fairly sure i had it but the pain never went away, now i bought the book, read it, am journaling, i mean it hasn't been long but i'm noticing zero improvements whatsoever and actually my pain is getting worse, i know i'm one of the severe cases and am going to need a lot more time and help. medication might be a good option at this point maybe just so you can develop a more positive/calm attitude so you're able to continue further into your recovery without throwing in the towel. some of these medications can also blunt your perception of pain a little. i don't know what else to say but i certainly sympathize, my pain has debilitated me from doing literally anything for 3 years now and i'm only 21 so basically i missed my entire young adulthood (not to mention a college education which i wasn't able to continue, my job, any kind of social life, and the fucking ability to just take a walk without crying in pain)--there are lots of people on here who understand and have been through what you're going through. this probably isn't a very popular opinion on here but have you ever gotten tested for food allergies/sensitivities? i know it's been said that's just another "symptom" of tms but I have heard of people suffering from pain caused by inflammation because of things they're eating.
maybe try journaling more as well. like 10-15 minutes a day even. an important thing is to (somehow find the ability) to believe 100% you're going to fully recover, even with this setback. its a hard thing to do but that alone can make a difference. sorry again for your pain

 

[Zerkon]

cirrusnarea,

Sorry for being a negative Nancy, but I don't think there are affordable TMS psychologists. My regular Psychologist charges $100 and hour and gives me a deal because we are friends. I don't think a therapist is going to have the answers at this point. It's all I can do to ask myself 'why me' and looking back on my life and my personality I can see I am the perfect candidate for this condition. TMS is real and alot of people have been cured from it once they learn about it, but there's also a lot like me that linger on with oh I don't know, 30% symptoms left that may come and go but more or less are not cured. So you get a lot of people on here like me saying, well, what now? But there's no answers because everyone else is in the same boat. TMS is like telling someone not to think about a dinosaur for 5 minutes. That person isn't going to be able to think about anything but a dinosaur that whole time, lol. It's the same thing, only with pain. Try not I think about the pain your feeling, and pain is a lot worse than thinking about a dinosaur I can tell you, lol. It's definitely a mind body illness. I don't think it could be described in a better way. Your body isn't creating the right chemicals it needs to give you energy and fight pain, and this is due to mental stress/rage. Both conscious and unconscious. I'd like to think that every problem has a solution and TMS is one of them.
Dr. Sarno was used to his patients being cured within a couple lectures. Maybe it was the conviction with which he spoke, his charisma, and his status as a doctor. These can call influence someone to accept the problem and the sure. Sarno didn't deal a lot with people who had continuing problems. His patients usually didn't have that problem. At least I've read all his books and he never mentions them. His books don't go into depth about how to cure TMS, because in his mind all you had to do was accept the cause for the pain and it would vanish. And in so many cases it does. Heck, it did with me, but my pain started moving around. I had severe back and testicle pain and once I finally accepted it was TMS the pain literally left in one or two nights. But now I have a daily back ache that is tolerable but sucks all my energy, it makes me enraged to have to deal with it. The fatigue has gotten so bad that all I do is go home and sleep. I have started a new medication for depression because I have to try something; I am at a low point in my life.

cirrusnarea, you cannot tell yourself to "not think" about it, because then that is what you'll think about!

I have been seeing a CBT therapist who is helping me with my OCD. He tells me to embrace the thought, let it come, accept it, and then move on, rather than fight it.

Hope that is a bit helpful. I am sorry that you are in pain.

 

[LuluBell]

hmmm... yes I have a similar problem. My TMS pain manifests itself in ways that keep me from what I love to do.

I sure know that awful feeling of wanting to do something you love so much.

But I also have a different perspective for you. Something to think about?

The way I see myself is that I would have never addressed my own problems - they are so incredibly deep and painful - had I not have these TMS problems. Know what I mean? I would have continued to live my life - afraid, angry, sad, heartbroken - not being my real self - for decades - I mean I can't imagine it would have ever ended in my lifetime.

It has not been easy for me... but I am seeing how in a way it seems to have given me the motivation I needed to address these very painful things. Because of that I have dug up so many emotions - so many little, medium, and big traumas that were hurting me and influencing me daily.

I just wonder if you flip it and look at your situation in this way - that it might help you. Take your passion and love for music and let it fuel you.

Keep going. If you cannot afford a professional - do you have a friend or relative that you can talk to? I do not go to a therapist - I talk to a family member.

You have us too of course.

Don't give up!