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Still a gamer at his wits end

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by Segastar, Oct 27, 2020.

  1. Segastar

    Segastar New Member

    I hit some kind of depression that I can't seem to work through since my last update and my hands feel even worse than before. They even look more agitated and they go numb and tingle a lot when I'm at work.

    Luckily I can play golf but I'm worried the more I play the more stress I'm putting on my middle finger tendons. (In the pictures my middle finger tendons are so prominent and kinda discomfiting)

    Has anybody had anything like this in their hands cause I doubt this is just my mind playing tricks on me.
  2. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    It's definitely your mind lol. I never had tms in my hands until a couple of months ago. I was woken from sleep by pain in my fourth finger. Within a week, the pain had spread to all my fingers in both hands and even wrists. I could barely wash dishes or do normal things. I wondered if I had arthritis. But then my feet started with my old TMS burning and stabbing pain. That's when the TMS tipped its hand (no pun intended lol!). I thought "Heere we go again!" I realized that I had been under a ton of cumulative stress so it made sense that my brain went into danger mode. I pulled myself together mentally and within another week I was back to normal. My hands are totally fine. It was just tms.
    backhand likes this.
  3. Enrique

    Enrique Well known member

    If you check all the boxes of a typical TMS person (Type T) then your pain is probably TMS. I had really, really bad pain in my hands before I discovered TMS and healed. Be patient with yourself and follow one of the many suggested healing paths. Trust in the truth of this and you'll find your healing somewhere in the journey.
  4. Segastar

    Segastar New Member

    I appreciate both responses. Originally i wrote the post in haste, i was having a really rough night at work. I can go into a bit more detail on what I'm still dealing with currently

    Depression: Around September, i started having some kind of depression and a loss of interest in literally everything to the point some nights i was having mental breakdowns. I was lucky my friends talked me out of some of the stuff i was saying or considering. Still dealing it with it now, some days better than others. Overall the pandemic, and issues i've dealt with over the years must have caught up with me cause i don't feel like myself anymore and I can barely remember/comprehend things anymore. Somedays its pretty bad to the point i have literally no feelings, i don't feel sad, angry, happy, or any other emotion.

    Hand pain/tingling/numbness My middle fingers have been kinda stuck in some kind of bent position whenever i lift my hands off from a desk, keyboard, or anywhere where I keep my hands. The tendons on both hands with my middle fingers are very angry red and swollen.It's not painful, but it can be very discomforting when trying to grip things like golf clubs, price scanners, weights, etc. i've shared pictures in previous posts on what they look like. I thought i posted the most recent picture of what they look like here but being on mobile phone must have prevented me posting them. The issue with my middle fingers continues to mostly affect my ability to lift things as i have no grip strength. Before where i could easily lift things at work (I work in a sporting goods store, so i was lifting a lot of heavy things), now its pretty challenging and i feel if i lift too much in one way or another, my middle fingers might break or something. I also noticed within the last few weeks, especially when my middle fingers are stuck in the bent position, my hand shakes and tingles like crazy and it is a bit concerning to me. Otherwise, my hands are kinda just stuck in a burning sensation.

    Hearing issues: Somehow my hearing has been off and I'm not really sure if i should have that checked out or not. From like March-September, i listened to my headphones at my computer almost every night for hours with my music probably louder than necessary so im not sure if i damaged my hearing or not. (If anybody has any advice on that, i'd like to know)

    What I've been doing: I did manage to return to work and I can get through a normal work week just fine. I've tried to return to some normal activity (pandemic notwithstanding) and for most part its not terrible but my hands definitely make doing certain tasks/activities uncomfortable. I can even golf and while i don't get any pain, my middle fingers get really swollen/agitated and they start hurting like crazy. I've even noticed my index fingers are starting to have similar problems. The depression i'm going through definitely makes it harder on me to accept the TMS diagnosis especially cause i havent returned to any doctor to get a second opinion (which i'll cover below)

    What I plan on doing: I am in a good financial situation to finally return to my hand doctor who originally gave me a tendonitis diagnosis and i want to get a second opinion on what I'm dealing with. While I have read many success stories regarding RSI and CTS, I am the kind of person that doesn't always just go on faith alone, no offense to anybody here. I want to make sure nothing structurally is wrong with my middle fingers cause that's the more concerning problem at the moment. The wrist pain isn't as alarming cause i do believe my own depression could be amplifying that problem (TMS). I also plan on getting a regular checkup at my doctor since it's been like 3 years and I plan on getting started in a therapy program. Hopefully that along with reading more of Sarno's books and other readings i've heard mentioned in this wiki, i can finally start getting over all these issues I'm dealing with.

    I don't know why i just can't jump in and accept the TMS diagnosis. I know im pretty messed up emotionally and i have a good support network but it seems like everything is just getting worse and I hate sounding like a whiner on here. That's why i stopped posting. I hate feeling depressed and this hand pain issue has just hung on and it won't go away. Maybe by the end of this year, things will improve......
  5. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    The reason you may not be accepting the tms diagnosis has to do with belief and the real reasons your brain thinks it needs to protect you. Your depression is a clue to issues you are having a hard time coping with. I think if you make the decision that there's nothing wrong with your hands and you are willing to have the courage to do the work necessary, you can turn this battle ship around. What you need to get clear on is what would really make you happy and add joy and fulfillment and meaning to your life? When you have the why you can do the how.
    backhand likes this.
  6. Idearealist

    Idearealist Peer Supporter

    Did your knuckles hurt with this recurrence of TMS, Miffy? I've seen some success with lessening of digestive issues and TMS work, but I'm still having issues with my fingers feeling stiff, knuckles hurting, and hand weakness in general. I'm still worried I might have OA.
  7. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    Oh yes! My knuckles were killing me! Even if I grazed them lightly with my fingers they hurt (which is classic tms btw). I felt like I had tendonitis and it was spreading to my wrists and thumbs. It all happened so fast and it was so ridiculous that once I gathered myself mentally I found it laughable. No-one gets osteoarthritis or rheumatoid arthritis in one week. It was absurd! Within a week it was totally gone because I stopped worrying about it. I knew it was nothing. My hands and fingers are totally perfectly fine right now.
    backhand and Idearealist like this.
  8. Segastar

    Segastar New Member

    I wish it was really that easy but anymore nothing makes sense to me and i come here looking for answers and i feel some of ya'll don't take me serious enough or just think im here looking for attention......

    Why do i even bother posting here then
  9. miffybunny

    miffybunny Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hi Segastar, I can assure you that no one thinks those things. We are all here to help and we all understand. I would never minimize someone's pain as it is a very real thing and no one gets tms because they want attention. Sometimes people may make lighthearted jokes ( I know I do) to inject some humor and hopefulness into the discussion. The goal is to be able to laugh at the tms. It is then that you know it no longer has any power over you. The jig is up and you don't fear it anymore. I have every confidence you can get better and we are definitely here to listen.:)
    backhand and Tennis Tom like this.
  10. Idearealist

    Idearealist Peer Supporter

    I don't know what would give you that impression. I haven't seen anybody trivialize your issues. Most people on here have had or are actively dealing with very debilitating symptoms.
    Tennis Tom and miffybunny like this.
  11. Segastar

    Segastar New Member

    Alright.......update time

    I have been dealing with a lot of stress, anxiety, possible depression that causes me to lash out randomly at people and its something i've been trying to get under control. My work was really busy over the holidays so i had to put off seeing any kind of doctor, counselor, etc.

    My middle fingers are still stuck (no pain), and i can't grasp or lift things very well at the moment. I have also been dealing with issues in my ears or surrounding areas that the best way i can describe it, air or something in my ear canal or jaw area that keeps staying around. I constantly feel like my ears need to "pop" but i've tried letting my ears do it, but it doesn't seem to help.

    Surprisingly my hands for most part in terms of computer use and gaming isn't terrible although im dealing with the feeling of not enjoying pretty much anything at the moment. Which led me to some dark thoughts a few months ago. I'm trying to do what i can to regain at least some of my enjoyment for things by just getting up everyday and doing something, even if i don't feel like it. Does that fit into any TMS symptoms?

    With the pandemic, the election and everything else, i pretty much hit rock bottom this past year and i feel with this new year, maybe now i need to give Sarno's work another look over. I do plan on trying to get with a therapist for my mental health concerns and my doctor to address my ear and finger concerns.

    I disappeared for a while, i got angry at people when i shouldn't have. I'm here now, and hopefully things can turn around.

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